Texts From Last Night · fuckitsme's Favorites

Sorry fuckindouchebags hasn't picked any favorites yet.

fuckitsme's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home. http://tfl.nu/5hbi

Replies (8) Good night (2424) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"? http://tfl.nu/nflv

Replies (13) Good night (4593) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(901): View more from Tennessee

My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(901): My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary. http://tfl.nu/r2s3

Replies (9) Good night (4772) Bad night (619)
Favorite
(985): View more from Louisiana

she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(985): she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out. http://tfl.nu/kfuw

Replies (11) Good night (3231) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p

Replies (8) Good night (2590) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(918): I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending. http://tfl.nu/bckx

Replies (3) Good night (2440) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(210): View more from Texas

Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(210): Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16. http://tfl.nu/i5l7

Replies (20) Good night (808) Bad night (4118) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(626): View more from California

All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(626): All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me. http://tfl.nu/0mc8

Replies (19) Good night (4160) Bad night (852)
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson http://tfl.nu/oc0q

Replies (7) Good night (3451) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf? http://tfl.nu/zyca

Replies (6) Good night (3171) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9

Replies (49) Good night (5007) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet. http://tfl.nu/onit

Replies (20) Good night (4762) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here. http://tfl.nu/6cd7

Replies (4) Good night (2654) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over. http://tfl.nu/n0ys

Replies (14) Good night (8077) Bad night (825)
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster http://tfl.nu/ujaf

Replies (15) Good night (3127) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(270): View more from Kentucky

If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(270): If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am http://tfl.nu/t19w

Replies (19) Good night (3995) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them http://tfl.nu/300a

Replies (25) Good night (4442) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters. http://tfl.nu/h38s

Replies (23) Good night (2634) Bad night (1518) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(712): View more from Iowa

Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(712): Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer http://tfl.nu/7yso

Replies (10) Good night (5178) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu

Replies (34) Good night (10706) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with. http://tfl.nu/sran

Replies (13) Good night (1851) Bad night (2916) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(417): View more from Missouri

He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

I love foreign exchange students.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(417): He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish. (1-417): I love foreign exchange students. http://tfl.nu/3hb4

Replies (6) Good night (3485) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+61): View more from Australia

It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+61): It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination. http://tfl.nu/nbvv

Replies (3) Good night (2632) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet. http://tfl.nu/j91e

Replies (6) Good night (3105) Bad night (838)
Favorite
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(321): Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class. http://tfl.nu/1es6

Replies (7) Good night (3600) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier. http://tfl.nu/vyfv

Replies (6) Good night (3859) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(347): View more from New York

Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(347): Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight" http://tfl.nu/561l

Replies (5) Good night (2929) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(712): View more from Iowa

i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(712): i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat. http://tfl.nu/sn6a

Replies (5) Good night (3505) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): 5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness http://tfl.nu/vhep

Replies (6) Good night (743) Bad night (3125) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Really* awful people.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people. (215): Really* awful people. http://tfl.nu/94fn

Replies (3) Good night (2531) Bad night (624)
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street http://tfl.nu/sbee

Replies (13) Good night (4237) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig

Replies (41) Good night (4979) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(918): View more from Oklahoma

As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(918): As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy" http://tfl.nu/glce

Replies (9) Good night (2944) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(915): View more from Texas

I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(915): I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner. http://tfl.nu/j2to

Replies (5) Good night (2945) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

(636): View more from Missouri

Yup.

(314): View more from Missouri

Yup.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u

Replies (70) Good night (23404) Bad night (1429)
Favorite
(613): View more from Ontario

Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(613): Will you be topless? That will affect my answer. http://tfl.nu/lf7u

Replies (19) Good night (5853) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(706): View more from Georgia

saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27

Replies (10) Good night (4373) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(918): View more from Oklahoma

IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6

Replies (14) Good night (4883) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away. http://tfl.nu/7b3j

Replies (6) Good night (3158) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that. http://tfl.nu/tj9k

Replies (6) Good night (5270) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home. http://tfl.nu/9xms

Replies (13) Good night (5387) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting. http://tfl.nu/kkkr

Replies (25) Good night (3442) Bad night (2527) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(605): View more from South Dakota

You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn

Replies (29) Good night (10037) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(469): View more from Texas

The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(469): The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig. http://tfl.nu/4p0a

Replies (9) Good night (4121) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost. http://tfl.nu/27qj

Replies (8) Good night (3055) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not http://tfl.nu/tjy5

Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (2818) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned. http://tfl.nu/8wo4

Replies (5) Good night (2955) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(760): View more from California

double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(760): double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors http://tfl.nu/3oh4

Replies (10) Good night (3413) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(561): View more from Florida

he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(561): he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him http://tfl.nu/gz84

Replies (15) Good night (4511) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(419): View more from Ohio

I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(419): I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion" http://tfl.nu/b5an

Replies (11) Good night (6626) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you http://tfl.nu/09i6

Replies (3) Good night (2684) Bad night (1284)
Favorite
(973): View more from New Jersey

I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(973): I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning. http://tfl.nu/dg43

Replies (4) Good night (3511) Bad night (630)
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME http://tfl.nu/u7n7

Replies (16) Good night (3743) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face. http://tfl.nu/5edg

Replies (7) Good night (3466) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(910): I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about. http://tfl.nu/tvk3

Replies (4) Good night (3731) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): There's a paramedic out here, what have you done? http://tfl.nu/vsi3

Replies (3) Good night (2546) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(901): View more from Tennessee

Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(901): Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed http://tfl.nu/avah

Replies (8) Good night (1218) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

(315): View more from New York

AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!! (315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/witt

Replies (16) Good night (5688) Bad night (1143)
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others. http://tfl.nu/smz5

Replies (6) Good night (3316) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+06): View more from

We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+06): We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away. http://tfl.nu/dvn1

Replies (13) Good night (5991) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(585): View more from New York

Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(585): Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there http://tfl.nu/9lof

Replies (12) Good night (4814) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks. http://tfl.nu/8rn4

Replies (17) Good night (5537) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(318): View more from Louisiana

He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(318): He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer? http://tfl.nu/zjcd

Replies (11) Good night (3333) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death http://tfl.nu/7rv2

Replies (9) Good night (2683) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question. http://tfl.nu/3n7q

Replies (7) Good night (2824) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(267): I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem http://tfl.nu/6rep

Replies (9) Good night (4025) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac? http://tfl.nu/67cg

Replies (84) Good night (7043) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them. http://tfl.nu/7w09

Replies (9) Good night (4962) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up. http://tfl.nu/zf7z

Replies (16) Good night (834) Bad night (3862)
Favorite
(828): View more from North Carolina

That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(828): That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy. http://tfl.nu/c9sd

Replies (17) Good night (4353) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(469): View more from Texas

I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(469): I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs. http://tfl.nu/36r0

Replies (10) Good night (3768) Bad night (838)
Favorite
(951): View more from California

My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa

Replies (33) Good night (10076) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(951): View more from California

she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(951): she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked. http://tfl.nu/fnf4

Replies (18) Good night (3776) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(951): View more from California

I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(951): I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved http://tfl.nu/ox8t

Replies (7) Good night (837) Bad night (2167) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(619): View more from California

I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person. http://tfl.nu/uqdv

Replies (53) Good night (1477) Bad night (5534) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(619): View more from California

she peed on how many people?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): she peed on how many people? http://tfl.nu/sqm0

Replies (23) Good night (1692) Bad night (5552) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(619): View more from California

I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf

Replies (15) Good night (6333) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout http://tfl.nu/u300

Replies (6) Good night (2320) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(937): View more from Ohio

how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(937): how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on? http://tfl.nu/yug9

Replies (16) Good night (4609) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back http://tfl.nu/ecfc

Replies (5) Good night (2865) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(989): View more from Michigan

Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(989): Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street. http://tfl.nu/pdx2

Replies (9) Good night (2462) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza. http://tfl.nu/j0sn

Replies (5) Good night (3589) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(913): View more from Kansas

No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(913): No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough. http://tfl.nu/u8ss

Replies (3) Good night (2158) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(507): View more from Minnesota

I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(507): I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER. http://tfl.nu/g7c4

Replies (20) Good night (5224) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/e8ez

Replies (6) Good night (4529) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): 8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on. http://tfl.nu/8x7p

Replies (6) Good night (5142) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(530): View more from California

regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle http://tfl.nu/1njn

Replies (10) Good night (3166) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(806): View more from Texas

with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7

Replies (31) Good night (9742) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow http://tfl.nu/pzca

Replies (5) Good night (2569) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(805): View more from California

I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more. http://tfl.nu/p4p6

Replies (5) Good night (3135) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(949): View more from California

Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(949): Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick" http://tfl.nu/m9ln

Replies (21) Good night (3546) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(512): View more from Texas

She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(512): She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers http://tfl.nu/jy5e

Replies (11) Good night (1710) Bad night (3179) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(575): View more from New Mexico

Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(575): Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again. http://tfl.nu/4z0a

Replies (5) Good night (3756) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious http://tfl.nu/8hxf

Replies (20) Good night (6670) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman http://tfl.nu/e120

Replies (21) Good night (4097) Bad night (2009) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper. http://tfl.nu/o740

Replies (4) Good night (2751) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends http://tfl.nu/8jwh

Replies (7) Good night (2636) Bad night (706)
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless? http://tfl.nu/wpih

Replies (24) Good night (1052) Bad night (3635) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina... http://tfl.nu/78ky

Replies (19) Good night (1541) Bad night (6981) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(305): View more from Florida

what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(305): what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose http://tfl.nu/99kl

Replies (8) Good night (1156) Bad night (3706) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea. http://tfl.nu/itom

Replies (2) Good night (2547) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night. http://tfl.nu/2m2y

Replies (6) Good night (4256) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(763): View more from Minnesota

lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b

Replies (2) Good night (1250) Bad night (2451) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar. http://tfl.nu/8pyq

Replies (13) Good night (4779) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(636): View more from Missouri

I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(636): I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high http://tfl.nu/wyfj

Replies (16) Good night (4294) Bad night (1760) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore. http://tfl.nu/3jmh

Replies (15) Good night (4172) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(707): View more from California

I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(707): I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already http://tfl.nu/x0ls

Replies (9) Good night (4115) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog. http://tfl.nu/53ei

Replies (6) Good night (822) Bad night (2700) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis http://tfl.nu/kplw

Replies (17) Good night (6771) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(419): View more from Ohio

two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(419): two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome http://tfl.nu/ey6z

Replies (11) Good night (4734) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(620): View more from Kansas

In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(620): In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night. http://tfl.nu/xvxy

Replies (2) Good night (3508) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(705): View more from Ontario

Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(705): Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it. http://tfl.nu/bw0n

Replies (11) Good night (4159) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving http://tfl.nu/vnp1

Replies (21) Good night (5289) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc

Replies (5) Good night (4084) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(510): View more from California

Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(510): Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret. http://tfl.nu/p1m5

Replies (2) Good night (760) Bad night (3266) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room... http://tfl.nu/wehm

Replies (8) Good night (2923) Bad night (927)
Favorite
(718): View more from New York

He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(718): He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter. http://tfl.nu/o453

Replies (16) Good night (6522) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock. http://tfl.nu/lwgf

Replies (14) Good night (3066) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(763): View more from Minnesota

Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(763): Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/2fqf

Replies (7) Good night (4179) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises. http://tfl.nu/xzxa

Replies (7) Good night (3816) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical. http://tfl.nu/ictl

Replies (19) Good night (4351) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website. http://tfl.nu/9e82

Replies (28) Good night (752) Bad night (4586) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(949): View more from California

is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(949): is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute?? http://tfl.nu/snv5

Replies (11) Good night (7628) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(336): View more from North Carolina

he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(336): he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater. http://tfl.nu/8ycg

Replies (3) Good night (3075) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it. http://tfl.nu/3d6t

Replies (14) Good night (4187) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(949): View more from California

i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(949): i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day http://tfl.nu/7rcn

Replies (10) Good night (1071) Bad night (2374) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them. http://tfl.nu/xftj

Replies (6) Good night (3154) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(425): View more from Washington

all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(425): all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help. http://tfl.nu/bkkn

Replies (5) Good night (3320) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(289): View more from Ontario

Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(289): Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working http://tfl.nu/bi46

Replies (3) Good night (783) Bad night (3474) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you http://tfl.nu/7l95

Replies (9) Good night (588) Bad night (3018) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(224): View more from Illinois

someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(224): someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming. http://tfl.nu/chjo

Replies (5) Good night (3092) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried http://tfl.nu/ujpo

Replies (6) Good night (3291) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(228): View more from Mississippi

For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(228): For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears. http://tfl.nu/udc5

Replies (9) Good night (1425) Bad night (2772) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(202): View more from Washington, DC

I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(202): I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out. http://tfl.nu/ga8t

Replies (3) Good night (4506) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES. http://tfl.nu/idd1

Replies (27) Good night (1294) Bad night (3896) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(250): View more from British Columbia

By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(250): By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right. http://tfl.nu/wypb

Replies (12) Good night (3348) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook http://tfl.nu/zrse

Replies (9) Good night (3147) Bad night (1517) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(705): View more from Ontario

i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(705): i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding. http://tfl.nu/t3vj

Replies (6) Good night (5099) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

where's my purse there's an important taco in it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq

Replies (19) Good night (7009) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(414): View more from Wisconsin

There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(414): There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you http://tfl.nu/ku1m

Replies (19) Good night (4385) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur

Replies (15) Good night (4934) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on." http://tfl.nu/t6j5

Replies (2) Good night (4710) Bad night (520)
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him http://tfl.nu/0v7f

Replies (4) Good night (5375) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(202): View more from Washington, DC

the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj

Replies (6) Good night (4716) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked http://tfl.nu/s4j7

Replies (9) Good night (1647) Bad night (2739) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(732): View more from New Jersey

four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(732): four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day. http://tfl.nu/q3s7

Replies (20) Good night (3821) Bad night (1399) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(956): View more from Texas

Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex

Replies (22) Good night (13537) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(973): View more from New Jersey

America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(973): America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am http://tfl.nu/1gc0

Replies (8) Good night (6776) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him. http://tfl.nu/b1lr

Replies (8) Good night (3619) Bad night (1291)
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

(732): View more from New Jersey

like it was yesterday

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org

Replies (20) Good night (10898) Bad night (795)
Favorite
(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(306): Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better? http://tfl.nu/6en9

Replies (3) Good night (2845) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(270): View more from Kentucky

The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(270): The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned. http://tfl.nu/9j2r

Replies (30) Good night (4656) Bad night (2943)
Favorite
(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6

Replies (8) Good night (4664) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(606): View more from Kentucky

I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.

(1-606): View more from Kentucky

Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(606): I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me. (1-606): Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons. http://tfl.nu/drp9

Replies (4) Good night (3660) Bad night (799)
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy? http://tfl.nu/obto

Replies (12) Good night (741) Bad night (4782) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0

Replies (46) Good night (2154) Bad night (12692) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT. http://tfl.nu/yg6n

Replies (32) Good night (4244) Bad night (1578) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(226): View more from Ontario

This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx

Replies (43) Good night (13031) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them... http://tfl.nu/ior4

Replies (23) Good night (4996) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/q2qd

Replies (21) Good night (9046) Bad night (706)
Favorite
(520): View more from Arizona

She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(520): She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist. http://tfl.nu/mma2

Replies (35) Good night (4154) Bad night (985)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy? http://tfl.nu/p3a3

Replies (9) Good night (3721) Bad night (744)
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay http://tfl.nu/st3m

Replies (5) Good night (2703) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(636): View more from Missouri

The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(636): The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.' http://tfl.nu/hueh

Replies (10) Good night (782) Bad night (4076)
Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers http://tfl.nu/7wrv

Replies (4) Good night (2854) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you http://tfl.nu/279j

Replies (13) Good night (3420) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(530): View more from California

There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx

Replies (15) Good night (6005) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with. http://tfl.nu/dbx0

Replies (18) Good night (4543) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral. http://tfl.nu/35ny

Replies (7) Good night (1237) Bad night (3667) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it http://tfl.nu/a65q

Replies (16) Good night (3595) Bad night (725)
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me http://tfl.nu/zcpa

Replies (6) Good night (3766) Bad night (755)
Favorite
(918): View more from Oklahoma

I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(918): I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1tot

Replies (16) Good night (3519) Bad night (883)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week. http://tfl.nu/ckos

Replies (8) Good night (3155) Bad night (787)
Favorite
(604): View more from British Columbia

She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(604): She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows. http://tfl.nu/2hzy

Replies (8) Good night (875) Bad night (3681) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(909): View more from California

She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(909): She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle. http://tfl.nu/v9v9

Replies (4) Good night (3655) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit. http://tfl.nu/ykdx

Replies (45) Good night (5025) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM. http://tfl.nu/5j68

Replies (19) Good night (4583) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+61): View more from Australia

She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1

Replies (49) Good night (10687) Bad night (2185) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?" http://tfl.nu/j8cb

Replies (7) Good night (4234) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

Found your pants in the mailbox

(646): View more from New York

What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

(516): View more from New York

I don't know but there's postage on them

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): Found your pants in the mailbox (646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox? (516): I don't know but there's postage on them http://tfl.nu/6yt8

Replies (36) Good night (5646) Bad night (868)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf

Replies (13) Good night (4818) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner. http://tfl.nu/g7ai

Replies (5) Good night (5756) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me http://tfl.nu/jgjv

Replies (8) Good night (4039) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/w7nv

Replies (18) Good night (4229) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate. http://tfl.nu/wnmg

Replies (11) Good night (718) Bad night (4702) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/8xw4

Replies (23) Good night (1164) Bad night (3964) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(304): View more from West Virginia

She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8

Replies (16) Good night (4500) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(902): Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better http://tfl.nu/2vo6

Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(902): I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park http://tfl.nu/d8es

Replies (6) Good night (2617) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often http://tfl.nu/h6kk

Replies (7) Good night (2793) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(601): View more from Mississippi

Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019

Replies (15) Good night (7351) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five http://tfl.nu/a3rp

Replies (4) Good night (2200) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season. http://tfl.nu/uyun

Replies (17) Good night (5318) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber http://tfl.nu/88lc

Replies (10) Good night (3422) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment. http://tfl.nu/bb74

Replies (8) Good night (4172) Bad night (1134)
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh. http://tfl.nu/s2cz

Replies (39) Good night (4012) Bad night (981)
Favorite
(740): View more from Ohio

she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8

Replies (14) Good night (4416) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(406): View more from Montana

I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(406): I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money" http://tfl.nu/7mg6

Replies (13) Good night (4689) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(239): View more from Florida

all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(239): all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut http://tfl.nu/x9ek

Replies (14) Good night (3421) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(585): View more from New York

just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(585): just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse. http://tfl.nu/g20v

Replies (5) Good night (3650) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit http://tfl.nu/ybzi

Replies (7) Good night (3369) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me. http://tfl.nu/k6i1

Replies (4) Good night (3676) Bad night (709)
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Are you high?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd

Replies (20) Good night (6134) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(616): View more from Michigan

So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(616): So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together. http://tfl.nu/gv0c

Replies (7) Good night (6076) Bad night (1289)
Favorite
(910): View more from North Carolina

You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(910): You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?" http://tfl.nu/kb6v

Replies (12) Good night (5301) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

(404): View more from Georgia

YES.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree (404): YES. http://tfl.nu/chua

Replies (5) Good night (3415) Bad night (566)
Favorite
(302): View more from Delaware

I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(302): I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/y6ds

Replies (12) Good night (4744) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up. http://tfl.nu/3e3n

Replies (12) Good night (3750) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(229): View more from Georgia

You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(229): You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru http://tfl.nu/iwra

Replies (10) Good night (4257) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8

Replies (34) Good night (16415) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw

Replies (9) Good night (837) Bad night (5123) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff http://tfl.nu/0hbk

Replies (2) Good night (2602) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(805): View more from California

you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible http://tfl.nu/6jjf

Replies (11) Good night (727) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper? http://tfl.nu/78fg

Replies (2) Good night (768) Bad night (2218) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius. http://tfl.nu/4mg0

Replies (19) Good night (3797) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma http://tfl.nu/lc92

Replies (24) Good night (8728) Bad night (1131)
Favorite
(252): View more from North Carolina

so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(252): so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream. http://tfl.nu/3wg7

Replies (6) Good night (3795) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(256): View more from Alabama

I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(256): I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means. http://tfl.nu/u00p

Replies (7) Good night (3485) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(417): View more from Missouri

Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(417): Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable http://tfl.nu/hmli

Replies (14) Good night (5089) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+61): View more from Australia

She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+61): She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?! http://tfl.nu/x2ya

Replies (13) Good night (790) Bad night (3817)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone. http://tfl.nu/c91d

Replies (4) Good night (2241) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(205): View more from Alabama

Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(205): Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/h65h

Replies (4) Good night (3193) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/o1ww

Replies (11) Good night (5427) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life. http://tfl.nu/33lt

Replies (8) Good night (2450) Bad night (1399) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

(508): View more from Massachusetts

because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5

Replies (19) Good night (8582) Bad night (901)
Favorite
(740): View more from Ohio

How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?

(1-740): View more from Ohio

2.5

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(740): How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement? (1-740): 2.5 http://tfl.nu/yjjp

Replies (7) Good night (4113) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that? http://tfl.nu/8vi3

Replies (5) Good night (2712) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(718): View more from New York

I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u

Replies (29) Good night (7858) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(818): View more from California

They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(818): They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps... http://tfl.nu/7lmv

Replies (15) Good night (2188) Bad night (3974) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride. http://tfl.nu/0b9w

Replies (6) Good night (3623) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going. http://tfl.nu/mf3d

Replies (8) Good night (3387) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus. http://tfl.nu/oh1b

Replies (4) Good night (3302) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.

(1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

This is why we're friends.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(780): If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator. (1-780): This is why we're friends. http://tfl.nu/yp3s

Replies (7) Good night (4157) Bad night (731)
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad. http://tfl.nu/wyhj

Replies (9) Good night (5498) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go. http://tfl.nu/z9ow

Replies (10) Good night (3294) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(970): View more from Colorado

There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r

Replies (12) Good night (8140) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here... http://tfl.nu/qb9a

Replies (5) Good night (4042) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(661): View more from California

Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h

Replies (21) Good night (5171) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(804): View more from Virginia

My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(804): My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am. http://tfl.nu/wlcl

Replies (5) Good night (2509) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list http://tfl.nu/yikq

Replies (23) Good night (4710) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(920): View more from Wisconsin

Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(920): Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around... http://tfl.nu/q37r

Replies (4) Good night (2817) Bad night (1837) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain http://tfl.nu/an1d

Replies (3) Good night (3536) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx

Replies (14) Good night (5333) Bad night (736)
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd

Replies (8) Good night (4914) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love. http://tfl.nu/koii

Replies (22) Good night (5918) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8

Replies (484) Good night (128178) Bad night (5060)
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0

Replies (1608) Good night (161229) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl

Replies (468) Good night (165223) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(434): View more from Virginia

I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(434): I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever. http://tfl.nu/fuow

Replies (14) Good night (5338) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(218): View more from Minnesota

I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(218): I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face http://tfl.nu/wyrl

Replies (6) Good night (4758) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind. http://tfl.nu/3qxe

Replies (6) Good night (1129) Bad night (2235) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins http://tfl.nu/qdth

Replies (6) Good night (4441) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(818): View more from California

i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

(805): View more from California

i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc

Replies (22) Good night (6237) Bad night (1311)
Favorite
(252): View more from North Carolina

Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(252): Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/r53x

Replies (5) Good night (3380) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(740): View more from Ohio

Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(740): Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party. http://tfl.nu/kjr7

Replies (6) Good night (3301) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.

(518): View more from New York

I am in love with you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think. (518): I am in love with you. http://tfl.nu/yy5e

Replies (5) Good night (4839) Bad night (651)
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful http://tfl.nu/0wk6

Replies (8) Good night (1205) Bad night (3632) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0

Replies (15) Good night (12369) Bad night (729)
Favorite
(903): View more from Texas

I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(903): I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink. http://tfl.nu/zmqp

Replies (13) Good night (4383) Bad night (560)
Favorite
(646): View more from New York

So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(646): So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex. http://tfl.nu/jc5g

Replies (8) Good night (5545) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n

Replies (25) Good night (1393) Bad night (4912) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(818): View more from California

You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(818): You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf. http://tfl.nu/hkre

Replies (62) Good night (1336) Bad night (5862) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(318): View more from Louisiana

i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..

(1-318): View more from Louisiana

what?how do you know?

(318): View more from Louisiana

it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(318): i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday.. (1-318): what?how do you know? (318): it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet. http://tfl.nu/gg1h

Replies (10) Good night (1032) Bad night (4381)
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

His apartment number was 69. I had to.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): His apartment number was 69. I had to. http://tfl.nu/cn9s

Replies (22) Good night (7734) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(619): View more from California

I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me. http://tfl.nu/zz8y

Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (2363) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(614): View more from Ohio

so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

(740): View more from Ohio

i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2

Replies (81) Good night (31289) Bad night (994)
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads http://tfl.nu/gove

Replies (40) Good night (11288) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(419): View more from Ohio

The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(419): The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. . http://tfl.nu/zh9v

Replies (24) Good night (7202) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(229): View more from Georgia

Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(229): Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night. http://tfl.nu/4bxb

Replies (10) Good night (4478) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(217): View more from Illinois

You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(217): You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information. http://tfl.nu/61w8

Replies (6) Good night (4341) Bad night (598)
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family

(812): View more from Indiana

Not even marginally surprised

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family (812): Not even marginally surprised http://tfl.nu/oyoq

Replies (7) Good night (3052) Bad night (1719)
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4

Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (7044) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(202): View more from Washington, DC

he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(202): he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love http://tfl.nu/m0fg

Replies (15) Good night (5121) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(309): View more from Illinois

I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath

Replies (10) Good night (10510) Bad night (619)
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us? http://tfl.nu/e7z7

Replies (12) Good night (4802) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni. http://tfl.nu/1ccz

Replies (3) Good night (3330) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something http://tfl.nu/o4s2

Replies (7) Good night (3616) Bad night (904)
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is http://tfl.nu/i6zj

Replies (13) Good night (2545) Bad night (1403) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/nvzw

Replies (19) Good night (5907) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(218): View more from Minnesota

Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

(1-218): View more from Minnesota

Both?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r

Replies (21) Good night (8785) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

how could i say no?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka? (1-513): how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/1o9r

Replies (28) Good night (6032) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(613): View more from Ontario

I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(613): I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games http://tfl.nu/74pd

Replies (18) Good night (3926) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g

Replies (39) Good night (4981) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!

(218): View more from Minnesota

I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(715): Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy! (218): I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head. http://tfl.nu/0svk

Replies (29) Good night (4534) Bad night (1562)
Favorite
(949): View more from California

Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b

Replies (32) Good night (13656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(478): View more from Georgia

There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(478): There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect. http://tfl.nu/c9bw

Replies (36) Good night (1136) Bad night (5441) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): i did the responsible thing and pissed myself... http://tfl.nu/5qb4

Replies (6) Good night (886) Bad night (2691) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(860): View more from Connecticut

I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(860): I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think. http://tfl.nu/zuxj

Replies (8) Good night (2763) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast. http://tfl.nu/ngbn

Replies (10) Good night (4543) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(305): View more from Florida

I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq

Replies (16) Good night (11133) Bad night (585)
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks... http://tfl.nu/ccgl

Replies (6) Good night (5932) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college. http://tfl.nu/nve2

Replies (13) Good night (5586) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(207): View more from Maine

we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl

Replies (9) Good night (5827) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him http://tfl.nu/busx

Replies (14) Good night (5539) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(865): View more from Tennessee

She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf

Replies (23) Good night (7828) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(250): View more from British Columbia

she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(250): she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza http://tfl.nu/2a0o

Replies (13) Good night (4519) Bad night (1837) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(602): View more from Arizona

Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(602): Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now? http://tfl.nu/lkox

Replies (9) Good night (5158) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(912): View more from Georgia

Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(912): Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up. http://tfl.nu/ccc0

Replies (4) Good night (3962) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...

(316): View more from Kansas

Just the budget?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget... (316): Just the budget? http://tfl.nu/v45e

Replies (3) Good night (4148) Bad night (692)
Favorite
(949): View more from California

you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(949): you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application. http://tfl.nu/ha6k

Replies (7) Good night (3409) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(417): View more from Missouri

You totally left a blue butt print on our banister

(573): View more from Missouri

Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(417): You totally left a blue butt print on our banister (573): Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time. http://tfl.nu/r57f

Replies (12) Good night (3065) Bad night (703)
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi

Replies (42) Good night (14182) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab... http://tfl.nu/at31

Replies (14) Good night (927) Bad night (2941) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(740): View more from Ohio

I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(740): I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign? http://tfl.nu/ahav

Replies (8) Good night (3477) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(312): View more from Illinois

This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz

Replies (28) Good night (4676) Bad night (1897) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(509): View more from Washington

They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(509): They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried. http://tfl.nu/h9l8

Replies (17) Good night (1792) Bad night (3993) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over http://tfl.nu/fq6e

Replies (6) Good night (797) Bad night (3149) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(435): View more from Utah

this will be a night to untag.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw

Replies (6) Good night (7404) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(250): View more from British Columbia

He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura

Replies (15) Good night (5218) Bad night (967)
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled http://tfl.nu/gplx

Replies (20) Good night (774) Bad night (4045) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(312): View more from Illinois

I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(312): I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista http://tfl.nu/d26q

Replies (27) Good night (4177) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(902): Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines. http://tfl.nu/9k5b

Replies (12) Good night (4440) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(920): View more from Wisconsin

its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(920): its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice http://tfl.nu/sbu6

Replies (16) Good night (4415) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/t7d5

Replies (19) Good night (1308) Bad night (5226) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head http://tfl.nu/hdz6

Replies (23) Good night (7398) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(619): View more from California

Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8

Replies (14) Good night (5750) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(636): View more from Missouri

The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(636): The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen. http://tfl.nu/0t44

Replies (8) Good night (2701) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(641): View more from Iowa

Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(641): Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in. http://tfl.nu/co4b

Replies (16) Good night (3897) Bad night (805)
Favorite
(347): View more from New York

just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(347): just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner http://tfl.nu/v9ac

Replies (9) Good night (5802) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(254): View more from Texas

His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(254): His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!! http://tfl.nu/05kd

Replies (15) Good night (4500) Bad night (1394) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(813): View more from Florida

Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(813): Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am http://tfl.nu/2v1p

Replies (4) Good night (790) Bad night (2291) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys

Replies (27) Good night (6469) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break http://tfl.nu/u8kr

Replies (38) Good night (8708) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+41): View more from Switzerland

I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un

Replies (16) Good night (802) Bad night (4808) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6

Replies (13) Good night (7835) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it. http://tfl.nu/klgn

Replies (8) Good night (5862) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever. http://tfl.nu/sgnv

Replies (9) Good night (4477) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it http://tfl.nu/dcde

Replies (5) Good night (2732) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(605): View more from South Dakota

dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(605): dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce. http://tfl.nu/vye8

Replies (20) Good night (4081) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(210): View more from Texas

yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4

Replies (10) Good night (4926) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT. http://tfl.nu/u1ny

Replies (26) Good night (5175) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(781): View more from Massachusetts

picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(781): picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already. http://tfl.nu/ugv0

Replies (7) Good night (3544) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(858): View more from California

Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b

Replies (10) Good night (3163) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(405): View more from Oklahoma

You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(405): You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow. http://tfl.nu/0l2h

Replies (6) Good night (3468) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(415): View more from California

I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(415): I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground http://tfl.nu/kjbx

Replies (7) Good night (2928) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city http://tfl.nu/5mtu

Replies (32) Good night (5790) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(419): View more from Ohio

I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(419): I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game http://tfl.nu/8vak

Replies (5) Good night (3323) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting. http://tfl.nu/6icw

Replies (15) Good night (5511) Bad night (689)
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy

Replies (39) Good night (5643) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie

Replies (16) Good night (5314) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have? http://tfl.nu/qwp7

