It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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