the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
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Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You smell like a Billy Joel song
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
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