how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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