Replies (18) Good night (886) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order http://tfl.nu/64q0

Replies (11) Good night (1013) Bad night (3769)
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv

Replies (13) Good night (6034) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again http://tfl.nu/s0mc

Replies (9) Good night (3705) Bad night (647)
Favorite
(319): View more from Iowa

We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk

Replies (9) Good night (5520) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(256): View more from Alabama

Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(256): Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower. http://tfl.nu/xm1k

Replies (16) Good night (1607) Bad night (3443) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored. http://tfl.nu/z508

Replies (5) Good night (2608) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(715): View more from Wisconsin

You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(715): You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts" http://tfl.nu/ong1

Replies (12) Good night (1589) Bad night (4818) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(210): View more from Texas

Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(210): Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened. http://tfl.nu/7jhi

Replies (14) Good night (3034) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce http://tfl.nu/x8zt

Replies (11) Good night (3371) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/vakp

Replies (12) Good night (4342) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(334): View more from Alabama

He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl

Replies (57) Good night (15409) Bad night (3105)
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

I'm in awe of how selfish that is.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking. (1-519): I'm in awe of how selfish that is. http://tfl.nu/dlh3

Replies (10) Good night (3304) Bad night (1259) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo

Replies (14) Good night (1448) Bad night (5394)
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944

Replies (23) Good night (5192) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/bxqj

Replies (9) Good night (4555) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7. http://tfl.nu/xclk

Replies (7) Good night (2955) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me http://tfl.nu/d25d

Replies (8) Good night (3105) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp

Replies (27) Good night (9245) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me. http://tfl.nu/6xwb

Replies (17) Good night (3686) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(510): View more from California

Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe

Replies (33) Good night (1446) Bad night (9425) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(302): View more from Delaware

Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(302): Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes. http://tfl.nu/niyo

Replies (4) Good night (3664) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(336): View more from North Carolina

This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(336): This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/cqt6

Replies (12) Good night (3884) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(805): View more from California

my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad. http://tfl.nu/gbnx

Replies (16) Good night (6518) Bad night (599)
Favorite
(706): View more from Georgia

This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(706): This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules. http://tfl.nu/2gj5

Replies (15) Good night (5995) Bad night (637)
Favorite
(209): View more from California

is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(209): is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety. http://tfl.nu/58yh

Replies (4) Good night (4015) Bad night (826)
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster. http://tfl.nu/974x

Replies (14) Good night (7396) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(843): View more from South Carolina

Dude you has no fucking this poptart

(719): View more from Colorado

What?

(843): View more from South Carolina

I dont know to explain this.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(843): Dude you has no fucking this poptart (719): What? (843): I dont know to explain this. http://tfl.nu/kk1s

Replies (35) Good night (6171) Bad night (1013)
Favorite
(+31): View more from The Netherlands

Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+31): Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing http://tfl.nu/rk5x

Replies (7) Good night (3975) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): We're sending your burrito through the mail slot. http://tfl.nu/pddr

Replies (4) Good night (3586) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

New game: find the sober person in Tbell

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): New game: find the sober person in Tbell http://tfl.nu/sv6g

Replies (8) Good night (4341) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(901): View more from Tennessee

i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(901): i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life http://tfl.nu/drtj

Replies (6) Good night (5919) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(517): View more from Michigan

The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9

Replies (16) Good night (6752) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(916): View more from California

Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(916): Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown. http://tfl.nu/0cdq

Replies (5) Good night (3188) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(561): View more from Florida

oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(561): oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything http://tfl.nu/egks

Replies (10) Good night (3312) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all. http://tfl.nu/ms6m

Replies (3) Good night (4231) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(505): View more from New Mexico

he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(505): he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment. http://tfl.nu/v3fi

Replies (10) Good night (4139) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(778): View more from British Columbia

You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(778): You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it http://tfl.nu/gf74

Replies (7) Good night (3861) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face. http://tfl.nu/e2jp

Replies (16) Good night (4735) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(479): View more from Arkansas

I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(479): I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club... (1-479): I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma http://tfl.nu/vhqd

Replies (23) Good night (732) Bad night (3222) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/6zni

Replies (28) Good night (1550) Bad night (5065) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(562): View more from California

you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(562): you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/7o6u

Replies (8) Good night (5133) Bad night (580)
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t

Replies (19) Good night (5331) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT?? http://tfl.nu/2vmn

Replies (13) Good night (5496) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

i have one question about last night

(646): View more from New York

if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): i have one question about last night (646): if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain http://tfl.nu/69sr

Replies (4) Good night (4044) Bad night (605)
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot

(313): View more from Michigan

He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot (313): He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all http://tfl.nu/6st3

Replies (23) Good night (7284) Bad night (543)
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

youre welcome

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha

Replies (10) Good night (5353) Bad night (696)
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building. http://tfl.nu/5zu2

Replies (18) Good night (3822) Bad night (814)
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

then she stuck her tongue in my ass

(1-515): View more from Iowa

I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5

Replies (17) Good night (3435) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(555): View more from

My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(555): My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique http://tfl.nu/mm4o

Replies (17) Good night (4185) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(716): View more from New York

I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(716): I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/lk8z

Replies (25) Good night (5648) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(973): View more from New Jersey

just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(973): just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/md62

Replies (16) Good night (4288) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(781): View more from Massachusetts

So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i

Replies (67) Good night (2327) Bad night (8611) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song. http://tfl.nu/huqy

Replies (10) Good night (4385) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(763): View more from Minnesota

Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy

Replies (43) Good night (2211) Bad night (6076) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(425): View more from Washington

Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(425): Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight. http://tfl.nu/mywq

Replies (14) Good night (5254) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning. http://tfl.nu/70c1

Replies (14) Good night (4819) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/3z60

Replies (20) Good night (1367) Bad night (3656) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen. http://tfl.nu/umfy

Replies (11) Good night (4817) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(517): View more from Michigan

He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad

Replies (19) Good night (5173) Bad night (725)
Favorite
(218): View more from Minnesota

he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(218): he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this http://tfl.nu/jsty

Replies (16) Good night (4677) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j

Replies (20) Good night (8358) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(705): View more from Ontario

She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

(905): View more from Ontario

I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea

Replies (8) Good night (4433) Bad night (916)
Favorite
(320): View more from Minnesota

I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg

Replies (21) Good night (6572) Bad night (1276)
Favorite
(312): View more from Illinois

If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(312): If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab. http://tfl.nu/3osp

Replies (7) Good night (3631) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3

Replies (12) Good night (6544) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire http://tfl.nu/j9c5

Replies (3) Good night (2957) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(585): View more from New York

when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0

Replies (12) Good night (8646) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0

Replies (9) Good night (5021) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going. http://tfl.nu/db5s

Replies (20) Good night (4395) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks. http://tfl.nu/s7xn

Replies (5) Good night (2721) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(732): View more from New Jersey

You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5

Replies (18) Good night (6113) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(719): View more from Colorado

We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(719): We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting http://tfl.nu/vcgc

Replies (6) Good night (4506) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester http://tfl.nu/u653

Replies (10) Good night (9016) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing http://tfl.nu/3kjo

Replies (18) Good night (3596) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks? http://tfl.nu/fbfw

Replies (8) Good night (1004) Bad night (2554) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(213): View more from California

Her brother is deaf.

(214): View more from Texas

no wonder she was so good with her hands

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(213): Her brother is deaf. (214): no wonder she was so good with her hands http://tfl.nu/zbzq

Replies (6) Good night (5165) Bad night (685)
Favorite
(620): View more from Kansas

throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79

Replies (17) Good night (5433) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(905): View more from Ontario

She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(905): She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up http://tfl.nu/duhi

Replies (24) Good night (3831) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

did u get his digits?

(201): View more from New Jersey

yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): did u get his digits? (201): yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone... http://tfl.nu/pvtx

Replies (8) Good night (4685) Bad night (666)
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it. http://tfl.nu/6k4w

Replies (18) Good night (4599) Bad night (980)
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great http://tfl.nu/5yg0

Replies (8) Good night (1098) Bad night (3147) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/k1ij

Replies (7) Good night (3409) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

(540): View more from Virginia

You guys make me sad

(703): View more from Virginia

You misspelled jealous there

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst

Replies (23) Good night (10978) Bad night (952)
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her. http://tfl.nu/1rnx

Replies (10) Good night (5689) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend. http://tfl.nu/4wvr

Replies (9) Good night (3645) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense http://tfl.nu/p2yr

Replies (26) Good night (7973) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE http://tfl.nu/0vv1

Replies (71) Good night (5257) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(778): View more from British Columbia

I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(778): I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college http://tfl.nu/2nnj

Replies (12) Good night (4210) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside. http://tfl.nu/zfn8

Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (2410) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(563): View more from Iowa

If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(563): If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from? http://tfl.nu/xs7j

Replies (7) Good night (1155) Bad night (2500) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55

Replies (11) Good night (4261) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): For future references, orgasms clear sinuses. http://tfl.nu/b2l7

Replies (24) Good night (7104) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(631): View more from New York

He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc

Replies (30) Good night (11300) Bad night (896)
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8

Replies (15) Good night (1327) Bad night (6050) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7 http://tfl.nu/xypt

Replies (13) Good night (5954) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

(816): View more from Missouri

...... wtf.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx

Replies (23) Good night (6862) Bad night (804)
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college? http://tfl.nu/er5p

Replies (19) Good night (3809) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73

Replies (13) Good night (7479) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation. http://tfl.nu/lz4o

Replies (17) Good night (3798) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you http://tfl.nu/uhqk

Replies (16) Good night (4196) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard. http://tfl.nu/diwn

Replies (15) Good night (4194) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity http://tfl.nu/heka

Replies (12) Good night (1002) Bad night (3521) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months. http://tfl.nu/isje

Replies (9) Good night (3462) Bad night (1152)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation. http://tfl.nu/5n6h

Replies (3) Good night (2259) Bad night (1380) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/3k3l

Replies (8) Good night (628) Bad night (3376) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right? http://tfl.nu/7voc

Replies (30) Good night (3571) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(818): View more from California

i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(818): i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign http://tfl.nu/0lhe

Replies (7) Good night (745) Bad night (3927) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic" http://tfl.nu/1wpy

Replies (29) Good night (2174) Bad night (2789) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(318): View more from Louisiana

I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(318): I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now http://tfl.nu/xdsb

Replies (15) Good night (5201) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(620): View more from Kansas

Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(620): Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night? http://tfl.nu/n9fn

Replies (35) Good night (1213) Bad night (6352) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m

Replies (20) Good night (11346) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(217): View more from Illinois

I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(217): I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list. http://tfl.nu/jt04

Replies (6) Good night (3569) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die. http://tfl.nu/rrxi

Replies (13) Good night (5558) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(418): View more from Quebec

You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(418): You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry" http://tfl.nu/nwle

Replies (11) Good night (6412) Bad night (693)
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home? http://tfl.nu/2ss6

Replies (29) Good night (5227) Bad night (1941) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now. http://tfl.nu/5jdl

Replies (13) Good night (5488) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around. (1-570): It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am. http://tfl.nu/ckp3

Replies (8) Good night (4512) Bad night (759)
Favorite
(646): View more from New York

its my first week of college and i have a UTI

(718): View more from New York

not easy being a whore now is it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(646): its my first week of college and i have a UTI (718): not easy being a whore now is it http://tfl.nu/tyxw

Replies (23) Good night (1145) Bad night (4263)
Favorite
(812): View more from Indiana

You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6

Replies (10) Good night (5560) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(870): View more from Arkansas

He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(870): He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed." http://tfl.nu/z9xx

Replies (11) Good night (6584) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(302): View more from Delaware

he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(302): he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex. http://tfl.nu/7jw4

Replies (6) Good night (3611) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we http://tfl.nu/wm4n

Replies (11) Good night (3557) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(309): View more from Illinois

ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(309): ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet. http://tfl.nu/oxv5

Replies (11) Good night (5447) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig

Replies (11) Good night (9395) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih

Replies (17) Good night (7206) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(352): View more from Florida

Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(352): Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person. http://tfl.nu/l0db

Replies (10) Good night (888) Bad night (3327) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night http://tfl.nu/eoys

Replies (16) Good night (1292) Bad night (3724) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(301): View more from Maryland

Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(301): Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich? http://tfl.nu/66qn

Replies (25) Good night (5095) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q

Replies (41) Good night (11149) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me http://tfl.nu/k37i

Replies (8) Good night (3274) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like? http://tfl.nu/ctij

Replies (17) Good night (4342) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing" http://tfl.nu/9hoo

Replies (10) Good night (5021) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang. http://tfl.nu/ryqf

Replies (8) Good night (3089) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit. http://tfl.nu/afy7

Replies (14) Good night (6602) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive. http://tfl.nu/785o

Replies (8) Good night (4259) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night... http://tfl.nu/p0ds

Replies (25) Good night (2156) Bad night (4194) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(251): View more from Alabama

I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(251): I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost http://tfl.nu/fd0l

Replies (5) Good night (3434) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(207): View more from Maine

My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(207): My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense http://tfl.nu/p3xl

Replies (11) Good night (5946) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes http://tfl.nu/11ee

Replies (13) Good night (1782) Bad night (2695) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way. http://tfl.nu/5f04

Replies (8) Good night (4583) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(307): View more from Wyoming

first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(307): first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester. http://tfl.nu/skng

Replies (13) Good night (5679) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?

(224): View more from Illinois

story of my life.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were? (224): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/syxz

Replies (15) Good night (2312) Bad night (3830)
Favorite
(859): View more from Kentucky

you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(859): you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do http://tfl.nu/7olq

Replies (5) Good night (4929) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately. http://tfl.nu/vwdv

Replies (9) Good night (5278) Bad night (762)
Favorite
(304): View more from West Virginia

Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(304): Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way. http://tfl.nu/jfrt

Replies (36) Good night (6899) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(225): View more from Louisiana

She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(225): She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us http://tfl.nu/zfzd

Replies (28) Good night (4985) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(586): View more from Michigan

so how was last night?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa

Replies (21) Good night (9811) Bad night (727)
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless. http://tfl.nu/9j3y

Replies (83) Good night (9407) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(862): View more from New Jersey

found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz

Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe

Replies (59) Good night (9758) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(907): View more from Alaska

Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

(1-907): View more from Alaska

Sarah Palin

(907): View more from Alaska

god, I love you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4

Replies (100) Good night (10003) Bad night (900)
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple http://tfl.nu/4e1c

Replies (19) Good night (9529) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(860): View more from Connecticut

letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk

Replies (18) Good night (9962) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper. http://tfl.nu/3leu

Replies (16) Good night (9414) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(660): View more from Missouri

THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

(816): View more from Missouri

..So we should take it off Youtube?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os

Replies (28) Good night (10458) Bad night (1290)
Favorite
(910): View more from North Carolina

it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr

Replies (24) Good night (10056) Bad night (441)
Favorite
(937): View more from Ohio

after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw

Replies (45) Good night (10000) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(212): View more from New York

You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

(475): View more from Connecticut

Yeah?

(212): View more from New York

Stuck it in his pooper.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911

Replies (209) Good night (10083) Bad night (4223)
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer. http://tfl.nu/2zy4

Replies (59) Good night (9850) Bad night (932)
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before. http://tfl.nu/0fke

Replies (20) Good night (9875) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

(404): View more from Georgia

you should get a family discount.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35

Replies (33) Good night (10268) Bad night (1048)
Favorite
(225): View more from Louisiana

I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room

(1-225): View more from Louisiana

haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room (1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom? http://tfl.nu/q6me

Replies (55) Good night (9948) Bad night (714)
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors. http://tfl.nu/tdd7

Replies (44) Good night (9883) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

fucking a dude

(703): View more from Virginia

i mean: fucking a, dude

(703): View more from Virginia

wow, that comma made all the difference there

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f

Replies (92) Good night (10616) Bad night (657)
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever. http://tfl.nu/56mg

Replies (38) Good night (9788) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(971): View more from Oregon

So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x

Replies (12) Good night (10074) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3

Replies (33) Good night (9955) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line http://tfl.nu/rmxl

Replies (51) Good night (9946) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch. http://tfl.nu/4x1m

Replies (73) Good night (10159) Bad night (2134) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

(914): View more from New York

you mean faeutihaers?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba

Replies (34) Good night (10150) Bad night (901)
Favorite
(920): View more from Wisconsin

He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw

Replies (38) Good night (10463) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(901): View more from Tennessee

i think i left my bra at your place

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a

Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

(1-360): View more from Washington

I absolutely love you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p

Replies (39) Good night (10150) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(504): View more from Louisiana

She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0

Replies (48) Good night (9968) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx

Replies (23) Good night (10684) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful. http://tfl.nu/ngce

Replies (10) Good night (9746) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(520): View more from Arizona

just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(520): just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon?? http://tfl.nu/c1fp

Replies (33) Good night (10209) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum

Replies (36) Good night (10162) Bad night (552)
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

(713): View more from Texas

lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs

Replies (21) Good night (10337) Bad night (854)
Favorite
(217): View more from Illinois

Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Don't worry about it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn

Replies (25) Good night (10159) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

(573): View more from Missouri

pat the guy you slept with

(314): View more from Missouri

still need a last name

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s

Replies (53) Good night (10135) Bad night (1444)
Favorite
(804): View more from Virginia

Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

(571): View more from Virginia

was that a mass text??

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791

Replies (60) Good night (10419) Bad night (1951)
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f

Replies (24) Good night (10573) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases http://tfl.nu/ns4i

Replies (53) Good night (9837) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4

Replies (64) Good night (10495) Bad night (1563) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(205): View more from Alabama

woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

(1-205): View more from Alabama

yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7

Replies (61) Good night (10108) Bad night (503)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs

Replies (39) Good night (10643) Bad night (1448)
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

(810): View more from Michigan

You're 20.

(734): View more from Michigan

IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt

Replies (148) Good night (10879) Bad night (1813)
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion. http://tfl.nu/ntse

Replies (28) Good night (10486) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(530): View more from California

the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo http://tfl.nu/dqpo

Replies (25) Good night (10116) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8

Replies (37) Good night (10183) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(760): View more from California

He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v

Replies (26) Good night (10265) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65

Replies (45) Good night (10486) Bad night (2281)
Favorite
(216): View more from Ohio

ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1. http://tfl.nu/a49b

Replies (59) Good night (10580) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

(1-954): View more from Florida

Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c

Replies (72) Good night (10284) Bad night (956)
Favorite
(928): View more from Arizona

I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c

Replies (36) Good night (10331) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself. http://tfl.nu/6r98

Replies (27) Good night (10690) Bad night (1107)
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9

Replies (32) Good night (10505) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

(1-310): View more from California

you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6

Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great http://tfl.nu/tjsf

Replies (37) Good night (10596) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

(607): View more from New York

what a beautiful fairy tale

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale http://tfl.nu/50v3

Replies (33) Good night (10303) Bad night (519)
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese. http://tfl.nu/65in

Replies (29) Good night (10274) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za

Replies (62) Good night (10246) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy

Replies (28) Good night (10408) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(807): View more from Ontario

yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8

Replies (39) Good night (10461) Bad night (965)
Favorite
(662): View more from Mississippi

I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd

Replies (40) Good night (10760) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

(1-540): View more from Virginia

What did u do?

(540): View more from Virginia

turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a

Replies (50) Good night (10674) Bad night (672)
Favorite
(217): View more from Illinois

you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(217): you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot http://tfl.nu/time

Replies (21) Good night (10483) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(936): View more from Texas

My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(936): My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today. http://tfl.nu/sil6

Replies (10) Good night (10364) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(347): View more from New York

I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

(347): View more from New York

I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su

Replies (41) Good night (10622) Bad night (1852)
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq

Replies (52) Good night (10883) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(256): View more from Alabama

we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5

Replies (34) Good night (10271) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(937): View more from Ohio

[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7

Replies (29) Good night (10880) Bad night (2109) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

Because ur a stupid bitch

(1-845): View more from New York

Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk

Replies (54) Good night (10787) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/svs8

Replies (20) Good night (10643) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8

Replies (29) Good night (10658) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(250): View more from British Columbia

Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9

Replies (25) Good night (11167) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(661): View more from California

His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0

Replies (32) Good night (10761) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l

Replies (21) Good night (10905) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld

Replies (33) Good night (10913) Bad night (2706) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+49): View more from Germany

Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya

Replies (26) Good night (10802) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs http://tfl.nu/0f09

Replies (20) Good night (10861) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1

Replies (23) Good night (10962) Bad night (616)
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

(678): View more from Georgia

So... What happend then?

(404): View more from Georgia

We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62

Replies (49) Good night (10749) Bad night (2189)
Favorite
(305): View more from Florida

Party in the USA is so catchy!

(863): View more from Florida

Yea, so is AIDS.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(305): Party in the USA is so catchy! (863): Yea, so is AIDS. http://tfl.nu/nzzd

Replies (86) Good night (10939) Bad night (1616)
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2

Replies (89) Good night (11426) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(571): View more from Virginia

I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw

Replies (73) Good night (10571) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09

Replies (23) Good night (11002) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot http://tfl.nu/rl8p

Replies (87) Good night (10594) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(505): View more from New Mexico

He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy

Replies (40) Good night (10638) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you... http://tfl.nu/2hf7

Replies (59) Good night (10923) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(585): View more from New York

please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1

Replies (68) Good night (11372) Bad night (2498)
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey. http://tfl.nu/ja6h

Replies (46) Good night (10701) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(732): View more from New Jersey

There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn

Replies (20) Good night (10890) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it http://tfl.nu/18g9

Replies (23) Good night (10621) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv' http://tfl.nu/bicf

Replies (49) Good night (10587) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb

Replies (29) Good night (10895) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

How did you steal an entire pie?

