By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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