We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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