idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Oh, makes sense.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive