Texts From Last Night · blondenia's Favorites

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blondenia's Favorites Texts:

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(713): View more from Texas

Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.

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(512): View more from Texas

I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.

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(509): View more from Washington

Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom

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(+44): View more from England

You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(540): View more from Virginia

then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....

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(845): View more from New York

I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing

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