Texts From Last Night

tec27's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it. http://tfl.nu/cqfe
  Replies (8) Good night (552) Bad night (5829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall? http://tfl.nu/qv4b
  Replies (9) Good night (979) Bad night (3996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (9982) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I think this baby is eyeing my beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I think this baby is eyeing my beer http://tfl.nu/6ms6
  Replies (13) Good night (4690) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do. http://tfl.nu/0tan
  Replies (18) Good night (5646) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.. http://tfl.nu/zyk4
  Replies (9) Good night (2270) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (30534) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps... http://tfl.nu/7lmv
  Replies (15) Good night (2188) Bad night (3974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd
  Replies (23) Good night (6852) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n
  Replies (25) Good night (1393) Bad night (4912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. . http://tfl.nu/zh9v
  Replies (24) Good night (7202) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?

  (1-906): View more from Michigan

  It's okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay? (1-906): It's okay. http://tfl.nu/i6me
  Replies (9) Good night (999) Bad night (3812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm. http://tfl.nu/ttig
  Replies (6) Good night (635) Bad night (3095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded. http://tfl.nu/84co
  Replies (10) Good night (3724) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Sucks about the cops last night

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Sucks about the cops last night (848): to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party.. http://tfl.nu/rv14
  Replies (7) Good night (4289) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5362) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor http://tfl.nu/qca9
  Replies (20) Good night (2389) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night. http://tfl.nu/4bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (4478) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl
  Replies (9) Good night (5828) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him http://tfl.nu/busx
  Replies (14) Good night (5539) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
  Replies (23) Good night (7828) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point http://tfl.nu/syrq
  Replies (9) Good night (6010) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i did the responsible thing and pissed myself... http://tfl.nu/5qb4
  Replies (6) Good night (886) Bad night (2691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm? http://tfl.nu/94o0
  Replies (11) Good night (1345) Bad night (3188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face. http://tfl.nu/c54m
  Replies (5) Good night (2613) Bad night (3856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And to think..we used to do everything sober...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): And to think..we used to do everything sober... http://tfl.nu/tbey
  Replies (7) Good night (4466) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator. http://tfl.nu/65uw
  Replies (15) Good night (1147) Bad night (4140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (585) Bad night (4825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower. http://tfl.nu/xm1k
  Replies (16) Good night (1607) Bad night (3443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/vakp
  Replies (12) Good night (4342) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap http://tfl.nu/e6wb
  Replies (4) Good night (2482) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/352a
  Replies (25) Good night (951) Bad night (4848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc
  Replies (30) Good night (11300) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat. http://tfl.nu/b45i
  Replies (29) Good night (4990) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows. http://tfl.nu/pp93
  Replies (15) Good night (6402) Bad night (1576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used. http://tfl.nu/jpfz
  Replies (55) Good night (12657) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle http://tfl.nu/wl70
  Replies (9) Good night (3504) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rek5
  Replies (15) Good night (3703) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice. http://tfl.nu/6cq1
  Replies (9) Good night (1016) Bad night (6222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend. http://tfl.nu/4wvr
  Replies (9) Good night (3645) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6
  Replies (10) Good night (5560) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation. http://tfl.nu/5n6h
  Replies (3) Good night (2259) Bad night (1380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7479) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to poop in the sink last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You tried to poop in the sink last night. http://tfl.nu/6e7d
  Replies (18) Good night (1048) Bad night (4055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard. http://tfl.nu/diwn
  Replies (15) Good night (4194) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19437) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10513) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8228) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15947) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4516) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience. http://tfl.nu/1o4v
  Replies (34) Good night (616) Bad night (5570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1176) Bad night (3841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle. http://tfl.nu/irdh
  Replies (12) Good night (3736) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete. http://tfl.nu/s0lg
  Replies (22) Good night (4820) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick http://tfl.nu/y4fo
  Replies (61) Good night (5296) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko
  Replies (9) Good night (4840) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/vs2k
  Replies (12) Good night (421) Bad night (2801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table http://tfl.nu/g7sx
  Replies (15) Good night (3577) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation. http://tfl.nu/su8c
  Replies (11) Good night (3118) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9454) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp
  Replies (17) Good night (4688) Bad night (1924)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack. (1-253): What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited http://tfl.nu/n0ma
  Replies (13) Good night (5074) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there http://tfl.nu/89or
  Replies (34) Good night (775) Bad night (6851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time. http://tfl.nu/fjy0
  Replies (18) Good night (4161) Bad night (1683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either. http://tfl.nu/z8zq
  Replies (25) Good night (1475) Bad night (3087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (41) Good night (8404) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6391) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame. http://tfl.nu/0khd
  Replies (23) Good night (4266) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with. http://tfl.nu/84m6
  Replies (23) Good night (6081) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila" http://tfl.nu/s09r
  Replies (10) Good night (4435) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts" http://tfl.nu/2c0p
  Replies (14) Good night (3499) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver. http://tfl.nu/1xbw
  Replies (39) Good night (506) Bad night (4118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care. http://tfl.nu/yew2
  Replies (12) Good night (841) Bad night (4524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds... http://tfl.nu/1h6m
  Replies (12) Good night (821) Bad night (6222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (30) Good night (11358) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials. http://tfl.nu/bzpv
  Replies (32) Good night (795) Bad night (4499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister. http://tfl.nu/ezh5
  Replies (9) Good night (6269) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up. http://tfl.nu/ttp7
  Replies (14) Good night (4909) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized. http://tfl.nu/p6rg
  Replies (11) Good night (725) Bad night (3159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me http://tfl.nu/j6i2
  Replies (13) Good night (1080) Bad night (3525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  get to allyx's house asap

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Ok is everything ok

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Yeah, theres just lesbians

  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg yes on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): get to allyx's house asap (312): Ok is everything ok (224): Yeah, theres just lesbians (312): omg yes on my way http://tfl.nu/mxwb
  Replies (38) Good night (6480) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6620) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material. http://tfl.nu/16u9
  Replies (64) Good night (5151) Bad night (2313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  At least he's a nutritious stoner...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches. (1-402): At least he's a nutritious stoner... http://tfl.nu/2qp4
  Replies (18) Good night (7722) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM http://tfl.nu/m9e8
  Replies (6) Good night (569) Bad night (5195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN. http://tfl.nu/m7t2
  Replies (35) Good night (6850) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed http://tfl.nu/sgs1
  Replies (19) Good night (3496) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/47ew
  Replies (10) Good night (3298) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke." http://tfl.nu/rseq
  Replies (48) Good night (1035) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007 http://tfl.nu/tyl3
  Replies (19) Good night (6301) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting http://tfl.nu/qjw5
  Replies (7) Good night (936) Bad night (3707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog http://tfl.nu/rz7h
  Replies (30) Good night (5956) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year http://tfl.nu/qbpm
  Replies (20) Good night (4943) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob http://tfl.nu/j762
  Replies (19) Good night (4147) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat http://tfl.nu/m0wi
  Replies (11) Good night (4040) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can. http://tfl.nu/eowl
  Replies (16) Good night (5110) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same http://tfl.nu/2qn4
  Replies (9) Good night (4753) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies. http://tfl.nu/e64k
  Replies (23) Good night (743) Bad night (4932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8279) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/jbik
  Replies (9) Good night (4499) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want... http://tfl.nu/xmvr
  Replies (35) Good night (7145) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever http://tfl.nu/uwj0
  Replies (17) Good night (5691) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing http://tfl.nu/ndin
  Replies (20) Good night (5781) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (6484) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth http://tfl.nu/b4j6
  Replies (18) Good night (6714) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver. http://tfl.nu/uqq7
  Replies (10) Good night (3363) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (11552) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on http://tfl.nu/pg75
  Replies (43) Good night (2926) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit... http://tfl.nu/oz8a
  Replies (10) Good night (4602) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower http://tfl.nu/wfgk
  Replies (12) Good night (3141) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass http://tfl.nu/ur9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4560) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work http://tfl.nu/axgl
  Replies (14) Good night (3349) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls (1-306): I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome http://tfl.nu/f4ni
  Replies (23) Good night (4407) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property. http://tfl.nu/vsw9
  Replies (25) Good night (1876) Bad night (5348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13668) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1051) Bad night (5244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them? http://tfl.nu/ts8z
  Replies (12) Good night (7652) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore http://tfl.nu/w95h
  Replies (20) Good night (5229) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins? http://tfl.nu/vjtk
  Replies (11) Good night (385) Bad night (2380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people http://tfl.nu/thju
  Replies (12) Good night (3895) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS. http://tfl.nu/ppbc
  Replies (63) Good night (6506) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth http://tfl.nu/99n5
  Replies (10) Good night (323) Bad night (3102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember. http://tfl.nu/upty
  Replies (18) Good night (3915) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38524) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  you can....by speaking....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook (1-401): you can....by speaking.... http://tfl.nu/42zu
  Replies (16) Good night (2007) Bad night (2443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  My brain says no but my pants say off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): My brain says no but my pants say off. http://tfl.nu/syce
  Replies (7) Good night (4683) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was! http://tfl.nu/nt2c
  Replies (13) Good night (8336) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him http://tfl.nu/k8ud
  Replies (25) Good night (1352) Bad night (6207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  This is not my ceiling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): This is not my ceiling http://tfl.nu/p46e
  Replies (11) Good night (1315) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17225) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4356) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (8801) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (85) Good night (2634) Bad night (14476)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain....... http://tfl.nu/fodn
  Replies (26) Good night (1312) Bad night (6857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester. http://tfl.nu/hqf6
  Replies (12) Good night (1134) Bad night (3138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard. http://tfl.nu/fxyx
  Replies (8) Good night (4564) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's gonna be a great weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot (1-203): it's gonna be a great weekend http://tfl.nu/mkok
  Replies (13) Good night (5986) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building. http://tfl.nu/yoz8
  Replies (44) Good night (5747) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby. http://tfl.nu/ip7w
  Replies (12) Good night (5135) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (4916) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12449) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5
  Replies (30) Good night (13058) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe. http://tfl.nu/ayww
  Replies (11) Good night (4997) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls. http://tfl.nu/oc6k
  Replies (36) Good night (1083) Bad night (5797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/0qxf
  Replies (19) Good night (2436) Bad night (5401)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up. http://tfl.nu/hjpb
  Replies (24) Good night (3741) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow? http://tfl.nu/ft8k
  Replies (61) Good night (1035) Bad night (2651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest? http://tfl.nu/07hk
  Replies (29) Good night (842) Bad night (5463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz
  Replies (14) Good night (4712) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7169) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/ccnb
  Replies (13) Good night (3263) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe
  Replies (23) Good night (1659) Bad night (4298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13729) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

  (443): View more from Maryland

  that only happened once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag? (410): haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background (443): that only happened once. http://tfl.nu/9rml
  Replies (36) Good night (4683) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (366) Good night (1574) Bad night (51717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials. http://tfl.nu/kc0s
  Replies (18) Good night (863) Bad night (4621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit. http://tfl.nu/jcis
  Replies (16) Good night (4554) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure http://tfl.nu/kj79
  Replies (7) Good night (3143) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I think id rather eat ped egg shavings. http://tfl.nu/okl6
  Replies (11) Good night (638) Bad night (4750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it" http://tfl.nu/8bv4
  Replies (11) Good night (5062) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3
  Replies (16) Good night (3967) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet. http://tfl.nu/lvr3
  Replies (12) Good night (5542) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college http://tfl.nu/i5zk
  Replies (27) Good night (5832) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met http://tfl.nu/xjfv
  Replies (10) Good night (583) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Am i fat?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Well i wouldnt let you on top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Am i fat? (1-248): Well i wouldnt let you on top http://tfl.nu/1yk2
  Replies (36) Good night (1362) Bad night (8913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing. http://tfl.nu/gzcy
  Replies (26) Good night (13105) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging http://tfl.nu/lrv8
  Replies (16) Good night (3935) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?

