It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
