We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
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