  (1-626): View more from California

  You have mice?

  (626): View more from California

  no why?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans? (1-626): You have mice? (626): no why? http://tfl.nu/7zgo
  Replies (15) Good night (3367) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (1802) Bad night (6405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic. http://tfl.nu/37md
  Replies (5) Good night (734) Bad night (2484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122
  Replies (23) Good night (8551) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14396) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7246) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19355) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  No thats like a top 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo
  Replies (34) Good night (6271) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything. http://tfl.nu/6bhr
  Replies (13) Good night (3093) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned" http://tfl.nu/aoz0
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him... http://tfl.nu/efrg
  Replies (36) Good night (5752) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom http://tfl.nu/vjva
  Replies (14) Good night (1264) Bad night (3349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;) (1-775): Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city. http://tfl.nu/zbb5
  Replies (14) Good night (4472) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

  (419): View more from Ohio

  And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball (419): And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity http://tfl.nu/7q0o
  Replies (35) Good night (4868) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

  (1-760): View more from California

  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk
  Replies (40) Good night (6501) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better. http://tfl.nu/z41g
  Replies (13) Good night (4296) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates http://tfl.nu/h4yt
  Replies (28) Good night (4382) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman. http://tfl.nu/lhzg
  Replies (25) Good night (4738) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day. http://tfl.nu/gtxx
  Replies (13) Good night (4896) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6193) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn. http://tfl.nu/xmj5
  Replies (10) Good night (5884) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was. http://tfl.nu/qrct
  Replies (39) Good night (1442) Bad night (5040)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats. http://tfl.nu/4me1
  Replies (32) Good night (781) Bad night (5172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized http://tfl.nu/4l7y
  Replies (22) Good night (615) Bad night (5948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years. http://tfl.nu/8lob
  Replies (19) Good night (1530) Bad night (5197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle (1-306): Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other http://tfl.nu/7xcc
  Replies (9) Good night (4978) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head http://tfl.nu/52vv
  Replies (12) Good night (4455) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school http://tfl.nu/94oh
  Replies (35) Good night (6297) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5615) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/3wga
  Replies (37) Good night (667) Bad night (4919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof. http://tfl.nu/24gw
  Replies (16) Good night (844) Bad night (4566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)

  (540): View more from Virginia

  awesome babe! drinks tonight!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :) (540): awesome babe! drinks tonight! (703): Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck. http://tfl.nu/zccd
  Replies (12) Good night (362) Bad night (2521)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to

  (1-845): View more from New York

  i wanted you to too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to (1-845): i wanted you to too http://tfl.nu/498i
  Replies (15) Good night (509) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it. http://tfl.nu/sbum
  Replies (18) Good night (6960) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that. http://tfl.nu/zg72
  Replies (31) Good night (4904) Bad night (1769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8208) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger. http://tfl.nu/1s95
  Replies (45) Good night (1043) Bad night (14796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity. http://tfl.nu/4je5
  Replies (9) Good night (4789) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13380) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Too many people are naked here for this to be normal. http://tfl.nu/s42o
  Replies (20) Good night (5686) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Found more tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair (573): Found more tequila http://tfl.nu/cg6k
  Replies (9) Good night (4307) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby.... http://tfl.nu/2jxq
  Replies (16) Good night (2496) Bad night (3544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way (1-717): you don't. http://tfl.nu/p0es
  Replies (15) Good night (5557) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie http://tfl.nu/7ez3
  Replies (14) Good night (1611) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/wo9k
  Replies (11) Good night (1533) Bad night (4568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer?? (1-404): no. http://tfl.nu/c4dk
  Replies (21) Good night (6056) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10148) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back. http://tfl.nu/3ip5
  Replies (24) Good night (6016) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice. http://tfl.nu/k20h
  Replies (76) Good night (483) Bad night (7091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where. http://tfl.nu/dvsr
  Replies (3) Good night (3052) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5099) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again. http://tfl.nu/nxev
  Replies (16) Good night (551) Bad night (5468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): 3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4. http://tfl.nu/2tep
  Replies (16) Good night (7104) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass. http://tfl.nu/mex7
  Replies (12) Good night (9288) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (65) Good night (18934) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (42) Good night (7600) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil... http://tfl.nu/iyla
  Replies (24) Good night (4471) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much. http://tfl.nu/ucje
  Replies (7) Good night (1201) Bad night (5373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I wasted some perfectly good semen on her http://tfl.nu/b11w
  Replies (17) Good night (780) Bad night (4814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy
  Replies (15) Good night (7734) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  is it cool if i come over and use your computer?

  (1-916): View more from California

  what happened to yours?

  (916): View more from California

  i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): is it cool if i come over and use your computer? (1-916): what happened to yours? (916): i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink. http://tfl.nu/idhb
  Replies (6) Good night (428) Bad night (2388)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10286) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. http://tfl.nu/oxhe
  Replies (133) Good night (1355) Bad night (36659)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  why didn't you poke me back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): why didn't you poke me back http://tfl.nu/aomd
  Replies (5) Good night (737) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too. http://tfl.nu/d0fo
  Replies (24) Good night (7222) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art. http://tfl.nu/yesh
  Replies (47) Good night (2889) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop http://tfl.nu/6219
  Replies (16) Good night (712) Bad night (8800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"? http://tfl.nu/n4zp
  Replies (22) Good night (1061) Bad night (7196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (7697) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned http://tfl.nu/3gli
  Replies (30) Good night (5958) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (9954) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off. http://tfl.nu/ypig
  Replies (26) Good night (5607) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize. http://tfl.nu/u4mt
  Replies (29) Good night (600) Bad night (6238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz
  Replies (15) Good night (7489) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what if every blade of grass was a penis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): what if every blade of grass was a penis? http://tfl.nu/ka1d
  Replies (34) Good night (3954) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it. http://tfl.nu/r7km
  Replies (12) Good night (5556) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  It's worth it.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How worth it?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Back door worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up? (312): It's worth it. (248): How worth it? (312): Back door worth it http://tfl.nu/ijuf
  Replies (4) Good night (3489) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6143) Bad night (39426)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah. http://tfl.nu/1uyt
  Replies (30) Good night (9083) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1178) Bad night (4854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5013) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away http://tfl.nu/s83j
  Replies (6) Good night (3557) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant. http://tfl.nu/y6pb
  Replies (30) Good night (3890) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed http://tfl.nu/z8ll
  Replies (6) Good night (708) Bad night (3702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8
  Replies (9) Good night (5059) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now. http://tfl.nu/y7cf
  Replies (35) Good night (3824) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents. http://tfl.nu/ynsx
  Replies (13) Good night (676) Bad night (4928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
  Replies (18) Good night (1626) Bad night (5871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth" http://tfl.nu/505h
  Replies (11) Good night (3397) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6019) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up. http://tfl.nu/oiun
  Replies (10) Good night (4315) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis. http://tfl.nu/iuvq
  Replies (28) Good night (5679) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking. http://tfl.nu/3qfc
  Replies (22) Good night (6899) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm full of awesome ideas

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm full of awesome ideas (972): Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs... http://tfl.nu/g4si
  Replies (20) Good night (4276) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands. http://tfl.nu/6i6m
  Replies (22) Good night (616) Bad night (4311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we've started having sober sex

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you really do like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him http://tfl.nu/ocmd
  Replies (19) Good night (8257) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome http://tfl.nu/k9p3
  Replies (25) Good night (5253) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore. http://tfl.nu/nmw7
  Replies (7) Good night (2933) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/nqmc
  Replies (41) Good night (771) Bad night (5937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES. http://tfl.nu/ydba
  Replies (11) Good night (5134) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9368) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn http://tfl.nu/z1in
  Replies (4) Good night (2872) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left. http://tfl.nu/dy5w
  Replies (6) Good night (559) Bad night (3636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5462) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth? http://tfl.nu/ukqr
  Replies (21) Good night (4862) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on http://tfl.nu/80ye
  Replies (12) Good night (3486) Bad night (1688)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m
  Replies (8) Good night (4117) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship http://tfl.nu/kphu
  Replies (13) Good night (1573) Bad night (3504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (9986) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (1836) Bad night (3956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon? http://tfl.nu/fld0
  Replies (66) Good night (6846) Bad night (1424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left. http://tfl.nu/zkuy
  Replies (20) Good night (1245) Bad night (5417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out http://tfl.nu/dfjh
  Replies (20) Good night (5505) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  so I ended up banging her last night

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't even remember

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): so I ended up banging her last night (1-414): dude I remember her. You sure it was a her? (414): i don't even remember http://tfl.nu/73hr
  Replies (8) Good night (632) Bad night (3447)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over. http://tfl.nu/n4d4
  Replies (43) Good night (759) Bad night (8391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar. http://tfl.nu/427l
  Replies (7) Good night (3126) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.

