Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
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