can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