  (1-650): View more from California

  did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet. (1-650): did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one? http://tfl.nu/1hzw
  Replies (24) Good night (7750) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat http://tfl.nu/ctv0
  Replies (17) Good night (1021) Bad night (4660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out. http://tfl.nu/wz4e
  Replies (16) Good night (3817) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend. http://tfl.nu/x4zz
  Replies (14) Good night (6112) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8304) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (80) Good night (2276) Bad night (7734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (32) Good night (6456) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system. http://tfl.nu/14j2
  Replies (16) Good night (877) Bad night (3718)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1099) Bad night (6566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  And you didn't burst into flames?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l
  Replies (14) Good night (4934) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8653) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe. http://tfl.nu/4iki
  Replies (50) Good night (10577) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops. http://tfl.nu/javd
  Replies (23) Good night (5027) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird http://tfl.nu/vuhd
  Replies (11) Good night (5841) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (9962) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5411) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.

  (607): View more from New York

  Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone. (607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/z2i9
  Replies (7) Good night (5480) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly http://tfl.nu/smco
  Replies (6) Good night (649) Bad night (3399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7711) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (2715) Bad night (4677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
  Replies (9) Good night (6648) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2 (908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked? http://tfl.nu/yka4
  Replies (14) Good night (4972) Bad night (1645)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression." http://tfl.nu/hom0
  Replies (11) Good night (891) Bad night (3784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (57) Good night (1203) Bad night (13911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  "it" just moved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): "it" just moved http://tfl.nu/94mg
  Replies (10) Good night (391) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting http://tfl.nu/eus0
  Replies (23) Good night (3256) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm. http://tfl.nu/xqmo
  Replies (19) Good night (6348) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
  Replies (38) Good night (6407) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college." http://tfl.nu/qe42
  Replies (19) Good night (4309) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season. http://tfl.nu/xinh
  Replies (24) Good night (4898) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his http://tfl.nu/lwp2
  Replies (25) Good night (928) Bad night (6430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers http://tfl.nu/g3p7
  Replies (25) Good night (6415) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12660) Bad night (1416)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances http://tfl.nu/ihp8
  Replies (15) Good night (899) Bad night (4525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (7531) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10803) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit. http://tfl.nu/yacj
  Replies (22) Good night (997) Bad night (5091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable. http://tfl.nu/6byi
  Replies (7) Good night (3092) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1
  Replies (15) Good night (3945) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit. http://tfl.nu/d25i
  Replies (17) Good night (3823) Bad night (1919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again. http://tfl.nu/x87e
  Replies (44) Good night (1607) Bad night (5383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec
  Replies (28) Good night (5468) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8452) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka.. http://tfl.nu/lv2f
  Replies (20) Good night (4198) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9054) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'. http://tfl.nu/ube5
  Replies (8) Good night (5325) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1369) Bad night (9540)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly. http://tfl.nu/9x6b
  Replies (12) Good night (4379) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (5668) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist. http://tfl.nu/vfvp
  Replies (33) Good night (5298) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something http://tfl.nu/mg8h
  Replies (35) Good night (5372) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour

  (513): View more from Ohio

  its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour (513): its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem http://tfl.nu/ygfh
  Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (2896)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq
  Replies (22) Good night (7513) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy http://tfl.nu/rk38
  Replies (16) Good night (6156) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I hate the hobo that sits outside our building

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Joe or Chris?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I hate the hobo that sits outside our building (1-314): Joe or Chris? (314): do i even wanna kno y u kno their names? (1-314): well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye. http://tfl.nu/9vla
  Replies (17) Good night (7678) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (7702) Bad night (1971)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion http://tfl.nu/8885
  Replies (12) Good night (1894) Bad night (3831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  we're making bets on your personal life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): we're making bets on your personal life http://tfl.nu/b50k
  Replies (14) Good night (3769) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done. http://tfl.nu/pg78
  Replies (25) Good night (631) Bad night (6499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low. http://tfl.nu/swva
  Replies (33) Good night (757) Bad night (6192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed. http://tfl.nu/t2tl
  Replies (17) Good night (4452) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck????? http://tfl.nu/jm2n
  Replies (8) Good night (758) Bad night (4478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (29) Good night (11769) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
  Replies (62) Good night (7027) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4699) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over. http://tfl.nu/42jf
  Replies (22) Good night (956) Bad night (4008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner. http://tfl.nu/vo3h
  Replies (32) Good night (3246) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  grandma shit on top of the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): grandma shit on top of the toilet http://tfl.nu/v03m
  Replies (17) Good night (675) Bad night (5583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5094) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6185) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood. http://tfl.nu/a0o1
  Replies (35) Good night (4844) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  yeah thats usually a good indication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face.. (1-317): yeah thats usually a good indication. http://tfl.nu/79nx
  Replies (6) Good night (4965) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (1963) Bad night (7642)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Church boner. Awkwardddd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Church boner. Awkwardddd http://tfl.nu/s9a2
  Replies (43) Good night (2178) Bad night (5139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

  (387): View more from

  I don't know what to judge you more for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods. (387): I don't know what to judge you more for. http://tfl.nu/wm5k
  Replies (18) Good night (3707) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating. http://tfl.nu/g1sz
  Replies (16) Good night (3655) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2155) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE???? http://tfl.nu/et58
  Replies (9) Good night (1567) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place" http://tfl.nu/mdbw
  Replies (39) Good night (5796) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick. http://tfl.nu/378g
  Replies (74) Good night (11308) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond. http://tfl.nu/hqwj
  Replies (15) Good night (335) Bad night (2891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants. http://tfl.nu/1aet
  Replies (5) Good night (1075) Bad night (2099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser! http://tfl.nu/qe5c
  Replies (36) Good night (736) Bad night (4761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8
  Replies (41) Good night (2601) Bad night (4444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad. http://tfl.nu/60es
  Replies (16) Good night (1324) Bad night (5359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka http://tfl.nu/w8nb
  Replies (9) Good night (953) Bad night (3505)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1024) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm... http://tfl.nu/v0t6
  Replies (21) Good night (849) Bad night (7439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/il3b
  Replies (20) Good night (1166) Bad night (5120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink... http://tfl.nu/o571
  Replies (11) Good night (1609) Bad night (3496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine. http://tfl.nu/l1h6
  Replies (24) Good night (6389) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians. http://tfl.nu/d2bn
  Replies (20) Good night (5585) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him. (1-785): But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed. http://tfl.nu/9pjf
  Replies (26) Good night (8285) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5765) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You going out tonight?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You going out tonight? (318): No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/ifio
  Replies (18) Good night (913) Bad night (5968)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace http://tfl.nu/tutd
  Replies (10) Good night (1244) Bad night (4106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve http://tfl.nu/obez
  Replies (20) Good night (4997) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again. http://tfl.nu/9jrz
  Replies (18) Good night (6975) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus. http://tfl.nu/wqiq
  Replies (10) Good night (3604) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame. http://tfl.nu/543s
  Replies (9) Good night (3513) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to. http://tfl.nu/l558
  Replies (5) Good night (2463) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa
  Replies (10) Good night (992) Bad night (4527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4343) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes http://tfl.nu/0fsj
  Replies (24) Good night (4677) Bad night (2205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible. http://tfl.nu/nz5p
  Replies (32) Good night (8092) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things. http://tfl.nu/chhw
  Replies (6) Good night (3279) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with http://tfl.nu/nhts
  Replies (41) Good night (1821) Bad night (4536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl. http://tfl.nu/qaad
  Replies (19) Good night (4076) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (18605) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3182) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  i can respect that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you. (1-404): i can respect that. http://tfl.nu/fvjd
  Replies (14) Good night (4630) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/svs8
  Replies (20) Good night (10643) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down http://tfl.nu/m1he
  Replies (31) Good night (543) Bad night (6111)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy. http://tfl.nu/4nt5
  Replies (7) Good night (765) Bad night (2436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week. http://tfl.nu/uy84
  Replies (6) Good night (3705) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7591) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9577) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7uwm
  Replies (14) Good night (6365) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (23965) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2266) Bad night (11460)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me. http://tfl.nu/1tg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1141) Bad night (4652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (37) Good night (7910) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you. http://tfl.nu/vzzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3663) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (9851) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins http://tfl.nu/hk0d
  Replies (12) Good night (5427) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (6499) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (18811) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (268): View more from Antigua/Barbuda-Carib

  she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (268): she thought don quixote was a type of tequila. http://tfl.nu/q3q2
  Replies (44) Good night (3354) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10788) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We better fuck soon then

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again. (201): We better fuck soon then http://tfl.nu/yyxr
  Replies (25) Good night (7445) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv. http://tfl.nu/ej96
  Replies (36) Good night (1527) Bad night (3927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?" http://tfl.nu/pefr
  Replies (22) Good night (5224) Bad night (1822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8291) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song. http://tfl.nu/qyok
  Replies (22) Good night (2922) Bad night (2926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like. http://tfl.nu/j59v
  Replies (26) Good night (6437) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (11608) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face. http://tfl.nu/tn6y
  Replies (12) Good night (4746) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate". http://tfl.nu/8tbj
  Replies (27) Good night (5838) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket . http://tfl.nu/mvi5
  Replies (58) Good night (6444) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry http://tfl.nu/gvg3
  Replies (19) Good night (317) Bad night (4241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off. http://tfl.nu/n7xz
  Replies (18) Good night (390) Bad night (4488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  she kept yelling 'call me bella'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): she kept yelling 'call me bella' http://tfl.nu/4ude
  Replies (54) Good night (613) Bad night (5092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple. http://tfl.nu/vn0p
  Replies (33) Good night (671) Bad night (12029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating http://tfl.nu/mu9q
  Replies (17) Good night (4224) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal. http://tfl.nu/hb9y
  Replies (19) Good night (4341) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.

  (512): View more from Texas

  There are margaritas in the freezer still.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life. (512): There are margaritas in the freezer still. http://tfl.nu/0xfi
  Replies (15) Good night (5038) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex
  Replies (65) Good night (13084) Bad night (2310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2498) Bad night (11913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass http://tfl.nu/kbrv
  Replies (21) Good night (1054) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.

