I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.