(602): View more from Arizona

I don't know. It's in my purse.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp

Replies (22) Good night (10846) Bad night (732)
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0

Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
Favorite
(614): View more from Ohio

yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

and what did he say?

(614): View more from Ohio

there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47

Replies (50) Good night (12060) Bad night (762)
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?

(301): View more from Maryland

yes! wait why?

(240): View more from Maryland

because i found it in my pocket this morning...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): were you wearing a green and blue thong last night? (301): yes! wait why? (240): because i found it in my pocket this morning... http://tfl.nu/rs9c

Replies (39) Good night (10904) Bad night (533)
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk. http://tfl.nu/j1no

Replies (25) Good night (11246) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(631): View more from New York

woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?

(516): View more from New York

you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(631): woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain? (516): you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food." http://tfl.nu/33sl

Replies (67) Good night (11019) Bad night (1006)
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

are you high?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1

Replies (36) Good night (11700) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(631): View more from New York

i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/93ik

Replies (94) Good night (10653) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

didn't stop?

(773): View more from Illinois

naw, they were rude, not me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family. (1-773): didn't stop? (773): naw, they were rude, not me. http://tfl.nu/wggq

Replies (32) Good night (11095) Bad night (522)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

(1-703): View more from Virginia

I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj

Replies (55) Good night (11277) Bad night (682)
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq

Replies (20) Good night (11021) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(530): View more from California

I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

(1-530): View more from California

fuck. you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv

Replies (54) Good night (11430) Bad night (1401)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

This is sufficient.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m

Replies (72) Good night (11557) Bad night (566)
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

(905): View more from Ontario

You're fat. Stop making excuses

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk

Replies (69) Good night (12290) Bad night (4896)
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8

Replies (25) Good night (11427) Bad night (1057)
Favorite
(336): View more from North Carolina

do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

(828): View more from North Carolina

how high are you?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76

Replies (59) Good night (11569) Bad night (1258)
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk

Replies (44) Good night (14016) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

(770): View more from Georgia

she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

(404): View more from Georgia

You KNEW her power was out...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc

Replies (39) Good night (11264) Bad night (713)
Favorite
(843): View more from South Carolina

when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s

Replies (33) Good night (11608) Bad night (939)
Favorite
(812): View more from Indiana

Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(812): Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless http://tfl.nu/jzwl

Replies (105) Good night (11186) Bad night (1054)
Favorite
(843): View more from South Carolina

Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx

Replies (29) Good night (11769) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz

Replies (47) Good night (11466) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8

Replies (32) Good night (16566) Bad night (924)
Favorite
(251): View more from Alabama

you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u

Replies (57) Good night (11552) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl. http://tfl.nu/b8qp

Replies (35) Good night (11274) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo

Replies (30) Good night (11485) Bad night (490)
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked http://tfl.nu/nh0r

Replies (67) Good night (11630) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(913): View more from Kansas

just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9

Replies (45) Good night (11374) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(204): View more from Manitoba

some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti

Replies (38) Good night (11524) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+31): View more from The Netherlands

No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+31): No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/gz4d

Replies (23) Good night (11110) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(616): View more from Michigan

You are an asshole

(574): View more from Indiana

haha sleeping beauty awakes.

(616): View more from Michigan

Where did you find this costume?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai

Replies (31) Good night (11793) Bad night (570)
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet. http://tfl.nu/2pvo

Replies (90) Good night (11175) Bad night (472)
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

i can't find my house

(1-845): View more from New York

we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

(845): View more from New York

i'm pretty sure my house moved.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng

Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo

Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

(347): View more from New York

I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0

Replies (27) Good night (12739) Bad night (1707)
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

Why am I in a dog kennel?

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

It was for your own safety

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni

Replies (27) Good night (12291) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(815): View more from Illinois

Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78

Replies (39) Good night (11795) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(469): View more from Texas

i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo

Replies (34) Good night (12194) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius http://tfl.nu/w3wu

Replies (32) Good night (12012) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i

Replies (78) Good night (11976) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

(420): View more from

your the best winggirl ever

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih

Replies (34) Good night (12385) Bad night (664)
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

True romance of the 21st century.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza

Replies (61) Good night (12458) Bad night (873)
Favorite
(216): View more from Ohio

fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y

Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(864): View more from South Carolina

If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

(828): View more from North Carolina

Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

(864): View more from South Carolina

Previous statement retracted.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe

Replies (46) Good night (12575) Bad night (891)
Favorite
(918): View more from Oklahoma

when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2

Replies (39) Good night (15453) Bad night (983)
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69

Replies (38) Good night (12214) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

(301): View more from Maryland

OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

(518): View more from New York

Doritoesssssss

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p

Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (869)
Favorite
(575): View more from New Mexico

The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe

Replies (17) Good night (12238) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(620): View more from Kansas

My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(620): My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win. http://tfl.nu/w5au

Replies (53) Good night (12144) Bad night (546)
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country. http://tfl.nu/okwk

Replies (84) Good night (12209) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(828): View more from North Carolina

just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9

Replies (26) Good night (11656) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Ask politely.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Thats good enough.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir

Replies (61) Good night (12686) Bad night (831)
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life. http://tfl.nu/71wd

Replies (25) Good night (12287) Bad night (843)
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party http://tfl.nu/47pk

Replies (33) Good night (11954) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(561): View more from Florida

i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae

Replies (17) Good night (12019) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(973): View more from New Jersey

his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq

Replies (59) Good night (12449) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!" http://tfl.nu/62xo

Replies (32) Good night (11753) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

And that worked?

(919): View more from North Carolina

9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso

Replies (68) Good night (12757) Bad night (1134)
Favorite
(304): View more from West Virginia

She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se

Replies (86) Good night (13613) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(334): View more from Alabama

The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(334): The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards. http://tfl.nu/c6zk

Replies (15) Good night (12191) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(270): View more from Kentucky

Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(270): Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend. http://tfl.nu/ihwe

Replies (27) Good night (12642) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d

Replies (56) Good night (12631) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you

(541): View more from Oregon

I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you (541): I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/6ejs

Replies (55) Good night (12878) Bad night (625)
Favorite
(718): View more from New York

what happened last night?

(917): View more from New York City

u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

(718): View more from New York

that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9

Replies (39) Good night (13351) Bad night (670)
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8

Replies (65) Good night (12912) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef

Replies (30) Good night (12893) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(704): View more from North Carolina

she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd

Replies (33) Good night (12540) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER. http://tfl.nu/9rv5

Replies (58) Good night (12260) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(252): View more from North Carolina

Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6

Replies (30) Good night (12844) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk. (610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect. http://tfl.nu/dim5

Replies (43) Good night (13387) Bad night (643)
Favorite
(813): View more from Florida

I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(813): I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this? http://tfl.nu/o9lt

Replies (37) Good night (12806) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(205): View more from Alabama

The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(205): The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country... http://tfl.nu/c11y

Replies (47) Good night (13200) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl

Replies (47) Good night (13184) Bad night (1007)
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf

Replies (32) Good night (12897) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(704): View more from North Carolina

I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(704 ): I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is http://tfl.nu/z1kt

Replies (108) Good night (12690) Bad night (1636) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up.... http://tfl.nu/s81o

Replies (65) Good night (12624) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home http://tfl.nu/gzni

Replies (26) Good night (12809) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

(708): View more from Illinois

We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48

Replies (47) Good night (13232) Bad night (634)
Favorite
(509): View more from Washington

Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5

Replies (30) Good night (13057) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3

Replies (14) Good night (13382) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq

Replies (37) Good night (12893) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(605): View more from South Dakota

We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw

Replies (60) Good night (13238) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(732): View more from New Jersey

we just fucked in the mcds parking lot

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

wasnt he a virgin

(732): View more from New Jersey

yes we got celebratory milkshakes after

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(732): we just fucked in the mcds parking lot (1-732): wasnt he a virgin (732): yes we got celebratory milkshakes after http://tfl.nu/wnnd

Replies (60) Good night (12851) Bad night (843)
Favorite
(858): View more from California

we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(858): we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open. http://tfl.nu/kkl3

Replies (23) Good night (13454) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

(508): View more from Massachusetts

what was i wearing?

(203): View more from Connecticut

nothing

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6

Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
Favorite
(650): View more from California

I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats. http://tfl.nu/rm40

Replies (40) Good night (13495) Bad night (557)
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Houston, we have a problem

(781): View more from Massachusetts

where are u?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6

Replies (43) Good night (14193) Bad night (972)
Favorite
(970): View more from Colorado

Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi

Replies (29) Good night (13952) Bad night (693)
Favorite
(514): View more from Quebec

Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y

Replies (41) Good night (13743) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

(202): View more from Washington, DC

buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr

Replies (34) Good night (14715) Bad night (606)
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl

Replies (30) Good night (13190) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(650): View more from California

Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab

Replies (30) Good night (13260) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

what was she crying about?

(734): View more from Michigan

i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. http://tfl.nu/fomm

Replies (47) Good night (13669) Bad night (1418)
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me. http://tfl.nu/mwnt

Replies (57) Good night (13743) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

(812): View more from Indiana

I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up. (812): I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls? http://tfl.nu/pl92

Replies (25) Good night (13422) Bad night (491)
Favorite
(561): View more from Florida

I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms

Replies (29) Good night (13776) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(269): View more from Michigan

So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

(1-269): View more from Michigan

Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472

Replies (63) Good night (14308) Bad night (500)
Favorite
(931): View more from Tennessee

Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h

Replies (46) Good night (13655) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(843): View more from South Carolina

Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(843): Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17. http://tfl.nu/5ely

Replies (79) Good night (13695) Bad night (678)
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne

Replies (24) Good night (13859) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4

Replies (58) Good night (14054) Bad night (1024)
Favorite
(310): View more from California

and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt

Replies (44) Good night (14652) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight http://tfl.nu/2em9

Replies (20) Good night (13456) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(619): View more from California

you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

(716): View more from New York

do you not see the irony in that??

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi

Replies (72) Good night (15134) Bad night (749)
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8

Replies (44) Good night (14973) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(858): View more from California

I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x

Replies (26) Good night (14156) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy

Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center

(1-917): View more from New York City

you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center (1-917): you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth http://tfl.nu/ukvm

Replies (77) Good night (14673) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.

