Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Loading more great texts...