  (219): View more from Indiana

  You said that last year...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate. (219): You said that last year... http://tfl.nu/7qlf
  Replies (18) Good night (1716) Bad night (5162)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog http://tfl.nu/ui9n
  Replies (61) Good night (475) Bad night (2739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on http://tfl.nu/30zy
  Replies (38) Good night (2166) Bad night (7369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night... http://tfl.nu/4ooo
  Replies (7) Good night (823) Bad night (4360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you http://tfl.nu/vy0a
  Replies (21) Good night (4757) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners." (423): Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A. (814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay. http://tfl.nu/o5wb
  Replies (23) Good night (8807) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4570) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket http://tfl.nu/krhl
  Replies (14) Good night (2400) Bad night (3595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank. http://tfl.nu/47xc
  Replies (8) Good night (1503) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here. http://tfl.nu/bwbb
  Replies (11) Good night (7150) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester http://tfl.nu/0tku
  Replies (20) Good night (3940) Bad night (1990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class. http://tfl.nu/7p98
  Replies (26) Good night (2130) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (6741) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes http://tfl.nu/6w2z
  Replies (10) Good night (5221) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1
  Replies (31) Good night (10910) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events. http://tfl.nu/5o8b
  Replies (11) Good night (4009) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw
  Replies (22) Good night (7646) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Did u at least say sorry?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet. (908): Did u at least say sorry? http://tfl.nu/m6e4
  Replies (42) Good night (830) Bad night (7885)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17720) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (6575) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10636) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome. http://tfl.nu/a48x
  Replies (32) Good night (8509) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals. http://tfl.nu/x5r2
  Replies (20) Good night (850) Bad night (5243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter http://tfl.nu/90no
  Replies (15) Good night (5318) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6004) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that. http://tfl.nu/1tq2
  Replies (39) Good night (3117) Bad night (5179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream. http://tfl.nu/u0h5
  Replies (52) Good night (4387) Bad night (2566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/ukhl
  Replies (10) Good night (6214) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required. http://tfl.nu/6ko6
  Replies (6) Good night (4801) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (8606) Bad night (1446)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass http://tfl.nu/tdnt
  Replies (18) Good night (6941) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit http://tfl.nu/61qr
  Replies (13) Good night (6352) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust? http://tfl.nu/brsq
  Replies (30) Good night (1144) Bad night (2342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor. http://tfl.nu/43q5
  Replies (24) Good night (4985) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?

  (1-737): View more from Texas

  That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there

  (737): View more from Texas

  It's my parent's restaurant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (737): You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot? (1-737): That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there (737): It's my parent's restaurant http://tfl.nu/0xzo
  Replies (8) Good night (564) Bad night (2303)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
  Replies (39) Good night (7407) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk. http://tfl.nu/s5cc
  Replies (15) Good night (5906) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport... http://tfl.nu/e5jz
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming http://tfl.nu/d5m0
  Replies (34) Good night (3855) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty'' http://tfl.nu/27gn
  Replies (25) Good night (409) Bad night (1355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/i4e8
  Replies (15) Good night (4575) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room http://tfl.nu/zqg2
  Replies (23) Good night (4518) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text

  (434): View more from Virginia

  then give me ur phone

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  NEVER!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it (1-434): but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text (434): then give me ur phone (1-434): NEVER!! http://tfl.nu/jzom
  Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's pole dancing on a heat lamp. http://tfl.nu/0l62
  Replies (9) Good night (1234) Bad night (3144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night. http://tfl.nu/piwb
  Replies (12) Good night (7818) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...

  (917): View more from New York City

  oh thats it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (1-917): you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around... (917): oh thats it? http://tfl.nu/beq9
  Replies (7) Good night (4298) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36355) Bad night (2651)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (64) Good night (24094) Bad night (2348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (9634) Bad night (2806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7783) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later http://tfl.nu/x9e9
  Replies (9) Good night (6018) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people... http://tfl.nu/4gx3
  Replies (16) Good night (1880) Bad night (5411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup. http://tfl.nu/qouj
  Replies (20) Good night (6379) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode http://tfl.nu/uv7a
  Replies (28) Good night (6836) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (715) Bad night (2895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date. http://tfl.nu/1wwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6929) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9334) Bad night (1948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself http://tfl.nu/n2u9
  Replies (45) Good night (1205) Bad night (6799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding. http://tfl.nu/b0qx
  Replies (17) Good night (3938) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7354) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA http://tfl.nu/d77g
  Replies (14) Good night (4374) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat. http://tfl.nu/eo6a
  Replies (28) Good night (7468) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hcvk
  Replies (47) Good night (4826) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight. http://tfl.nu/0w7l
  Replies (25) Good night (4157) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot. http://tfl.nu/9z8d
  Replies (24) Good night (4215) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong? http://tfl.nu/074u
  Replies (58) Good night (1037) Bad night (3294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do? http://tfl.nu/4exj
  Replies (48) Good night (1198) Bad night (5670)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2018) Bad night (9696)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth. http://tfl.nu/6w2r
  Replies (26) Good night (1331) Bad night (7272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. http://tfl.nu/oz8w
  Replies (20) Good night (3968) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (643) Bad night (3894)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo http://tfl.nu/7wt5
  Replies (35) Good night (3750) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12194) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Hey, what are you up to?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Hey, what are you up to? (802): Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds. (802): Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard. http://tfl.nu/ope5
  Replies (16) Good night (2196) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (243): View more from

  the bitch is dead man

  (1-243): View more from

  YOUR DOG DIED?

  (243): View more from

  no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (243): the bitch is dead man (1-243): YOUR DOG DIED? (243): no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon. http://tfl.nu/0e8d
  Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network. http://tfl.nu/hbga
  Replies (27) Good night (4234) Bad night (2602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in. http://tfl.nu/s63a
  Replies (39) Good night (3881) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw
  Replies (45) Good night (10000) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue http://tfl.nu/zfyk
  Replies (8) Good night (4442) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (959) Bad night (7274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
  Replies (32) Good night (7095) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh http://tfl.nu/x346
  Replies (29) Good night (9785) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave. http://tfl.nu/35vg
  Replies (26) Good night (1275) Bad night (5955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3530) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6137) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze http://tfl.nu/vupv
  Replies (14) Good night (5286) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out http://tfl.nu/wth6
  Replies (4) Good night (651) Bad night (5159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (9702) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk. http://tfl.nu/sxlu
  Replies (11) Good night (863) Bad night (4944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15812) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no. http://tfl.nu/n7ti
  Replies (6) Good night (5040) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it. http://tfl.nu/3rlt
  Replies (12) Good night (706) Bad night (5408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives. http://tfl.nu/v9m4
  Replies (11) Good night (7368) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (5926) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  consequently i now know what mace tastes like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): consequently i now know what mace tastes like http://tfl.nu/a9b7
  Replies (11) Good night (1040) Bad night (5246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
  Replies (13) Good night (4644) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8189) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here http://tfl.nu/hhg1
  Replies (16) Good night (5086) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
  Replies (45) Good night (18054) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6089) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating. http://tfl.nu/lk5p
  Replies (13) Good night (6258) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month? http://tfl.nu/9rfa
  Replies (6) Good night (1357) Bad night (3437)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!" http://tfl.nu/l7i0
  Replies (6) Good night (5474) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore. http://tfl.nu/9xwr
  Replies (44) Good night (3733) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty. http://tfl.nu/jt5n
  Replies (7) Good night (5674) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25206) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin" http://tfl.nu/odvv
  Replies (16) Good night (7273) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (11778) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26201) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home. http://tfl.nu/joow
  Replies (48) Good night (408) Bad night (1865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Is it possible to jerk off a nipple? http://tfl.nu/fsvj
  Replies (9) Good night (608) Bad night (2521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  He has such a weird drunk-voice.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  dude, he's deaf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): He has such a weird drunk-voice. (1-417): dude, he's deaf. http://tfl.nu/4u2p
  Replies (23) Good night (501) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo http://tfl.nu/x92b
  Replies (2) Good night (1031) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon. http://tfl.nu/mwyy
  Replies (19) Good night (953) Bad night (3994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show? http://tfl.nu/1sfk
  Replies (2) Good night (623) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24621) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added http://tfl.nu/jtyi
  Replies (13) Good night (4815) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
  Replies (49) Good night (979) Bad night (5791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing. http://tfl.nu/xl08
  Replies (36) Good night (3961) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (5759) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever. http://tfl.nu/989r
  Replies (18) Good night (5362) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (9902) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second http://tfl.nu/z13t
  Replies (11) Good night (873) Bad night (4868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9168) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.

  (561): View more from Florida

  He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class. (561): He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it. http://tfl.nu/mjkl
  Replies (18) Good night (5872) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing. http://tfl.nu/ihpp
  Replies (10) Good night (6405) Bad night (1397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were. http://tfl.nu/ckqe
  Replies (52) Good night (1516) Bad night (6770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings http://tfl.nu/fi5x
  Replies (11) Good night (629) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking. http://tfl.nu/ou65
  Replies (17) Good night (4789) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What's going on tomorrow?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nothing, it's Wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Let's make jello shots for tomorrow (1-913): What's going on tomorrow? (913): Nothing, it's Wednesday http://tfl.nu/pnp1
  Replies (29) Good night (10282) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS? (1-775): A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass! http://tfl.nu/lvgp
  Replies (16) Good night (1332) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn
  Replies (49) Good night (890) Bad night (5238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him http://tfl.nu/5c6r
  Replies (142) Good night (16729) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up. http://tfl.nu/1vdz
  Replies (21) Good night (787) Bad night (4174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy" http://tfl.nu/zdbd
  Replies (51) Good night (17049) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt
  Replies (26) Good night (7556) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My penis looks like a roll of pennies

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh. Ok. I get the hint.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My penis looks like a roll of pennies (303): Oh. Ok. I get the hint. (404): Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird... http://tfl.nu/xs9r
  Replies (15) Good night (324) Bad night (2842)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him http://tfl.nu/d2zc
  Replies (83) Good night (786) Bad night (3827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas http://tfl.nu/5abk
  Replies (22) Good night (7883) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (29314) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You made me cry and you don't even care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): You made me cry and you don't even care http://tfl.nu/a209
  Replies (24) Good night (870) Bad night (3728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal..... http://tfl.nu/xm36
  Replies (29) Good night (6236) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying. http://tfl.nu/y4gl
  Replies (91) Good night (1639) Bad night (9393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened. http://tfl.nu/9qga
  Replies (16) Good night (761) Bad night (4299)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom http://tfl.nu/7ros
  Replies (6) Good night (299) Bad night (2655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi
  Replies (25) Good night (6339) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (823) Bad night (4541)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/ee6d
  Replies (5) Good night (1846) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls.. http://tfl.nu/aren
  Replies (5) Good night (2313) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me." http://tfl.nu/89qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1444) Bad night (4494)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends? http://tfl.nu/lhmx
  Replies (8) Good night (2807) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later." http://tfl.nu/4lz3
  Replies (14) Good night (2119) Bad night (3411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate. http://tfl.nu/5lpe
  Replies (13) Good night (5647) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'll start checking the bushes on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually.. (250): i'll start checking the bushes on campus. http://tfl.nu/j3zu
  Replies (34) Good night (5228) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25289) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day. http://tfl.nu/d5nb
  Replies (27) Good night (7407) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day? http://tfl.nu/2o1l
  Replies (17) Good night (5373) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (10890) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o
  Replies (25) Good night (2310) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
  Replies (32) Good night (1161) Bad night (2670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work. http://tfl.nu/kzvl
  Replies (26) Good night (3969) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Strong 6

  (516): View more from New York

  That's an oxymoron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck? (201): Strong 6 (516): That's an oxymoron. http://tfl.nu/n45n
  Replies (32) Good night (1065) Bad night (4062)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick. http://tfl.nu/mxvd
  Replies (10) Good night (726) Bad night (2724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking". http://tfl.nu/tuao
  Replies (9) Good night (5518) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  How bad was it?

