I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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