i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Send us your Text From Last Night!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
nutella sex= disaster
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
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