The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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