I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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