she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Loading more great texts...