(480): View more from Arizona

k i'll be over in 5.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds. (1-480): i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice. (480): k i'll be over in 5. http://tfl.nu/rkxl

Replies (101) Good night (14051) Bad night (890)
Favorite
(828): View more from North Carolina

so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(828): so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/xwig

Replies (33) Good night (14219) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(905): View more from Ontario

I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj

Replies (33) Good night (14553) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles. http://tfl.nu/jmsm

Replies (32) Good night (14388) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(707): View more from California

My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4

Replies (52) Good night (15178) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(205): View more from Alabama

Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

(1-205): View more from Alabama

You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

(205): View more from Alabama

This explains so much.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy

Replies (29) Good night (16810) Bad night (607)
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8

Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi

Replies (16) Good night (15043) Bad night (852)
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa

Replies (65) Good night (15740) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(916): View more from California

my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl

Replies (43) Good night (16026) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo

Replies (30) Good night (15017) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy

Replies (40) Good night (15243) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning http://tfl.nu/bect

Replies (32) Good night (14866) Bad night (2048) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(813): View more from Florida

y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(813): y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all. http://tfl.nu/2iln

Replies (125) Good night (14601) Bad night (1001)
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store http://tfl.nu/25ph

Replies (86) Good night (14134) Bad night (2096) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

(917): View more from New York City

Those had pot in them

(917): View more from New York City

And good luck on your interview asshole

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g

Replies (49) Good night (16389) Bad night (1134)
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5

Replies (52) Good night (15298) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm

Replies (26) Good night (15546) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Say it nicely.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned

Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!" http://tfl.nu/vlcz

Replies (46) Good night (15386) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e

Replies (40) Good night (15939) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(910): View more from North Carolina

so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm

Replies (57) Good night (16063) Bad night (762)
Favorite
(940): View more from Texas

She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(940): She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one. http://tfl.nu/4xsk

Replies (35) Good night (14891) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

(720): View more from Colorado

ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

(917): View more from New York City

no it doesn't.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89

Replies (34) Good night (17258) Bad night (873)
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England http://tfl.nu/wgnu

Replies (62) Good night (15914) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

(303): View more from Colorado

and I must say, you were very persuasive

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p

Replies (74) Good night (17137) Bad night (547)
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car http://tfl.nu/l192

Replies (191) Good night (15305) Bad night (1960) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(425): View more from Washington

It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa

Replies (44) Good night (15979) Bad night (801)
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk

Replies (29) Good night (16258) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt

Replies (36) Good night (15443) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people. http://tfl.nu/cghq

Replies (126) Good night (16219) Bad night (1860) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

(504): View more from Louisiana

I'm out of practice. be my yoda

(314): View more from Missouri

put your penis in her you must.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e

Replies (58) Good night (17049) Bad night (602)
Favorite
(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa

Replies (64) Good night (16510) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(260): View more from Indiana

dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

(1-260): View more from Indiana

what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih

Replies (50) Good night (17083) Bad night (848)
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam

Replies (40) Good night (15811) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out

(803): View more from South Carolina

youve hit the jackpot

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out (803): youve hit the jackpot http://tfl.nu/tr3l

Replies (50) Good night (15667) Bad night (511)
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

Banned from zoo.

(301): View more from Maryland

Again?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): Banned from zoo. (301): Again? http://tfl.nu/bv0w

Replies (44) Good night (16370) Bad night (878)
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv

Replies (48) Good night (16987) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(941): View more from Florida

thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x

Replies (17) Good night (16133) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit" http://tfl.nu/bodh

Replies (71) Good night (15798) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69

Replies (61) Good night (16714) Bad night (708)
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc

Replies (81) Good night (15966) Bad night (2337) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(931): View more from Tennessee

Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

(1-931): View more from Tennessee

Wtf? What happened?

(931): View more from Tennessee

Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo

Replies (41) Good night (16671) Bad night (662)
Favorite
(813): View more from Florida

I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo

Replies (35) Good night (18607) Bad night (1143)
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek

Replies (32) Good night (17278) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(706): View more from Georgia

I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy

Replies (82) Good night (16666) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

(301): View more from Maryland

I accept this challenge.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm

Replies (60) Good night (17734) Bad night (1395)
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8

Replies (35) Good night (16396) Bad night (563)
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm

Replies (49) Good night (16747) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(425): View more from Washington

you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

(206): View more from Washington

youre the best friend ever

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc

Replies (45) Good night (19374) Bad night (641)
Favorite
(517): View more from Michigan

New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(517): New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause http://tfl.nu/0zau

Replies (65) Good night (16589) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband http://tfl.nu/pijn

Replies (90) Good night (16740) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(641): View more from Iowa

Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(641): Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout. http://tfl.nu/rilo

Replies (62) Good night (17475) Bad night (1747) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(864): View more from South Carolina

weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa

Replies (51) Good night (16893) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7

Replies (37) Good night (17757) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

(1-801): View more from Utah

There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

(801): View more from Utah

alright see you in the morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes

Replies (47) Good night (17803) Bad night (489)
Favorite
(831): View more from California

just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(831): just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf http://tfl.nu/faeb

Replies (52) Good night (16355) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(423): View more from Tennessee

my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9

Replies (65) Good night (17612) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head. http://tfl.nu/lfdj

Replies (103) Good night (17058) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo

Replies (79) Good night (17265) Bad night (602)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): my mother just offered to pay for my fake id. http://tfl.nu/7t8s

Replies (48) Good night (17105) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(212): View more from New York

ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

(1-212): View more from New York

this is Aaron, hi

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd

Replies (48) Good night (19444) Bad night (1770)
Favorite
(812): View more from Indiana

The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean? http://tfl.nu/84o9

Replies (105) Good night (18160) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(562): View more from California

the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i

Replies (94) Good night (19354) Bad night (1409)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl

Replies (37) Good night (18600) Bad night (520)
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7

Replies (41) Good night (17438) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h

Replies (37) Good night (18322) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h

Replies (61) Good night (19564) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(256): View more from Alabama

Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7

Replies (25) Good night (19368) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

(904): View more from Florida

not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

(850): View more from Florida

i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x

Replies (33) Good night (20217) Bad night (1686)
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale. http://tfl.nu/y4yj

Replies (48) Good night (19759) Bad night (648)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo

Replies (38) Good night (18746) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(540): View more from Virginia

he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt

Replies (34) Good night (19410) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(301): View more from Maryland

i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n

Replies (130) Good night (19413) Bad night (1777) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju

Replies (208) Good night (18875) Bad night (663)
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student http://tfl.nu/4vc9

Replies (38) Good night (17986) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox

Replies (41) Good night (19101) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back http://tfl.nu/kyt1

Replies (180) Good night (20406) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(970): View more from Colorado

I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren

Replies (65) Good night (18932) Bad night (720)
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur

Replies (140) Good night (18930) Bad night (2006) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(339): View more from Massachusetts

i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm

Replies (37) Good night (20230) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc

Replies (43) Good night (20189) Bad night (754)
Favorite
(973): View more from New Jersey

They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(973): They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it. http://tfl.nu/8sm7

Replies (75) Good night (20485) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy

Replies (261) Good night (19724) Bad night (1788) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk

Replies (28) Good night (20167) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(559): View more from California

I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(559): I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day? http://tfl.nu/b9nt

Replies (180) Good night (20246) Bad night (2385) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

(1-817): View more from Texas

You weighed it?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6

Replies (37) Good night (21004) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn

Replies (75) Good night (20721) Bad night (998)
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love http://tfl.nu/tjul

Replies (51) Good night (19053) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw

Replies (28) Good night (20816) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(701): View more from North Dakota

She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk

Replies (63) Good night (20575) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever? http://tfl.nu/67g4

Replies (74) Good night (19928) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv

Replies (47) Good night (20972) Bad night (618)
Favorite
(949): View more from California

just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(949): just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will." http://tfl.nu/pn0l

Replies (35) Good night (20861) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy

Replies (47) Good night (21228) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(705): View more from Ontario

Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence http://tfl.nu/779y

Replies (66) Good night (19513) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(905): View more from Toronto

so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae

Replies (126) Good night (22031) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(406): View more from Montana

my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute http://tfl.nu/00es

Replies (33) Good night (23531) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(916): View more from California

So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l

Replies (112) Good night (23012) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/a6do

Replies (40) Good night (20360) Bad night (789)
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6

Replies (104) Good night (22428) Bad night (555)
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh

Replies (118) Good night (22193) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg

Replies (44) Good night (22617) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(319): View more from Iowa

On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316): View more from Kansas

Toaster

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm

Replies (48) Good night (24103) Bad night (1021)
Favorite
(913): View more from Kansas

hows the party?

(816): View more from Missouri

ists fjcssing insceredle

(913): View more from Kansas

be there in 10

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz

Replies (60) Good night (25206) Bad night (829)
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj

Replies (51) Good night (24301) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(704): View more from North Carolina

One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq

Replies (90) Good night (23644) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp

Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3943)
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8

Replies (62) Good night (26357) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(219): View more from Indiana

Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9

Replies (68) Good night (26199) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3

Replies (47) Good night (27354) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51

Replies (96) Good night (26069) Bad night (1426)
Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry

Replies (64) Good night (24094) Bad night (2348) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w

Replies (48) Good night (27268) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75

Replies (36) Good night (24326) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz

Replies (53) Good night (25202) Bad night (1594)
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey

Replies (15) Good night (23490) Bad night (664)
Favorite
(661): View more from California

Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

(1-661): View more from California

What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh

Replies (49) Good night (28200) Bad night (858)
Favorite
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul

Replies (41) Good night (26201) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv

Replies (92) Good night (26565) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(928): View more from Arizona

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e

Replies (54) Good night (28554) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk

Replies (82) Good night (25526) Bad night (1108)
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4

Replies (82) Good night (28718) Bad night (1860)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i

Replies (53) Good night (26453) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3

Replies (61) Good night (26808) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(918): View more from Oklahoma

And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w

Replies (84) Good night (26434) Bad night (799)
Favorite
(618): View more from Illinois

The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly

Replies (411) Good night (25221) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(970): View more from Colorado

Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute. http://tfl.nu/y17n

Replies (40) Good night (26963) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(971): View more from Oregon

I have two black x marks on my hands.

(503): View more from Oregon

Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

(971): View more from Oregon

damnit I wish I could remember that.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a

Replies (58) Good night (25445) Bad night (973)
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4

Replies (98) Good night (32300) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb

Replies (78) Good night (29281) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx

Replies (76) Good night (26528) Bad night (1349)
Favorite
(419): View more from Ohio

just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(419): just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked http://tfl.nu/tqdc

Replies (59) Good night (23891) Bad night (1550)
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2

Replies (59) Good night (29314) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(505): View more from New Mexico

Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf

Replies (41) Good night (29535) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(718): View more from New York

bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

(917): View more from New York City

I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl

Replies (40) Good night (34727) Bad night (1080)
Favorite
(124): View more from

Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u

Replies (106) Good night (30058) Bad night (1029)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n

Replies (107) Good night (31247) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(434): View more from Virginia

why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

(540): View more from Virginia

you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o

Replies (42) Good night (27434) Bad night (1085)
Favorite
(416): View more from Ontario

you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl

Replies (92) Good night (30929) Bad night (1346)
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5

Replies (131) Good night (30703) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(386): View more from Florida

after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v

Replies (59) Good night (33654) Bad night (707)
Favorite
(716): View more from New York

I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es

Replies (97) Good night (30810) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(301): View more from Maryland

I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1

Replies (90) Good night (29859) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(970): View more from Colorado

I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): View more from Colorado

Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy

Replies (109) Good night (36354) Bad night (2650)
Favorite
(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz

Replies (50) Good night (35013) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

(512): View more from Texas

babe, don't say it like that!

