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  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:00am

    You my friend are a champion. That was great, and no such thing as too soon.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:34pm

    Look... Billy would have appreciated this...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:14am

    BILLY MAYS, HERE... Oh, darn, he's not here. He bumped his head, went to bed, and didn't get up in the morning :( RIP, man.

  • 96 68
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:06am

    I SWEAR TO GOD I SENT THIS TEXT!!!!! My day is totally made.

  • 97 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:50am

    Still the man dangled a baby and touched little boys

  • 96 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:30am

    Fucking hilarious. That is all.

  • 89 69
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 30, 10 at 1:11pm

    Why tf are people in my area code such dickheads?

  • 95 88
    Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 6, 09 at 3:31am

    Asshole leave Billy alone I hate you go die

  • 88 74
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:17am

    that made my life and 3/4 i am never going to read anything as funny as that on this site ever again.

  • 87 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 16, 09 at 11:02pm

    You can get another set free if you call in the next ten minutes. We'll also throw in Jamie Kennedy if you use your credit card.

  • 86 72
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:42am

    LMAO!!!!!!!! this text wins everything. hands down.

  • 89 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:14am

    hahahahahah this is good

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:07pm

    LMAO good work *tips hat to you sir*

  • 97 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 18, 09 at 2:14am

    Also Walter Croncite. Is this like the summer of deaths or something?

  • 85 77
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 3:31pm

    That's funny cuz it's true.

  • 91 90
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:01am

    HA that IS a knee slapper!

  • 86 83
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:35pm

    This is so beautiful...I'll see you all in hell :D

  • 93 97
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:48am

    HAAHAHA thats so great! its the way he wouldve wanted to go

  • 93 97
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:38am

    agrees with 1:29, simply awesome

  • 83 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:14am

    1. David Carradine 2. Ed McMahon 3. Farrah Fawcett 1. Michael Jackson 2. Billy Mays 3. ______

  • 79 71
    Submitted by thomass on Jul 7, 10 at 8:13pm

    This guy copied Philip DeFranco

  • 79 71
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:40am

    Billy Mays wouldnt have liked the joke unless you were buying one of his cheap pieces of shit off the TV ... "but wait, we will DOUBLE the offer!! , ...just pay additional shipping and processing... that shaddy motherfucker... and why wouldnt you go to the hospital after you took Jesus' dick to the back of your head on that plane>? I hope his wife snorts some of that Might Putty in memory of him, then blow all of his cash... like a gold diggin' bitch we know her out to be!!!!!

  • 87 88
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 2, 09 at 6:42am

    Billy Mays was awesome but that joke is too good

  • 76 66
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 2, 09 at 1:24am

    that's from ROFLrazzi. lame!

  • 86 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 14, 09 at 4:37pm

    Yeah, this is totally Phil Defranco. Search sxephil on youtube, funny shit. Don't take credit for PhillyD's joke.

  • 79 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:03am

    i was more upset at the passing of billy mays than i was over mj but actually lol'ed after reading this. nicely done with this!

    • 54 86
      Submitted by NerdyVE on Feb 11, 11 at 12:15am

      so was i! I like MJ, but I saw Billy like every day

  • 79 74
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:25am

    HAHAHAHAAAH OMG THIS MADE THE WHOLE OFFICE CRACK THE FUCK UP... NICE ONE

  • 74 66
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:55pm

    I said too soon at first too but man was it ever fucking hilarious.

  • 72 63
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:47pm

    ohhhh you're a clever one

  • 85 90
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:43am

    Soooo fucking creative. Hilarity at it's finest.

  • 84 89
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:25am

    This was ripped off of so many different websites. It's funny, but I wouldn't go with "original" if the person who sent this text claims they made it up themselves.

  • 84 91
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 2, 09 at 7:56am

    oh god.... excellen! i can hear his voice saying it

  • 76 76
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 6:08pm

    LMFAO, LOLOLLLLLLLL!

