I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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