You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
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