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  • Look... Billy would have appreciated this...

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:34pm
  • BILLY MAYS, HERE... Oh, darn, he's not here. He bumped his head, went to bed, and didn't get up in the morning :( RIP, man.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:14am
  • You my friend are a champion. That was great, and no such thing as too soon.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:00am
  • I SWEAR TO GOD I SENT THIS TEXT!!!!! My day is totally made.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:06am
  • Why tf are people in my area code such dickheads?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 30, 10 at 1:11pm
  • Still the man dangled a baby and touched little boys

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:50am
  • You can get another set free if you call in the next ten minutes. We'll also throw in Jamie Kennedy if you use your credit card.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 16, 09 at 11:02pm
  • ohhhh you're a clever one

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:47pm
  • Billy Mays wouldnt have liked the joke unless you were buying one of his cheap pieces of shit off the TV ... "but wait, we will DOUBLE the offer!! , ...just pay additional shipping and processing... that shaddy motherfucker... and why wouldnt you go to the hospital after you took Jesus' dick to the back of your head on that plane>? I hope his wife snorts some of that Might Putty in memory of him, then blow all of his cash... like a gold diggin' bitch we know her out to be!!!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:40am
  • HAHAHAHAAAH OMG THIS MADE THE WHOLE OFFICE CRACK THE FUCK UP... NICE ONE

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:25am
  • agrees with 1:29, simply awesome

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:38am
  • LMFAO, LOLOLLLLLLLL!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 6:08pm
  • oh god.... excellen! i can hear his voice saying it

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 2, 09 at 7:56am
  • I second 8:07, Fuck You

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:44pm
  • Fucking hilarious. That is all.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:30am
  • best celebrity death joke ever.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:40am
  • Billy Mays was awesome but that joke is too good

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 2, 09 at 6:42am
  • LMAO!!!!!!!! this text wins everything. hands down.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:42am
  • that's from ROFLrazzi. lame!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 2, 09 at 1:24am
  • 1. David Carradine 2. Ed McMahon 3. Farrah Fawcett 1. Michael Jackson 2. Billy Mays 3. ______

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:14am
  • hahahahahah this is good

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:14am
  • That's funny cuz it's true.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 3:31pm
  • Yeah but mj touched little boys, dangled a baby off of a balcony, and named his kid blanket

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:00am
  • Soooo fucking creative. Hilarity at it's finest.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:43am
  • Asshole leave Billy alone I hate you go die

    Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 6, 09 at 3:31am
  • i was more upset at the passing of billy mays than i was over mj but actually lol'ed after reading this. nicely done with this!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:03am
    • so was i! I like MJ, but I saw Billy like every day

      Submitted by NerdyVE on Feb 11, 11 at 12:15am
  • Bahahaha. That's so mean.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:10am
  • 1:03, i was more upset about billy mays than mj too!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:11am
  • Also Walter Croncite. Is this like the summer of deaths or something?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 18, 09 at 2:14am
  • sad...but def clever. i bet billy appreciates this text tho!!!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:41am
  • HAAHAHA thats so great! its the way he wouldve wanted to go

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:48am
  • This was ripped off of so many different websites. It's funny, but I wouldn't go with "original" if the person who sent this text claims they made it up themselves.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:25am
  • i wished all the children of the world would be safe...and later that day...michael jackson died its a zingah

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 19, 09 at 1:03am
  • Bahahahahahaha best tfln evar!!!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 9, 10 at 5:19pm
  • I hope MTV does a marathon of billy mays infomercials now

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 4:55am
  • LMAO good work *tips hat to you sir*

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:07pm
  • HA that IS a knee slapper!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:01am
  • yeahh okay 12:03 because Prince Michael II is a much more suitable name for a child

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:48am
  • 1:14 natasha richarson, bea arthur...

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:20am
  • I said too soon at first too but man was it ever fucking hilarious.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:55pm
  • 1:20, natasha richardson and bea arthur died a while ago..

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 1:17am
  • My mom felt awful cause the day before he died she said she wished he was dead

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 11:44pm
  • ^^^SXEphil is awesome!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 1, 09 at 9:21pm
  • 1:34 Carradine doesn't count, choking yourself out while choking yourself out, isn't just up and dieing

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:43pm
  • that made my life and 3/4 i am never going to read anything as funny as that on this site ever again.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:17am
  • oh holy hell, that was hilarious!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:15am
  • it does feel wrong, but this text is beyond clever hahaha

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:15am
  • it is never too soon to laugh, because especially saddest of times, laughter is the best remedy. :) i'm sure BM would laugh, too. RIP!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:15am
  • that shit is great. dont lie. some of you need to loosen up

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 16, 09 at 12:35pm
  • hilarious. 2:09 amazing as well. HAHA

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 7:31am
  • In this past month: David Carradine Ed McMahon Farrah Fawcett Michael Jackson Billy Mays Someone can't count.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:34pm
  • 4.35 pm: we should share a room. i thought it was beautiful too. i feel so bad for laughing. but ohman. this was genious.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:37pm
  • hahahah that was good, my dad said atleast he won't half to hear him screaming at him through the tv anymore

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:14am
  • probably the funniest text on this site

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:29am
  • Yes three. Three sets of three. Good point tho.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:03am
  • FUCKED up. but funny as hell.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 25, 10 at 8:21pm
  • LMAFO! i love it. OXYCLEAN! lmao

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:42am
  • This was ridiculous... I feel guilty for laughing.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:25am
  • This guy copied Philip DeFranco

    Submitted by thomass on Jul 7, 10 at 8:13pm
  • Yeah, this is totally Phil Defranco. Search sxephil on youtube, funny shit. Don't take credit for PhillyD's joke.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 14, 09 at 4:37pm
  • words cannot begin to explain how amazing that was

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:19am
  • That...was the best text ive seen on here in so long. I laughed so hard

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:59pm
  • Too soon. But laughable.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:51pm
  • if you guys knew how to tell time you would clearly see that this was posted before the video

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 4:19am
  • wow that was fucking clever

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:50am
  • wrong his kids name is prince michael II but they gave him the nickname blanket

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:03am
  • ahahahaha, so great!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:38am
  • Billy would be laughing, bless his soul! You have to admit, TV will never be the same without Billy Mays yelling at you to buy random, useless shit.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:10am
  • This is so beautiful...I'll see you all in hell :D

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:35pm
  • aww and now hes dead (sad face) :(

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:11am
  • I'm so sad I will never get to have a beer with him. And it's not too soon, I think he would have laughed :)

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:41am
  • 11:57 FUCK YOU, STUPID JACK ASS! YOU ARE A COLD HEARTLESS ASSHOLE. BILLY MAYS WAS AN AMAZING PERSON TO BOTH THE PUBLIC AND TO HIS FAMILY. If you didn't know him personally, then you surly don't have any right to make any joke about him or our family! FUCK YOU, JACKASS!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 10:02pm
  • too bad that was on TWITTER and not a text (:

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 1:23pm
  • its never too soon to make jokes.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:44am
  • LMAO. Best text Ive seen on here.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:50pm
  • Was he even really considered a celebrity?? I mean he did infomercials and had a crappy show on Discovery. But hey maybe that means 2 more will die this week....

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:43am
  • 12:13 i agree. i think he'd be laughing if he got this text himself. "life's a pitch and then you buy." -Billy

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:47am
  • CLASSIC! actually funny

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:00am
  • Best death joke EVER.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 3, 09 at 10:44pm
  • uhhh you stole that from sxephil....

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:31pm
  • 1:12...Farrah Fawcett As for the text...outstanding.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:17am
  • rip billy mays... but OP ftw.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 12:15am
  • kinda too soon, but it's too funny to not love! At least it really wasn't all that mean. Still R.I.P. Billy Mays.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:11am
  • hahaha. that was horrible

    Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 20, 09 at 2:53pm
  • Billy Mays wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:36pm
  • 12:11 Ed McMahon also died. I dunno. I think Billy Mays would have appreciated the humor. He seemed like one of those guys.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:13am
  • this text quoted sxephil's most recent youtube video. He says it word for word at the 2 40 mark of his "America Prepares for war with north korea?" video.. haha i bet the texter just pretended he made it up. or sxephil saw this site and pretended he made it up, but most likely the first one.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 3:35am
  • 12:21 makes an excellent point.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:34am
  • this text plus 12:04 & 12:06 totally made my day.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:23am
  • Not a good night...not a bad night...hmmm

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:50pm
  • ^ u fail And not funny

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:48pm
  • hey 1:40......you got mommy issues or something?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 5:13am
  • THIS IS FROM PHILLY D on YOUTUBE. weak

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 4, 09 at 3:08am
  • You stole this from SXEphil on youtube. goodjobb not making up ur own texts!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 9:14pm
  • funny yet so wrong at the same time

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:57pm
  • billy mays, mj, and ed macmahon...who else died?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:12am
  • not funny. Billy Mays was awesome!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:54am
  • aww :( but very funny. i miss getting yelled at via television.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 13, 09 at 2:28am
  • but now who is going to sell me amazing stuff on tv? Shamwow guy? Fuck That Shitt

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:00pm
  • 2:09, not funny. billy mays didn't even sell the shamwows, that was vince. and who fucking cares if he just died last night, he's dead either way and he seemed like the kind of guy that could appreciate a joke.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:20am
  • 1204... and mighty putty, and mighty mend it... Use them to build a giant macaroni statue of him in times square. gale force winds.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:06am
  • That's fuckin sweet

    Submitted by whitaker413 on Jul 20, 10 at 1:53pm
  • maybe it was SXEphil on youtube, or maybe he didnt see that, or the person who posted it didnt.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 1, 09 at 12:48pm
  • awful, but its funny

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:44am
  • It's Billy Mays, he wasn't important. Good one.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:57pm
  • WAY TO RIP OFF SXEPHIL FROM YOUTUBE

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:55pm
  • this text is brilliant.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:25am
  • Originality counts on this site .... & when you don't have it, it doesn't make your "text" very funny.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 5:08pm
  • i didn't know there were funny people in my area code. holla!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:05am
  • RIP billy mays "the best things in life are free, and $19.95"

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:52pm
  • prince is a family name. it was MJ's maternal grandfather's first name.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:42am
  • 11:57 Billy Mays was important. Unlike your pathetic excuse of a life. He had money in his hand. You probably had yours on your penis.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:19am
  • (2:09) youre going to need a shamwow to wipe off the jizz from your moms face tomorrow, and dont make decaf, i need a booster when i wake up from going 27 rounds with your moms sleeping bag looking cunt

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:15am
  • I am attempting to convince everyone around the world to buy an awesome auger and use it to plant a tree in memory of Billy Mays. I think its what he would have wanted

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:04am
  • Hilarious, and screw this "too soon" stuff, I didn't know him personally.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Aug 11, 09 at 2:18pm
  • This text is pure excellence. Well done, texter.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:23am
  • too soon maybe, but c'mon, that was brilliant. well done.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:52pm
  • Horrible, but kind of funny...

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:07am
  • HAHAHA! that was actually funny. and oh please, how many mj jokes did they have by wednesday night ...

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:52pm
  • this will be my new facebook status. well done, sir. well done.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:22am
  • ohmy goddd WAY too soon xD but it was funny as shit.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 22, 09 at 4:13pm
  • i totally love billy mayz, but this is pretty brilliant.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:22pm
  • 12:03...i really don't know if "prince michael the II" is any better than blanket.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:21am
  • Hey guys, I'm pretty sure this text wasn't "stolen" from somebody else. Like 5 minutes after his death was announced, 3 people i know personally made jokes similar to this. The OP probably didn't see the youtube videos and thought it was funny.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 25, 09 at 9:27pm
  • Too soon...he was a great man

    Submitted by Das70sKid on Jun 3, 12 at 9:43pm
  • which 3 celebs died? all I know is MJ FF & BM

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:11am
  • dude, that shamwow guy is next. cocaine never wins.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 1:55pm
  • 4:35... save me a seat dude!

    Submitted by MrThunderWaffle on Oct 22, 11 at 12:47am
  • HAHAHA! that was actually funny. and oh please, how many mj jokes did they have by wednesday night ... June 28, 2009 11:52PM WEDNESDAY NIGHT?? HAHA I had them firing in at 2pm that DAY. "How did MJ really die, they say it was food poisoning : He ate too many ten-year old weiners."

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:27am
  • not funny. he died last night. this website is a sham(wow)

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:09am
  • whyyyyyyyy is everyone so sensitive? you should be able to laugh at death.... this is hilarious

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 6:22pm
  • 12:00, blanket is a nickname

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:03am
  • I was billy mays for my schools talent show last year! :D

    Submitted by railers40 on Oct 20, 11 at 1:08pm
  • Stolen from the Phil DeFranco Show

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 16, 09 at 12:46am
  • haha clever plano, clever.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:19pm
  • This is a horrible month to be a celebrity...

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:26pm
  • ANYONE SAYING SXEPHIL CREATED THIS: I watch his shows too and I subscribe but he stole this joke as so many others did ; this text might not be the "original" but this was not stolen from SXEPHIL. This one came first.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 17, 09 at 1:20pm
  • omg this is so fucking funnny

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:50am
  • god. i know this is hilarious but it makes me so sad.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:49am
  • Seriously one of the funniest texts I've ever read on here!

    Submitted by jaystreet46 on Dec 28, 11 at 5:28pm