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): How bad was it? (1-713): You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth http://tfl.nu/i16m
  Replies (23) Good night (4771) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on http://tfl.nu/1yum
  Replies (9) Good night (387) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions http://tfl.nu/rnwr
  Replies (7) Good night (3311) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave. http://tfl.nu/ztn7
  Replies (22) Good night (1481) Bad night (3265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went http://tfl.nu/2n24
  Replies (7) Good night (1512) Bad night (3122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death http://tfl.nu/irfc
  Replies (14) Good night (3379) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees. http://tfl.nu/j4sn
  Replies (11) Good night (2288) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling. http://tfl.nu/12gk
  Replies (9) Good night (404) Bad night (3518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down http://tfl.nu/e7px
  Replies (16) Good night (472) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff. http://tfl.nu/5eqp
  Replies (21) Good night (2981) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  you alive?

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): you alive? (1-905): ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin http://tfl.nu/15wq
  Replies (17) Good night (3046) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I could have mohawked her pubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I could have mohawked her pubes. http://tfl.nu/msas
  Replies (59) Good night (512) Bad night (4586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd
  Replies (40) Good night (5859) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (442): View more from California

  seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (442): seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong http://tfl.nu/rvkg
  Replies (16) Good night (1260) Bad night (3392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Well douche your snatch and let's go!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Well douche your snatch and let's go! http://tfl.nu/3ukm
  Replies (5) Good night (1071) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in. http://tfl.nu/63c6
  Replies (39) Good night (4027) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fjfv
  Replies (12) Good night (681) Bad night (3903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig. http://tfl.nu/u35s
  Replies (12) Good night (1506) Bad night (4610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded? http://tfl.nu/h9bc
  Replies (19) Good night (1655) Bad night (3734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (489): View more from

  watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (489): watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on . http://tfl.nu/coqw
  Replies (48) Good night (5677) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (37) Good night (16693) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  My mind says no, but my body says yes.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  What does your body say about chlamydia?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): My mind says no, but my body says yes. (703): What does your body say about chlamydia? http://tfl.nu/53wo
  Replies (17) Good night (364) Bad night (2793)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy. http://tfl.nu/cdtm
  Replies (23) Good night (5129) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
  Replies (35) Good night (2952) Bad night (6346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party. http://tfl.nu/pnyn
  Replies (21) Good night (1620) Bad night (7293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order. http://tfl.nu/zk7q
  Replies (16) Good night (5460) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6597) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster. http://tfl.nu/tawm
  Replies (14) Good night (7038) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed. http://tfl.nu/9lg8
  Replies (23) Good night (1755) Bad night (6351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1726) Bad night (5144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks? http://tfl.nu/26q7
  Replies (55) Good night (1827) Bad night (6214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8291) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified. http://tfl.nu/evog
  Replies (15) Good night (1247) Bad night (4190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/s0dr
  Replies (10) Good night (640) Bad night (3813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore http://tfl.nu/jxvu
  Replies (17) Good night (2036) Bad night (5952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter http://tfl.nu/j5l8
  Replies (13) Good night (7916) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp
  Replies (27) Good night (8343) Bad night (2948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6061) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals... (1-217): please don't ever take me to a strip club again... http://tfl.nu/2ds8
  Replies (29) Good night (5639) Bad night (1387)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (5845) Bad night (6397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen? http://tfl.nu/l8m2
  Replies (22) Good night (866) Bad night (5426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens http://tfl.nu/njf7
  Replies (49) Good night (327) Bad night (3114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me. http://tfl.nu/3ypx
  Replies (27) Good night (844) Bad night (10855)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16100) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well http://tfl.nu/qkzl
  Replies (20) Good night (1249) Bad night (5061)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (12540) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed. http://tfl.nu/eoiy
  Replies (24) Good night (1136) Bad night (5110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (8903) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/rj37
  Replies (7) Good night (1965) Bad night (3668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early. http://tfl.nu/8f7a
  Replies (17) Good night (6269) Bad night (1608)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter. http://tfl.nu/zb71
  Replies (17) Good night (3808) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works. http://tfl.nu/ca8d
  Replies (4) Good night (5439) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6023) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10150) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8060) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb
  Replies (29) Good night (10896) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah http://tfl.nu/pdwe
  Replies (2) Good night (1205) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/6ris
  Replies (15) Good night (5824) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people. http://tfl.nu/oty8
  Replies (46) Good night (6928) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party.. http://tfl.nu/fqwv
  Replies (14) Good night (6205) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas http://tfl.nu/93o8
  Replies (13) Good night (1509) Bad night (4369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20231) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around http://tfl.nu/e0gz
  Replies (14) Good night (1838) Bad night (5569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out http://tfl.nu/97pi
  Replies (9) Good night (910) Bad night (5234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say http://tfl.nu/znzu
  Replies (32) Good night (1636) Bad night (4921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6337) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT. http://tfl.nu/98ye
  Replies (27) Good night (1036) Bad night (5893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins. http://tfl.nu/j7t3
  Replies (23) Good night (4455) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders. http://tfl.nu/udeu
  Replies (32) Good night (612) Bad night (5929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Girls should come with a carfax report

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Girls should come with a carfax report http://tfl.nu/ithx
  Replies (55) Good night (6912) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face. http://tfl.nu/uer3
  Replies (61) Good night (910) Bad night (4187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  and i looked up. we had an audience...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): and i looked up. we had an audience... http://tfl.nu/amn4
  Replies (16) Good night (4139) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college. http://tfl.nu/qsq7
  Replies (28) Good night (4090) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/wa98
  Replies (26) Good night (6433) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You kept calling me your small dog last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You kept calling me your small dog last night. http://tfl.nu/02jw
  Replies (6) Good night (663) Bad night (2675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative! http://tfl.nu/b5c4
  Replies (67) Good night (6610) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg
  Replies (19) Good night (6194) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl (1-940): you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent. http://tfl.nu/wzvk
  Replies (47) Good night (1979) Bad night (5775)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate http://tfl.nu/9bko
  Replies (23) Good night (782) Bad night (3945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car http://tfl.nu/oon7
  Replies (29) Good night (4400) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma! http://tfl.nu/1dky
  Replies (67) Good night (1013) Bad night (4025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps? http://tfl.nu/14qf
  Replies (47) Good night (719) Bad night (5074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (763) Bad night (5311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies http://tfl.nu/jxw6
  Replies (15) Good night (1076) Bad night (2635)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn. http://tfl.nu/3kzi
  Replies (15) Good night (1227) Bad night (4701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not. http://tfl.nu/i6ea
  Replies (96) Good night (1132) Bad night (4296)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt???? http://tfl.nu/wi9x
  Replies (44) Good night (496) Bad night (4419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats. http://tfl.nu/rm40
  Replies (40) Good night (13497) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous. http://tfl.nu/a664
  Replies (22) Good night (4101) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish they made sweatshirts for legs

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  you mean pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs (1-602): you mean pants? http://tfl.nu/ceop
  Replies (38) Good night (8151) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win. http://tfl.nu/cl0o
  Replies (66) Good night (6522) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank... http://tfl.nu/1rf9
  Replies (59) Good night (602) Bad night (4898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair. http://tfl.nu/v80o
  Replies (25) Good night (1027) Bad night (6773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again http://tfl.nu/f993
  Replies (15) Good night (3600) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks http://tfl.nu/dbvg
  Replies (21) Good night (887) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome http://tfl.nu/t5r7
  Replies (62) Good night (7395) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone http://tfl.nu/rrl6
  Replies (3) Good night (3950) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real http://tfl.nu/fl2e
  Replies (63) Good night (5997) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower. http://tfl.nu/yzkb
  Replies (44) Good night (11625) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser. http://tfl.nu/l90y
  Replies (17) Good night (5079) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night http://tfl.nu/fv27
  Replies (25) Good night (669) Bad night (7048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist. http://tfl.nu/t7vc
  Replies (27) Good night (5252) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans. http://tfl.nu/yvak
  Replies (48) Good night (6269) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip. http://tfl.nu/klsb
  Replies (50) Good night (397) Bad night (6549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years. http://tfl.nu/9khg
  Replies (78) Good night (6501) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars http://tfl.nu/jmti
  Replies (13) Good night (4545) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super. http://tfl.nu/bpjq
  Replies (23) Good night (661) Bad night (4972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7074) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical. http://tfl.nu/h352
  Replies (129) Good night (13794) Bad night (2636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055
  Replies (49) Good night (1216) Bad night (7271)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete. http://tfl.nu/49zr
  Replies (20) Good night (5667) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing http://tfl.nu/z6st
  Replies (12) Good night (2803) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2826) Bad night (37937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (56) Good night (12631) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break. http://tfl.nu/35mv
  Replies (65) Good night (9492) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf http://tfl.nu/ndyg
  Replies (26) Good night (585) Bad night (5077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning. http://tfl.nu/8v63
  Replies (19) Good night (760) Bad night (5745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am. http://tfl.nu/d1e6
  Replies (111) Good night (9550) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love http://tfl.nu/fo0q
  Replies (41) Good night (2242) Bad night (4103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You? http://tfl.nu/i2et
  Replies (26) Good night (7053) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list? http://tfl.nu/v2ct
  Replies (28) Good night (951) Bad night (4468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61
  Replies (21) Good night (4081) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca
  Replies (33) Good night (10036) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy. http://tfl.nu/uz12
  Replies (44) Good night (4252) Bad night (1824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out. http://tfl.nu/l8yc
  Replies (20) Good night (4471) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet http://tfl.nu/lao3
  Replies (55) Good night (2451) Bad night (4676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy. http://tfl.nu/h40g
  Replies (7) Good night (5591) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend. http://tfl.nu/ihwe
  Replies (27) Good night (12642) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake http://tfl.nu/gu5i
  Replies (11) Good night (4550) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles. http://tfl.nu/w60i
  Replies (38) Good night (6001) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter http://tfl.nu/o0yy
  Replies (33) Good night (1248) Bad night (6070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (27434) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again. http://tfl.nu/aquc
  Replies (14) Good night (650) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest http://tfl.nu/2mrs
  Replies (37) Good night (5088) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong. http://tfl.nu/rar8
  Replies (20) Good night (3608) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....? http://tfl.nu/ofi7
  Replies (28) Good night (4492) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container? http://tfl.nu/it9b
  Replies (33) Good night (5257) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke http://tfl.nu/o61t
  Replies (16) Good night (6067) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes http://tfl.nu/2z3z
  Replies (44) Good night (708) Bad night (3976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away. http://tfl.nu/2pvy
  Replies (31) Good night (8153) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (6678) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket http://tfl.nu/uu8e
  Replies (53) Good night (761) Bad night (4165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes http://tfl.nu/dswl
  Replies (84) Good night (3045) Bad night (7513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top. http://tfl.nu/4up5
  Replies (132) Good night (569) Bad night (8228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My cat gives me a boner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My cat gives me a boner http://tfl.nu/df3i
  Replies (29) Good night (530) Bad night (6713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Can i come over

