She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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