if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Send us your Text From Last Night!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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