  (240): View more from Maryland

  After you called me a desperate slut? No

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Can i come over (240): After you called me a desperate slut? No (240): Come over http://tfl.nu/g0q3
  Replies (10) Good night (3984) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  isnt it creepy that our bodies make people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): isnt it creepy that our bodies make people http://tfl.nu/vg9u
  Replies (98) Good night (5748) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target. http://tfl.nu/enj6
  Replies (15) Good night (734) Bad night (3476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom." http://tfl.nu/h2e6
  Replies (15) Good night (3985) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (112) Good night (23015) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Come over? It's my birthday

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  How many times has that text failed you tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Come over? It's my birthday (267): How many times has that text failed you tonight? http://tfl.nu/a6z6
  Replies (19) Good night (614) Bad night (7607)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like half our conversations start this way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770
  Replies (16) Good night (5690) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What are you wearing to our high school reunion?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What are you wearing to our high school reunion? (678): I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?" http://tfl.nu/i3zg
  Replies (27) Good night (4156) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  worms taste like bacon by the way.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I always wondered what they tasted like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): worms taste like bacon by the way. (1-813): I always wondered what they tasted like. http://tfl.nu/a7qy
  Replies (9) Good night (1043) Bad night (3034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in" http://tfl.nu/uuti
  Replies (6) Good night (3694) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened.... http://tfl.nu/g3ve
  Replies (38) Good night (389) Bad night (6199)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek. http://tfl.nu/wo3r
  Replies (18) Good night (3307) Bad night (4646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary. http://tfl.nu/8dm9
  Replies (44) Good night (5110) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine. http://tfl.nu/4xx7
  Replies (8) Good night (461) Bad night (6557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  we should wear snuggies to the strip club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): we should wear snuggies to the strip club http://tfl.nu/cih2
  Replies (17) Good night (6100) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  Aren't you in 8th grade?

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  9th, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school.. (1-502): Aren't you in 8th grade? (502): 9th, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/te0g
  Replies (104) Good night (5374) Bad night (3450)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop? http://tfl.nu/1iue
  Replies (245) Good night (4797) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged (703): just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit http://tfl.nu/pac5
  Replies (61) Good night (1347) Bad night (11776)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  why can't you just be normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u? (1-815): why can't you just be normal http://tfl.nu/06xb
  Replies (77) Good night (4527) Bad night (2867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex. http://tfl.nu/u4lo
  Replies (29) Good night (5742) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you. http://tfl.nu/qbhx
  Replies (11) Good night (489) Bad night (3509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way" http://tfl.nu/67ib
  Replies (8) Good night (4248) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She was lying the whole time!

  (310): View more from California

  She was a great actress

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was a great dumbass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She was lying the whole time! (310): She was a great actress (248): I was a great dumbass http://tfl.nu/8lxg
  Replies (2) Good night (459) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i have a girlfriend

  (847): View more from Illinois

  if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i have a girlfriend (847): if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend? (630): no http://tfl.nu/0yu4
  Replies (40) Good night (5189) Bad night (1463)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (8001) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww http://tfl.nu/qfxi
  Replies (104) Good night (946) Bad night (31347)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle http://tfl.nu/fluw
  Replies (27) Good night (4041) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life? (717): Winning. http://tfl.nu/sgsw
  Replies (74) Good night (6767) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u
  Replies (13) Good night (1086) Bad night (3757)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving. http://tfl.nu/e2dg
  Replies (27) Good night (2545) Bad night (4248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore http://tfl.nu/4xlx
  Replies (21) Good night (1119) Bad night (4251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

  (817): View more from Texas

  dude, everything can mix, this is college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): does wine, beer, and vodka mix well?? (817): dude, everything can mix, this is college. http://tfl.nu/mqi0
  Replies (24) Good night (5813) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  You at least unplugged it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought... (1-540): You at least unplugged it right? http://tfl.nu/cwvi
  Replies (37) Good night (922) Bad night (3762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like. http://tfl.nu/sasf
  Replies (25) Good night (8848) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16064) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Did we use protection last night?

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Um, no...keep in touch, okay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Did we use protection last night? (1-780): Um, no...keep in touch, okay? http://tfl.nu/2myc
  Replies (46) Good night (895) Bad night (14291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok. http://tfl.nu/zi5p
  Replies (7) Good night (513) Bad night (2931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles http://tfl.nu/39eh
  Replies (19) Good night (4114) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
  Replies (32) Good night (5787) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx
  Replies (18) Good night (9108) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Oh no, it isn't official until she poops. http://tfl.nu/gc75
  Replies (20) Good night (507) Bad night (3311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be http://tfl.nu/0ihg
  Replies (59) Good night (7832) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/1ci0
  Replies (57) Good night (2157) Bad night (6501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (221): View more from

  I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (221): I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/7n2x
  Replies (20) Good night (906) Bad night (7168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm http://tfl.nu/y579
  Replies (27) Good night (7125) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap. http://tfl.nu/f3x1
  Replies (59) Good night (536) Bad night (17425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint. http://tfl.nu/71cw
  Replies (32) Good night (6086) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking. http://tfl.nu/9w1c
  Replies (11) Good night (3781) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub... http://tfl.nu/665a
  Replies (9) Good night (5861) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire. http://tfl.nu/ff1n
  Replies (19) Good night (4097) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted. http://tfl.nu/d3cr
  Replies (12) Good night (4943) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good... http://tfl.nu/zb2a
  Replies (44) Good night (968) Bad night (9272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk. http://tfl.nu/z5dl
  Replies (13) Good night (3589) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (11976) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg. http://tfl.nu/82qd
  Replies (46) Good night (1369) Bad night (2983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (16839) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2034) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo. http://tfl.nu/6eag
  Replies (37) Good night (4279) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory http://tfl.nu/s661
  Replies (15) Good night (3769) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (9769) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler http://tfl.nu/fwfa
  Replies (12) Good night (5521) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug" http://tfl.nu/c6tu
  Replies (22) Good night (5557) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam. http://tfl.nu/4l2e
  Replies (26) Good night (866) Bad night (6152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (148) Good night (10879) Bad night (1813)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/xvk7
  Replies (33) Good night (17368) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours? http://tfl.nu/hqbo
  Replies (46) Good night (2501) Bad night (7985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (30929) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you.. http://tfl.nu/8fyi
  Replies (24) Good night (687) Bad night (8892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu http://tfl.nu/9ul0
  Replies (14) Good night (2131) Bad night (3770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was.... http://tfl.nu/srrx
  Replies (31) Good night (4432) Bad night (2829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR http://tfl.nu/vnpf
  Replies (10) Good night (690) Bad night (4918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation. http://tfl.nu/k6x3
  Replies (35) Good night (5914) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
  Replies (19) Good night (506) Bad night (9381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution" http://tfl.nu/yos3
  Replies (22) Good night (5858) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision http://tfl.nu/37aw
  Replies (11) Good night (5654) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK. http://tfl.nu/twe7
  Replies (96) Good night (7279) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later. http://tfl.nu/zlbw
  Replies (3) Good night (3947) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/hyr8
  Replies (240) Good night (1757) Bad night (7983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements. http://tfl.nu/23am
  Replies (39) Good night (8091) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  what is college for if not random hookup sex?

  (951): View more from California

  learning.

  (209): View more from California

  i would literally fuck learning if i could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could. http://tfl.nu/3rtk
  Replies (50) Good night (9104) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't? http://tfl.nu/pb2r
  Replies (65) Good night (5684) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them? http://tfl.nu/3pc1
  Replies (16) Good night (1072) Bad night (4342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby http://tfl.nu/8o91
  Replies (87) Good night (10244) Bad night (1621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons http://tfl.nu/079e
  Replies (4) Good night (4593) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow. You named your rash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch. (717): Wow. You named your rash. http://tfl.nu/cxl6
  Replies (22) Good night (608) Bad night (3704)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand... http://tfl.nu/3a2z
  Replies (8) Good night (1441) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia . http://tfl.nu/fovz
  Replies (12) Good night (785) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless. http://tfl.nu/pksh
  Replies (14) Good night (341) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  What!?!?! How are you txting?!

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc
  Replies (55) Good night (786) Bad night (2711)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart. http://tfl.nu/md27
  Replies (5) Good night (429) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh
  Replies (17) Good night (2287) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night

  (303): View more from Colorado

  lol who won

  (727): View more from Florida

  well im in the hospital right now so u tell me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night (303): lol who won (727): well im in the hospital right now so u tell me http://tfl.nu/pmtb
  Replies (15) Good night (1249) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was http://tfl.nu/b47l
  Replies (14) Good night (353) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed http://tfl.nu/9co8
  Replies (14) Good night (826) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  could be more

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  absolutely not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw (1-612): strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing (612): could be more (1-612): absolutely not http://tfl.nu/n6ii
  Replies (19) Good night (538) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off? (1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it. http://tfl.nu/du1d
  Replies (16) Good night (1159) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway. http://tfl.nu/8j56
  Replies (10) Good night (296) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight http://tfl.nu/sfgp
  Replies (4) Good night (647) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money

  (813): View more from Florida

  sounds like you understand them just fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money (813): sounds like you understand them just fine http://tfl.nu/0zfp
  Replies (10) Good night (1326) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today http://tfl.nu/7gup
  Replies (6) Good night (839) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet. http://tfl.nu/lza9
  Replies (9) Good night (477) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am. http://tfl.nu/6top
  Replies (5) Good night (1123) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If I go to jail what happens to my debt?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  You dont have to pay it.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If I go to jail what happens to my debt? (1-908): You dont have to pay it. (908): I'm going to jail. http://tfl.nu/9by4
  Replies (2) Good night (1078) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  youre so sexy i want your bod

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude, did you turn gay?

