woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
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