(713): View more from Texas

I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma

Replies (137) Good night (36751) Bad night (1051)
Favorite
(212): View more from New York

I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland. http://tfl.nu/ca0n

Replies (71) Good night (28627) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(727): View more from Florida

I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix

Replies (101) Good night (36401) Bad night (1391)
Favorite
(831): View more from California

theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8

Replies (212) Good night (32241) Bad night (1958)
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

(850): View more from Florida

I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik

Replies (84) Good night (36449) Bad night (1297)
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn

Replies (95) Good night (38043) Bad night (1192)
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl

Replies (117) Good night (36147) Bad night (1051)
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv

Replies (124) Good night (40245) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(661): View more from California

the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0

Replies (73) Good night (38089) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(910): View more from North Carolina

wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

(910): View more from North Carolina

IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5

Replies (81) Good night (37963) Bad night (1648)
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh

Replies (124) Good night (39426) Bad night (2263)
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa

Replies (83) Good night (38096) Bad night (1658) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(720): View more from Colorado

o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt

Replies (76) Good night (36845) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(775): View more from Nevada

before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la

Replies (69) Good night (36479) Bad night (1530)
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t

Replies (68) Good night (37821) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(713): View more from Texas

she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl

Replies (121) Good night (44044) Bad night (1351)
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe

Replies (99) Good night (36575) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(512): View more from Texas

i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a

Replies (200) Good night (38522) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8

Replies (107) Good night (38275) Bad night (1593)
Favorite
(347): View more from New York

in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw

Replies (134) Good night (41912) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(864): View more from South Carolina

So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp

Replies (171) Good night (49211) Bad night (5110)
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

(443): View more from Maryland

wasted?

(410): View more from Maryland

im pocohantasssss

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6

Replies (109) Good night (42211) Bad night (1636)
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/xhdj

Replies (49) Good night (45258) Bad night (1014)
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

(908): View more from New Jersey

I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

(201): View more from New Jersey

Tie

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy

Replies (97) Good night (41860) Bad night (1189)
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6

Replies (45) Good night (45517) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(563): View more from Iowa

Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y

Replies (60) Good night (53389) Bad night (916)
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh

Replies (87) Good night (48559) Bad night (2731) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq

Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2220) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww

Replies (83) Good night (46882) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc

Replies (76) Good night (49376) Bad night (1672) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(857): View more from Massachusetts

seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9

Replies (208) Good night (49124) Bad night (2152) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq

Replies (430) Good night (52065) Bad night (5860) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6

Replies (139) Good night (42580) Bad night (8882)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap

Replies (349) Good night (55355) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(843): View more from South Carolina

the red head has a bf

(1-843): View more from South Carolina

just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta

Replies (117) Good night (43644) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s

Replies (183) Good night (53940) Bad night (4175)
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss

Replies (130) Good night (57782) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(915): View more from Texas

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915): View more from Texas

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj

Replies (52) Good night (68153) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t

Replies (280) Good night (52342) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091

Replies (292) Good night (69183) Bad night (1983) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(813): View more from Florida

I'm fucking your sister right now.

(1-813): View more from Florida

You motherfucker

(813): View more from Florida

She's next.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup

Replies (151) Good night (62669) Bad night (2951)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg

Replies (285) Good night (60323) Bad night (3668)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh

Replies (196) Good night (76738) Bad night (3807) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(909): View more from California

I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb

Replies (165) Good night (87459) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd

Replies (434) Good night (107947) Bad night (8844) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(781): View more from Massachusetts

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd

Replies (124) Good night (122219) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap

Replies (816) Good night (136704) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3

Replies (499) Good night (82811) Bad night (7566)
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How was it?

(847): View more from Illinois

Fantastic, but that's not the point.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk

Replies (199) Good night (82966) Bad night (6404)
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far" http://tfl.nu/vzxo

Replies (7) Good night (4028) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd

Replies (31) Good night (10513) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive. http://tfl.nu/o6oy

Replies (6) Good night (3731) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

(571): View more from Virginia

Fuck you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right? (571): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/jxij

Replies (13) Good night (3955) Bad night (1595)
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

(216): View more from Ohio

i hate you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0

Replies (43) Good night (21129) Bad night (1201)
Favorite
(910): View more from North Carolina

Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(910): Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically. http://tfl.nu/2hl3

Replies (32) Good night (3802) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(716): View more from New York

I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(716): I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting. http://tfl.nu/txta

Replies (28) Good night (1117) Bad night (3383) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(780): I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/nb18

Replies (8) Good night (3246) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment

(757): View more from Virginia

Personally I think it's a tremendous investment

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment (757): Personally I think it's a tremendous investment http://tfl.nu/ikjn

Replies (8) Good night (2585) Bad night (560)
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

(914): View more from New York

Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05

Replies (53) Good night (6969) Bad night (2033)
Favorite
(862): View more from New Jersey

I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro

Replies (21) Good night (5557) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are http://tfl.nu/vwno

Replies (22) Good night (6854) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(631): View more from New York

well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(631): well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore http://tfl.nu/6gwp

Replies (10) Good night (4122) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(925): View more from California

Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm

Replies (19) Good night (5990) Bad night (695)
Favorite
(507): View more from Minnesota

All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(507): All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon http://tfl.nu/xv5b

Replies (12) Good night (1670) Bad night (2223)
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often http://tfl.nu/h345

Replies (5) Good night (2957) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall http://tfl.nu/brex

Replies (11) Good night (4048) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels? http://tfl.nu/vpae

Replies (12) Good night (959) Bad night (3641) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz

Replies (31) Good night (9948) Bad night (835)
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit http://tfl.nu/h4ki

Replies (7) Good night (4375) Bad night (946)
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh

Replies (28) Good night (3987) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias. http://tfl.nu/4ikl

Replies (8) Good night (5571) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(818): View more from California

he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8

Replies (14) Good night (5640) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(561): View more from Florida

Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

(561): View more from Florida

But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville http://tfl.nu/1qx8

Replies (28) Good night (6621) Bad night (1035)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?

(815): View more from Illinois

Quite the contrary. Sophistication.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression? (815): Quite the contrary. Sophistication. http://tfl.nu/7jsx

Replies (24) Good night (7117) Bad night (793)
Favorite
(03): View more from

you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e

Replies (18) Good night (6599) Bad night (752)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?" http://tfl.nu/0sa8

Replies (19) Good night (10138) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(256): View more from Alabama

He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp

Replies (9) Good night (7116) Bad night (696)
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night http://tfl.nu/leh0

Replies (6) Good night (4458) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(530): View more from California

dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often http://tfl.nu/lo0b

Replies (10) Good night (4248) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(760): View more from California

Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(760): Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom... http://tfl.nu/f7p5

Replies (18) Good night (1124) Bad night (5946) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(720): View more from Colorado

She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k

Replies (39) Good night (8929) Bad night (2935) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

everybody makes mistakes

(1-630): View more from Illinois

i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): everybody makes mistakes (1-630): i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances http://tfl.nu/cihb

Replies (23) Good night (6295) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

(562): View more from California

You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

(714): View more from California

Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Hahaha you puked all over his shirt. (562): You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch. (714): Well someones bitter they didn't get any. http://tfl.nu/4mgl

Replies (20) Good night (4871) Bad night (1100)
Favorite
(860): View more from Connecticut

I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

He just wants an even tan

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9

Replies (18) Good night (3910) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(925): View more from California

You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(925): You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman. http://tfl.nu/wynx

Replies (17) Good night (5889) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize http://tfl.nu/xooj

Replies (17) Good night (3853) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless. http://tfl.nu/v4st

Replies (9) Good night (5660) Bad night (1006)
Favorite
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Umm you met him three days ago....

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I said what I said

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0

Replies (30) Good night (7051) Bad night (1185)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning http://tfl.nu/rq6u

Replies (16) Good night (3534) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/n1s3

Replies (13) Good night (5307) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(732): View more from New Jersey

i dont know what to do

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

with your life?

(732): View more from New Jersey

no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp

Replies (17) Good night (4688) Bad night (1923)
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

(1-253): View more from Washington

What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack. (1-253): What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited http://tfl.nu/n0ma

Replies (13) Good night (5074) Bad night (712)
Favorite
(251): View more from Alabama

Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(251): Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game. http://tfl.nu/jamc

Replies (18) Good night (4686) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

someone was throwing condoms at us.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

no, they just magically show up around you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): someone was throwing condoms at us. (1-401): no, they just magically show up around you. http://tfl.nu/lgd4

Replies (8) Good night (3662) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(732): View more from New Jersey

all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf

Replies (11) Good night (4411) Bad night (733)
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x

Replies (27) Good night (10935) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i

Replies (17) Good night (6202) Bad night (688)
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

(1-519): View more from Ontario

You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1

Replies (12) Good night (9452) Bad night (789)
Favorite
(423): View more from Tennessee

Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...

(1-423): View more from Tennessee

I'm eager to hear this explaination.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(423): Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog... (1-423): I'm eager to hear this explaination. http://tfl.nu/jgrb

Replies (15) Good night (4368) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him http://tfl.nu/bwdr

Replies (21) Good night (6313) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years. http://tfl.nu/9eix

Replies (10) Good night (5940) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

(702): View more from Nevada

now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave. (702): now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like" http://tfl.nu/f7jt

Replies (17) Good night (7808) Bad night (778)
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about http://tfl.nu/0nal

Replies (12) Good night (5107) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(219): View more from Indiana

you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

(949): View more from California

she's my drunk super hero.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha

Replies (17) Good night (5303) Bad night (934)
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03

Replies (97) Good night (3913) Bad night (9304) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up. http://tfl.nu/tbqv

Replies (18) Good night (961) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(860): View more from Connecticut

you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz

Replies (16) Good night (7887) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man http://tfl.nu/boh9

Replies (11) Good night (3832) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64

Replies (9) Good night (6648) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(334): View more from Alabama

I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is

(1-334): View more from Alabama

I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(334): I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is (1-334): I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P http://tfl.nu/fyjw

Replies (5) Good night (691) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs

Replies (38) Good night (1234) Bad night (6760) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72

Replies (47) Good night (11057) Bad night (1912) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(651): View more from Minnesota

I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(651): I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister. http://tfl.nu/ezh5

Replies (9) Good night (6268) Bad night (683)
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt

Replies (14) Good night (8796) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt

Cracked IndieClick Humor