  (949): View more from California

  heather?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  this is jacob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): youre so sexy i want your bod (410): dude, did you turn gay? (949): heather? (410): this is jacob http://tfl.nu/gn2b
  Replies (14) Good night (672) Bad night (1755)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex http://tfl.nu/ohto
  Replies (7) Good night (1294) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She didnt have a camera...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera (908): She didnt have a camera... http://tfl.nu/89kt
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar? http://tfl.nu/vt9e
  Replies (2) Good night (1006) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  and what kinds of feelings would these be?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Happy, horny, occasionally hungry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig? (1-586): and what kinds of feelings would these be? (586): Happy, horny, occasionally hungry http://tfl.nu/z6jk
  Replies (7) Good night (1071) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can still come hang out if you want

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I really don't feel like watching you play video games

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): you can still come hang out if you want (248): I really don't feel like watching you play video games http://tfl.nu/d4ru
  Replies (19) Good night (434) Bad night (1272)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  we have officially lost it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): we have officially lost it. http://tfl.nu/v1jx
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink (313): Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver http://tfl.nu/lqre
  Replies (9) Good night (1942) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Alarm just got pulled in my exam

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Swear it wasn't me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Alarm just got pulled in my exam (517): Swear it wasn't me http://tfl.nu/3yrm
  Replies (2) Good night (1401) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today http://tfl.nu/czz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1527) Bad night (3817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  dying kittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner? (1-201): dying kittens. http://tfl.nu/66tr
  Replies (19) Good night (506) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches http://tfl.nu/0tvi
  Replies (6) Good night (3690) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion. http://tfl.nu/ldji
  Replies (16) Good night (6376) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call. http://tfl.nu/3web
  Replies (69) Good night (5280) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas.... http://tfl.nu/nx5u
  Replies (16) Good night (483) Bad night (4923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her (860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!" (860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies http://tfl.nu/084i
  Replies (42) Good night (2251) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy http://tfl.nu/sv21
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (1601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?" http://tfl.nu/740o
  Replies (9) Good night (1736) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Your dad touched me again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Your dad touched me again. http://tfl.nu/syvf
  Replies (30) Good night (1758) Bad night (22866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I hate bills.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Like ones you have to pay or people named William?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I hate bills. (479): Like ones you have to pay or people named William? http://tfl.nu/wp4z
  Replies (11) Good night (2140) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2727) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high http://tfl.nu/hr6z
  Replies (9) Good night (2144) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn. http://tfl.nu/vfme
  Replies (18) Good night (371) Bad night (3348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?! (267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room.. (609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?! http://tfl.nu/dtle
  Replies (37) Good night (432) Bad night (3260)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning... http://tfl.nu/swvs
  Replies (40) Good night (359) Bad night (2392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both http://tfl.nu/4hk0
  Replies (9) Good night (2700) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon. http://tfl.nu/un6b
  Replies (7) Good night (379) Bad night (4118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk http://tfl.nu/57qd
  Replies (7) Good night (1450) Bad night (1665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  This is evicking siegelnvs

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Im sorry?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  This is fucking ridiculous*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): This is evicking siegelnvs (443): Im sorry? (410): This is fucking ridiculous* http://tfl.nu/9l7k
  Replies (13) Good night (3558) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o34i
  Replies (39) Good night (1565) Bad night (12041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on http://tfl.nu/r4c1
  Replies (12) Good night (726) Bad night (2509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down. (1-302): You mean inside out. (302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist. http://tfl.nu/eio3
  Replies (20) Good night (7172) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2
  Replies (19) Good night (8679) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Well, there goes breastfeeding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much! (704): Well, there goes breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/c1mz
  Replies (44) Good night (759) Bad night (2265)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south http://tfl.nu/fqw1
  Replies (48) Good night (2424) Bad night (1510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way http://tfl.nu/rl6u
  Replies (220) Good night (2061) Bad night (27371)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever http://tfl.nu/qcqe
  Replies (7) Good night (629) Bad night (1439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
  Replies (28) Good night (4575) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap http://tfl.nu/9u2o
  Replies (31) Good night (753) Bad night (4115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c
  Replies (46) Good night (924) Bad night (4360)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  i wonder if she has dreads down there too...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): i wonder if she has dreads down there too... http://tfl.nu/iak9
  Replies (13) Good night (410) Bad night (2556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (645) Bad night (3278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP http://tfl.nu/adca
  Replies (19) Good night (3688) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work. http://tfl.nu/5w8x
  Replies (16) Good night (1959) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency? http://tfl.nu/lb38
  Replies (35) Good night (3023) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji http://tfl.nu/f9w1
  Replies (9) Good night (945) Bad night (1997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent http://tfl.nu/5817
  Replies (18) Good night (461) Bad night (4708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper. http://tfl.nu/5c6l
  Replies (7) Good night (500) Bad night (2542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca. (412): That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia. http://tfl.nu/lbkk
  Replies (84) Good night (2324) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings" http://tfl.nu/7jzd
  Replies (29) Good night (2744) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  everyone is single if you try hard enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): everyone is single if you try hard enough http://tfl.nu/81g9
  Replies (42) Good night (5004) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/etyc
  Replies (12) Good night (569) Bad night (1910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages. http://tfl.nu/6cym
  Replies (16) Good night (2776) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead (201): NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it" http://tfl.nu/4pzt
  Replies (85) Good night (4484) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass. http://tfl.nu/0fum
  Replies (48) Good night (672) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door (865): and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice http://tfl.nu/lffl
  Replies (23) Good night (7149) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to => http://tfl.nu/cnq4
  Replies (52) Good night (518) Bad night (9883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe http://tfl.nu/vn8k
  Replies (5) Good night (288) Bad night (2875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv
  Replies (44) Good night (8034) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i can't believe i had my finger in that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i can't believe i had my finger in that http://tfl.nu/9wn3
  Replies (15) Good night (404) Bad night (3684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges. http://tfl.nu/kn7k
  Replies (51) Good night (888) Bad night (4394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts http://tfl.nu/ju9y
  Replies (28) Good night (5009) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever. http://tfl.nu/26l9
  Replies (23) Good night (6771) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay (602): I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay" http://tfl.nu/cfbv
  Replies (19) Good night (3725) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. http://tfl.nu/74j4
  Replies (30) Good night (654) Bad night (3484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Maybe she gives good head

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): Maybe she gives good head (615): A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head http://tfl.nu/5nox
  Replies (44) Good night (534) Bad night (3509)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Are you with Adam and his vodka?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Are you with Adam and his vodka? (1-516): Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued http://tfl.nu/0qde
  Replies (29) Good night (3932) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  i am grossed the fuck out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy (1-843): i am grossed the fuck out http://tfl.nu/o4kg
  Replies (90) Good night (569) Bad night (6407)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft. http://tfl.nu/x178
  Replies (345) Good night (2634) Bad night (16851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping. http://tfl.nu/7pjn
  Replies (47) Good night (3173) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner http://tfl.nu/9h98
  Replies (27) Good night (3926) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater http://tfl.nu/5s3p
  Replies (19) Good night (684) Bad night (3062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (127) Good night (882) Bad night (33770)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl
  Replies (61) Good night (7088) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz. http://tfl.nu/wgvl
  Replies (84) Good night (1809) Bad night (5932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?" http://tfl.nu/fmqf
  Replies (57) Good night (640) Bad night (3766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face http://tfl.nu/tsxz
  Replies (16) Good night (3893) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move. http://tfl.nu/cgsd
  Replies (22) Good night (604) Bad night (4073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him. http://tfl.nu/aa9y
  Replies (34) Good night (2630) Bad night (4158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis. http://tfl.nu/wydm
  Replies (16) Good night (4231) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look... http://tfl.nu/yc9r
  Replies (8) Good night (865) Bad night (2780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude i feel like shit

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  well u did eat a lot of play-doh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): dude i feel like shit (413): well u did eat a lot of play-doh http://tfl.nu/0jaq
  Replies (10) Good night (1506) Bad night (4318)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding http://tfl.nu/47j9
  Replies (10) Good night (5404) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think? http://tfl.nu/cxvx
  Replies (80) Good night (1175) Bad night (18302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy. http://tfl.nu/bldo
  Replies (18) Good night (7348) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked. http://tfl.nu/6dqf
  Replies (28) Good night (1131) Bad night (4660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!" http://tfl.nu/p213
  Replies (23) Good night (1092) Bad night (7319)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce. http://tfl.nu/u935
  Replies (25) Good night (423) Bad night (6695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
  Replies (28) Good night (10408) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska. http://tfl.nu/x618
  Replies (49) Good night (5241) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick http://tfl.nu/923d
  Replies (17) Good night (5143) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself http://tfl.nu/tgru
  Replies (18) Good night (3007) Bad night (4325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq
  Replies (19) Good night (1098) Bad night (4962)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees http://tfl.nu/kant
  Replies (17) Good night (4027) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
  Replies (32) Good night (9057) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (8860) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together http://tfl.nu/1hrq
  Replies (36) Good night (5790) Bad night (1444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw
  Replies (73) Good night (10571) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name. http://tfl.nu/1ows
  Replies (57) Good night (776) Bad night (14526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot. http://tfl.nu/xny3
  Replies (35) Good night (5195) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l
  Replies (19) Good night (4229) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  can you pick me up an extra syllabus

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i passed out in the shower again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): can you pick me up an extra syllabus (317): i passed out in the shower again http://tfl.nu/i8ap
  Replies (26) Good night (4110) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted http://tfl.nu/rfs0
  Replies (98) Good night (1845) Bad night (8480)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12013) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'. http://tfl.nu/510f
  Replies (26) Good night (4826) Bad night (1833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14041) Bad night (2990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender. http://tfl.nu/r1fg
  Replies (24) Good night (1579) Bad night (10757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Either way I should probably pregame on the plane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Either way I should probably pregame on the plane http://tfl.nu/xs77
  Replies (10) Good night (4919) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter http://tfl.nu/r170
  Replies (18) Good night (711) Bad night (4561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1
  Replies (39) Good night (806) Bad night (15101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Sacagawea was the original milf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Sacagawea was the original milf. http://tfl.nu/8vpz
  Replies (39) Good night (4933) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake. http://tfl.nu/zq33
  Replies (47) Good night (763) Bad night (6071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono (973): How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you? http://tfl.nu/fl5a
  Replies (41) Good night (1325) Bad night (4570)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9244) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/luie
  Replies (23) Good night (1379) Bad night (3996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55359) Bad night (6456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break. http://tfl.nu/9me9
  Replies (17) Good night (3972) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1022) Bad night (12395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it. http://tfl.nu/zncn
  Replies (32) Good night (6456) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose? http://tfl.nu/qulw
  Replies (111) Good night (922) Bad night (15532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7313) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): she thought the capital of kansas was topanga. http://tfl.nu/ge7r
  Replies (40) Good night (3519) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md
  Replies (46) Good night (934) Bad night (6385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Party in the USA is so catchy!

