Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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