  • 81 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Sep 20, 09 at 2:53pm

    hahaha. that was horrible

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 12:15am

    rip billy mays... but OP ftw.

  • 78 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:15am

    it does feel wrong, but this text is beyond clever hahaha

  • 71 68
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:29am

    probably the funniest text on this site

  • 77 81
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:47am

    12:13 i agree. i think he'd be laughing if he got this text himself. "life's a pitch and then you buy." -Billy

  • 80 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:40am

    best celebrity death joke ever.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 19, 09 at 1:03am

    i wished all the children of the world would be safe...and later that day...michael jackson died its a zingah

  • 75 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:50am

    wow that was fucking clever

  • 72 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:59pm

    That...was the best text ive seen on here in so long. I laughed so hard

  • 74 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 9, 10 at 5:19pm

    Bahahahahahaha best tfln evar!!!!!

  • 77 85
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:43pm

    1:34 Carradine doesn't count, choking yourself out while choking yourself out, isn't just up and dieing

  • 78 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:41am

    sad...but def clever. i bet billy appreciates this text tho!!!!!

  • 80 91
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:42am

    LMAFO! i love it. OXYCLEAN! lmao

  • 73 77
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:19am

    words cannot begin to explain how amazing that was

  • 77 85
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:10am

    Bahahaha. That's so mean.

  • 68 68
    Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 25, 10 at 8:21pm

    FUCKED up. but funny as hell.

  • 77 86
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 4:19am

    if you guys knew how to tell time you would clearly see that this was posted before the video

  • 72 76
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:44pm

    I second 8:07, Fuck You

  • 79 91
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:00am

    Yeah but mj touched little boys, dangled a baby off of a balcony, and named his kid blanket

  • 76 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 13, 09 at 2:28am

    aww :( but very funny. i miss getting yelled at via television.

  • 80 95
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:03am

    Yes three. Three sets of three. Good point tho.

  • 76 89
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:41am

    I'm so sad I will never get to have a beer with him. And it's not too soon, I think he would have laughed :)

  • 74 85
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:05am

    i didn't know there were funny people in my area code. holla!

  • 62 62
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 1:23pm

    too bad that was on TWITTER and not a text (:

  • 75 88
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 4:55am

    I hope MTV does a marathon of billy mays infomercials now

  • 65 68
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:11am

    1:03, i was more upset about billy mays than mj too!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 16, 09 at 12:35pm

    that shit is great. dont lie. some of you need to loosen up

  • 73 88
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:37pm

    4.35 pm: we should share a room. i thought it was beautiful too. i feel so bad for laughing. but ohman. this was genious.

  • 70 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:17am

    1:12...Farrah Fawcett As for the text...outstanding.

  • 71 85
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:25am

    This was ridiculous... I feel guilty for laughing.

  • 65 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:15am

    it is never too soon to laugh, because especially saddest of times, laughter is the best remedy. :) i'm sure BM would laugh, too. RIP!

  • 75 93
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:12am

    billy mays, mj, and ed macmahon...who else died?

  • 63 70
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:23am

    This text is pure excellence. Well done, texter.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:34am

    12:21 makes an excellent point.

  • 71 88
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 1, 09 at 9:21pm

    ^^^SXEphil is awesome!

  • 66 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:36pm

    Billy Mays wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

  • 63 72
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:44am

    its never too soon to make jokes.

  • 73 92
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:00am

    CLASSIC! actually funny

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 10:02pm

    11:57 FUCK YOU, STUPID JACK ASS! YOU ARE A COLD HEARTLESS ASSHOLE. BILLY MAYS WAS AN AMAZING PERSON TO BOTH THE PUBLIC AND TO HIS FAMILY. If you didn't know him personally, then you surly don't have any right to make any joke about him or our family! FUCK YOU, JACKASS!