  (863): View more from Florida

  Yea, so is AIDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Party in the USA is so catchy! (863): Yea, so is AIDS. http://tfl.nu/nzzd
  Replies (86) Good night (10940) Bad night (1616)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10332) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic? http://tfl.nu/piwl
  Replies (28) Good night (6440) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time. http://tfl.nu/8o43
  Replies (22) Good night (5098) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it http://tfl.nu/4e12
  Replies (9) Good night (898) Bad night (3925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25095) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
  Replies (35) Good night (7271) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero... http://tfl.nu/xsvf
  Replies (17) Good night (5965) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons... http://tfl.nu/4olw
  Replies (10) Good night (3473) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me. http://tfl.nu/xhqm
  Replies (24) Good night (1535) Bad night (3273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Shotgun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): ISS teacher has a tramp stamp. (1-361): Shotgun. http://tfl.nu/53a6
  Replies (57) Good night (4175) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6592) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding http://tfl.nu/srhr
  Replies (12) Good night (5156) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (31) Good night (14654) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4551) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

  (253): View more from Washington

  no more ever clear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning (1-253): because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha' (253): no more ever clear http://tfl.nu/f9lp
  Replies (33) Good night (7033) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9446) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka. http://tfl.nu/pwqr
  Replies (15) Good night (753) Bad night (7750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him. http://tfl.nu/coq9
  Replies (9) Good night (4443) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9143) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over http://tfl.nu/74b2
  Replies (28) Good night (20434) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic http://tfl.nu/himg
  Replies (20) Good night (4669) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience. http://tfl.nu/dazo
  Replies (12) Good night (569) Bad night (3957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have http://tfl.nu/u3xa
  Replies (17) Good night (911) Bad night (5688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12895) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There is a distinct lack of front teeth here. http://tfl.nu/ak90
  Replies (25) Good night (579) Bad night (5624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label. http://tfl.nu/4zf6
  Replies (10) Good night (741) Bad night (3990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this. http://tfl.nu/a7q9
  Replies (28) Good night (1973) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit http://tfl.nu/qd4t
  Replies (63) Good night (934) Bad night (7133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing. http://tfl.nu/z54y
  Replies (15) Good night (493) Bad night (6579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (3519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  mine is 'the'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'. (703): mine is 'the'. http://tfl.nu/v1g1
  Replies (32) Good night (8656) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring. http://tfl.nu/hdeg
  Replies (30) Good night (5696) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5753) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

  (631): View more from New York

  what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47
  Replies (34) Good night (6860) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16812) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying. http://tfl.nu/4ymz
  Replies (18) Good night (2135) Bad night (3350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7502) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11338) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt
  Replies (44) Good night (14653) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while http://tfl.nu/ax7b
  Replies (33) Good night (1346) Bad night (4651)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

  (949): View more from California

  little did she know i was taping her the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket." (949): little did she know i was taping her the whole time. http://tfl.nu/jcur
  Replies (53) Good night (9087) Bad night (2147)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/ff78
  Replies (31) Good night (2233) Bad night (5088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59255) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  mondays should just be called national damage control day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): mondays should just be called national damage control day http://tfl.nu/14ab
  Replies (15) Good night (4452) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11467) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA". http://tfl.nu/ak7j
  Replies (9) Good night (3440) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region? (1-513): The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well. http://tfl.nu/bwog
  Replies (28) Good night (1393) Bad night (5227)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything http://tfl.nu/13bs
  Replies (49) Good night (572) Bad night (6070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal http://tfl.nu/nm22
  Replies (64) Good night (1115) Bad night (5605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted http://tfl.nu/844p
  Replies (25) Good night (5095) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx
  Replies (49) Good night (6013) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship. http://tfl.nu/8xz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7241) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
  Replies (47) Good night (2775) Bad night (13920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK http://tfl.nu/ybgq
  Replies (65) Good night (654) Bad night (8572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back

  (914): View more from New York

  that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back (914): that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart http://tfl.nu/d09e
  Replies (102) Good night (1403) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now. (1-804): I'm on my way. http://tfl.nu/8nvt
  Replies (28) Good night (6857) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class http://tfl.nu/hb3s
  Replies (22) Good night (4694) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes. http://tfl.nu/jrvg
  Replies (63) Good night (6717) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
  Replies (62) Good night (9226) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (175) Good night (1646) Bad night (27406)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20561) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
  Replies (9) Good night (4679) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor http://tfl.nu/0k04
  Replies (17) Good night (742) Bad night (4598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You better have your party panties on Saturday!

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Why only Saturday?

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You better have your party panties on Saturday! (1-205): Why only Saturday? (205): Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri. http://tfl.nu/ifn7
  Replies (26) Good night (3923) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling. http://tfl.nu/ly52
  Replies (26) Good night (5267) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs' http://tfl.nu/aa98
  Replies (37) Good night (1048) Bad night (16713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13118) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week. http://tfl.nu/twaw
  Replies (44) Good night (5005) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (45) Good night (9635) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  did you fuck him yet?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): did you fuck him yet? (1-902): hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun? http://tfl.nu/r4bc
  Replies (22) Good night (6174) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus... http://tfl.nu/529z
  Replies (32) Good night (5061) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer. http://tfl.nu/24xs
  Replies (16) Good night (1130) Bad night (2788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help. http://tfl.nu/q9on
  Replies (39) Good night (518) Bad night (8797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics http://tfl.nu/wc24
  Replies (49) Good night (5007) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw http://tfl.nu/mvua
  Replies (45) Good night (7151) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  period poops. best. ever.

  (925): View more from California

  omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): period poops. best. ever. (925): omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that... http://tfl.nu/lwj4
  Replies (144) Good night (1505) Bad night (18553)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again. http://tfl.nu/9v1i
  Replies (45) Good night (4657) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u
  Replies (20) Good night (854) Bad night (5478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  we live in such a classy society.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead. (815): we live in such a classy society. http://tfl.nu/glf0
  Replies (25) Good night (5313) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death. http://tfl.nu/mvsk
  Replies (12) Good night (817) Bad night (4691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary. http://tfl.nu/vju6
  Replies (25) Good night (943) Bad night (4439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (6707) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up. http://tfl.nu/ay5l
  Replies (33) Good night (1044) Bad night (4931)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine http://tfl.nu/5fcf
  Replies (32) Good night (2139) Bad night (6787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62
  Replies (17) Good night (6128) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch." http://tfl.nu/35ko
  Replies (29) Good night (962) Bad night (4226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Barney's a jerk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments. (617): Barney's a jerk http://tfl.nu/dlz7
  Replies (16) Good night (4494) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (7837) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right? http://tfl.nu/y3vu
  Replies (49) Good night (993) Bad night (7042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows. http://tfl.nu/3dnj
  Replies (10) Good night (5362) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14716) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good http://tfl.nu/r9g3
  Replies (5) Good night (1186) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Jake died.

  (310): View more from California

  WTF????????? That's how you tell me????

  (818): View more from California

  Oops typo. Jake cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Jake died. (310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me???? (818): Oops typo. Jake cried. http://tfl.nu/zib8
  Replies (41) Good night (4459) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer. http://tfl.nu/bdc9
  Replies (37) Good night (1921) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something! http://tfl.nu/qltt
  Replies (14) Good night (515) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit? http://tfl.nu/h53l
  Replies (19) Good night (1418) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents. http://tfl.nu/l0y8
  Replies (9) Good night (624) Bad night (1777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  my head looks like a cockatoo

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): my head looks like a cockatoo (1-305): mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom http://tfl.nu/w2nh
  Replies (10) Good night (752) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22866)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (757) Bad night (2665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Apparently hers is a theme park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground. (954): Apparently hers is a theme park. http://tfl.nu/yoy4
  Replies (8) Good night (792) Bad night (1798)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf? http://tfl.nu/ht45
  Replies (15) Good night (3806) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure." http://tfl.nu/vpnd
  Replies (42) Good night (5686) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/wvv2
  Replies (0) Good night (1024) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb
  Replies (33) Good night (9342) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay? http://tfl.nu/l4uw
  Replies (6) Good night (441) Bad night (1510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Midnight walks are trippy

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Midnight walks are trippy (1-817): I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon. http://tfl.nu/r0y6
  Replies (9) Good night (3243) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"! http://tfl.nu/ehkr
  Replies (17) Good night (1127) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/tax7
  Replies (70) Good night (18372) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are. http://tfl.nu/ve28
  Replies (34) Good night (5012) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/5spj
  Replies (9) Good night (508) Bad night (1790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool http://tfl.nu/dl9i
  Replies (53) Good night (3135) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38044) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The recession has changed everything man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Why are there hot girls at the dollar store? (410): The recession has changed everything man. http://tfl.nu/jvje
  Replies (9) Good night (2886) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (92) Good night (10616) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  dibs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces... (603): dibs. http://tfl.nu/d3kw
  Replies (30) Good night (753) Bad night (1951)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight http://tfl.nu/zwys
  Replies (18) Good night (570) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2
  Replies (45) Good night (5686) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation http://tfl.nu/2ie5
  Replies (35) Good night (581) Bad night (4335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen. http://tfl.nu/puzs
  Replies (27) Good night (730) Bad night (10743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called. http://tfl.nu/6o7h
  Replies (12) Good night (677) Bad night (5313)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69
  Replies (38) Good night (12214) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex http://tfl.nu/uikr
  Replies (23) Good night (555) Bad night (7234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (27372) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final http://tfl.nu/3a2h
  Replies (11) Good night (4966) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library... http://tfl.nu/atq4
  Replies (34) Good night (4148) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut. http://tfl.nu/y3au
  Replies (13) Good night (4361) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt