Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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