  • 65 77
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 7:31am

    hilarious. 2:09 amazing as well. HAHA

  • 67 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:00pm

    but now who is going to sell me amazing stuff on tv? Shamwow guy? Fuck That Shitt

  • 65 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:14am

    hahahah that was good, my dad said atleast he won't half to hear him screaming at him through the tv anymore

  • 68 84
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:51pm

    Too soon. But laughable.

  • 75 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 25, 09 at 9:27pm

    Hey guys, I'm pretty sure this text wasn't "stolen" from somebody else. Like 5 minutes after his death was announced, 3 people i know personally made jokes similar to this. The OP probably didn't see the youtube videos and thought it was funny.

  • 69 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:15am

    oh holy hell, that was hilarious!

  • 67 83
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:50pm

    Not a good night...not a bad night...hmmm

  • 67 84
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:34pm

    In this past month: David Carradine Ed McMahon Farrah Fawcett Michael Jackson Billy Mays Someone can't count.

  • 64 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:57pm

    funny yet so wrong at the same time

  • 64 79
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:50pm

    LMAO. Best text Ive seen on here.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 16, 09 at 12:46am

    Stolen from the Phil DeFranco Show

  • 66 84
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 9:14pm

    You stole this from SXEphil on youtube. goodjobb not making up ur own texts!

  • 66 84
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 1:17am

    1:20, natasha richardson and bea arthur died a while ago..

  • 70 92
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 5:13am

    hey 1:40......you got mommy issues or something?

  • 70 93
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:48am

    yeahh okay 12:03 because Prince Michael II is a much more suitable name for a child

  • 72 97
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:10am

    Billy would be laughing, bless his soul! You have to admit, TV will never be the same without Billy Mays yelling at you to buy random, useless shit.

  • 63 79
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:03am

    wrong his kids name is prince michael II but they gave him the nickname blanket

  • 64 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:38am

    ahahahaha, so great!

  • 69 93
    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 2, 09 at 11:44pm

    My mom felt awful cause the day before he died she said she wished he was dead

  • 65 85
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 4, 09 at 3:08am

    THIS IS FROM PHILLY D on YOUTUBE. weak

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 3:35am

    this text quoted sxephil's most recent youtube video. He says it word for word at the 2 40 mark of his "America Prepares for war with north korea?" video.. haha i bet the texter just pretended he made it up. or sxephil saw this site and pretended he made it up, but most likely the first one.

  • 70 95
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 10:52pm

    RIP billy mays "the best things in life are free, and $19.95"

  • 66 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:22am

    this will be my new facebook status. well done, sir. well done.

  • 63 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:31pm

    uhhh you stole that from sxephil....

  • 62 81
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:19am

    11:57 Billy Mays was important. Unlike your pathetic excuse of a life. He had money in his hand. You probably had yours on your penis.

  • 66 89
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:54am

    not funny. Billy Mays was awesome!

  • 66 90
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 1, 09 at 12:48pm

    maybe it was SXEphil on youtube, or maybe he didnt see that, or the person who posted it didnt.

  • 67 93
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:20am

    1:14 natasha richarson, bea arthur...

  • 62 83
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:11am

    which 3 celebs died? all I know is MJ FF & BM

  • 56 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 8:42am

    prince is a family name. it was MJ's maternal grandfather's first name.

  • 66 93
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 1:11am

    kinda too soon, but it's too funny to not love! At least it really wasn't all that mean. Still R.I.P. Billy Mays.

  • 56 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:44am

    awful, but its funny

  • 46 54
    Submitted by Das70sKid on Jun 3, 12 at 9:43pm

    Too soon...he was a great man

  • 65 92
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:43am

    Was he even really considered a celebrity?? I mean he did infomercials and had a crappy show on Discovery. But hey maybe that means 2 more will die this week....

  • 68 98
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:06am

    1204... and mighty putty, and mighty mend it... Use them to build a giant macaroni statue of him in times square. gale force winds.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:52pm

    too soon maybe, but c'mon, that was brilliant. well done.

  • 60 84
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 3, 09 at 10:44pm

    Best death joke EVER.

  • 58 80
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:55pm

    WAY TO RIP OFF SXEPHIL FROM YOUTUBE

  • 43 51
    Submitted by railers40 on Oct 20, 11 at 1:08pm

    I was billy mays for my schools talent show last year! :D

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Aug 11, 09 at 2:18pm

    Hilarious, and screw this "too soon" stuff, I didn't know him personally.

  • 61 87
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:11am

    aww and now hes dead (sad face) :(

  • 60 85
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:57pm

    It's Billy Mays, he wasn't important. Good one.

  • 56 78
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 11:25am

    this text is brilliant.

  • 50 67
    Submitted by MrThunderWaffle on Oct 22, 11 at 12:47am

    4:35... save me a seat dude!

  • 58 83
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:21am

    12:03...i really don't know if "prince michael the II" is any better than blanket.

  • 53 73
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:13am

    12:11 Ed McMahon also died. I dunno. I think Billy Mays would have appreciated the humor. He seemed like one of those guys.

  • 56 80
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:15am

    (2:09) youre going to need a shamwow to wipe off the jizz from your moms face tomorrow, and dont make decaf, i need a booster when i wake up from going 27 rounds with your moms sleeping bag looking cunt

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 17, 09 at 1:20pm

    ANYONE SAYING SXEPHIL CREATED THIS: I watch his shows too and I subscribe but he stole this joke as so many others did ; this text might not be the "original" but this was not stolen from SXEPHIL. This one came first.

  • 62 93
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:49am

    god. i know this is hilarious but it makes me so sad.

  • 56 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 22, 09 at 4:13pm

    ohmy goddd WAY too soon xD but it was funny as shit.

  • 59 89
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:03am

    12:00, blanket is a nickname

  • 62 96
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 1:55pm

    dude, that shamwow guy is next. cocaine never wins.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:52pm

    HAHAHA! that was actually funny. and oh please, how many mj jokes did they have by wednesday night ...

  • 54 82
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 9:27am

    HAHAHA! that was actually funny. and oh please, how many mj jokes did they have by wednesday night ... June 28, 2009 11:52PM WEDNESDAY NIGHT?? HAHA I had them firing in at 2pm that DAY. "How did MJ really die, they say it was food poisoning : He ate too many ten-year old weiners."

  • 53 80
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:23am

    this text plus 12:04 & 12:06 totally made my day.

  • 53 80
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 28, 09 at 11:48pm

    ^ u fail And not funny

  • 49 76
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:20am

    2:09, not funny. billy mays didn't even sell the shamwows, that was vince. and who fucking cares if he just died last night, he's dead either way and he seemed like the kind of guy that could appreciate a joke.

  • 48 75
    Submitted by whitaker413 on Jul 20, 10 at 1:53pm

    That's fuckin sweet

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:04am

    I am attempting to convince everyone around the world to buy an awesome auger and use it to plant a tree in memory of Billy Mays. I think its what he would have wanted

  • 53 88
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 5:08pm

    Originality counts on this site .... & when you don't have it, it doesn't make your "text" very funny.

  • 56 94
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 4:19pm

    haha clever plano, clever.

  • 55 92
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:26pm

    This is a horrible month to be a celebrity...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 2:09am

    not funny. he died last night. this website is a sham(wow)

  • 38 63
    Submitted by jaystreet46 on Dec 28, 11 at 5:28pm

    Seriously one of the funniest texts I've ever read on here!

  • 54 97
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 6:22pm

    whyyyyyyyy is everyone so sensitive? you should be able to laugh at death.... this is hilarious

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:50am

    omg this is so fucking funnny

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:07am

    Horrible, but kind of funny...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 29, 09 at 12:22pm

    i totally love billy mayz, but this is pretty brilliant.