Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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