Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
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