You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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