Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
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