there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She bit a glass in half.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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