last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
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It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
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