Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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