I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Send us your Text From Last Night!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
where are you?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
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