he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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