No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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