i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
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