hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Loading more great texts...