There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Green mimosas i think yes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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