I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
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