Texts From Last Night

novaleigh89's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9467) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (6904) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door... http://tfl.nu/qt3a
  Replies (17) Good night (240) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING http://tfl.nu/fw3v
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/qg7h
  Replies (10) Good night (1745) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins. http://tfl.nu/4yq8
  Replies (3) Good night (1155) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee. http://tfl.nu/zv29
  Replies (16) Good night (1876) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight http://tfl.nu/tvrj
  Replies (30) Good night (6258) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12061) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  Yeah I'm going to bathe him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong. (1-316): Yeah I'm going to bathe him. http://tfl.nu/s84m
  Replies (6) Good night (3510) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success. http://tfl.nu/f7f6
  Replies (12) Good night (2660) Bad night (202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (565): View more from

  He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (565): He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever! http://tfl.nu/cg62
  Replies (15) Good night (2146) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time. http://tfl.nu/0jym
  Replies (3) Good night (244) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman. http://tfl.nu/6t1t
  Replies (10) Good night (2487) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL http://tfl.nu/z2bq
  Replies (6) Good night (1123) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (1951) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn
  Replies (9) Good night (2234) Bad night (268)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though. http://tfl.nu/pqgx
  Replies (19) Good night (2857) Bad night (253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now. http://tfl.nu/19el
  Replies (7) Good night (1182) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food. http://tfl.nu/gt6w
  Replies (9) Good night (2265) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one. http://tfl.nu/3exv
  Replies (15) Good night (1091) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I have a surprise for you

  (1-254): View more from Texas

  Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I have a surprise for you (1-254): Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy! http://tfl.nu/af5l
  Replies (5) Good night (1932) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/jnzf
  Replies (10) Good night (2138) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that. http://tfl.nu/51k0
  Replies (18) Good night (1289) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p
  Replies (5) Good night (3950) Bad night (200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
  Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage http://tfl.nu/lo9j
  Replies (5) Good night (1570) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself http://tfl.nu/6sc5
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay. http://tfl.nu/sog2
  Replies (45) Good night (656) Bad night (2023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13614) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Are you dead

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Yes

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Oh man

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Are you dead (1-260): Yes (260): Oh man (1-260): Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard http://tfl.nu/iien
  Replies (7) Good night (2476) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister. http://tfl.nu/d8xo
  Replies (32) Good night (3212) Bad night (2699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls http://tfl.nu/fn2c
  Replies (10) Good night (637) Bad night (3138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner. http://tfl.nu/vo3h
  Replies (32) Good night (3246) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck. http://tfl.nu/5f0o
  Replies (24) Good night (9338) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard. http://tfl.nu/2lw3
  Replies (16) Good night (3552) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on. http://tfl.nu/mukq
  Replies (65) Good night (2576) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE. http://tfl.nu/sorm
  Replies (6) Good night (1292) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (525): View more from

  It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (525): It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am? http://tfl.nu/0yre
  Replies (14) Good night (3096) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly. http://tfl.nu/khhz
  Replies (10) Good night (1682) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is. http://tfl.nu/8her
  Replies (16) Good night (1080) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move http://tfl.nu/h692
  Replies (54) Good night (286) Bad night (2788)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He had some in his pocket. That was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon. (937): He had some in his pocket. That was weird. http://tfl.nu/q8lw
  Replies (27) Good night (721) Bad night (4827)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down (920): wtf? who are you bitching about me to now? http://tfl.nu/k0ih
  Replies (5) Good night (388) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  This is love.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): This is love. (860): Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party? http://tfl.nu/8lic
  Replies (3) Good night (1074) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit. http://tfl.nu/qhz6
  Replies (2) Good night (1648) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband. http://tfl.nu/w0zf
  Replies (5) Good night (1670) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys." http://tfl.nu/ykbn
  Replies (18) Good night (300) Bad night (2664)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her. http://tfl.nu/4xcm
  Replies (5) Good night (648) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar.. http://tfl.nu/fcka
  Replies (0) Good night (1117) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching.. http://tfl.nu/6kt4
  Replies (10) Good night (2402) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value. http://tfl.nu/83po
  Replies (14) Good night (4398) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest http://tfl.nu/qjdf
  Replies (12) Good night (4129) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air http://tfl.nu/h73p
  Replies (4) Good night (659) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

  (914): View more from New York

  Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List (914): Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired) http://tfl.nu/bfp9
  Replies (27) Good night (1437) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/g8mb
  Replies (15) Good night (4647) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection" http://tfl.nu/al1v
  Replies (20) Good night (498) Bad night (5096)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/t5e0
  Replies (18) Good night (5000) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1280) Bad night (5372)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college. http://tfl.nu/3hcf
  Replies (19) Good night (2281) Bad night (5690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode. http://tfl.nu/h8l8
  Replies (11) Good night (2596) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this http://tfl.nu/b4ty
  Replies (8) Good night (2638) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying (203): but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she http://tfl.nu/l9o1
  Replies (34) Good night (4173) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky. http://tfl.nu/4mz4
  Replies (262) Good night (2158) Bad night (26498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild. http://tfl.nu/q7pb
  Replies (4) Good night (1209) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn. http://tfl.nu/xdjy
  Replies (8) Good night (540) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned". http://tfl.nu/rmju
  Replies (36) Good night (4458) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard. http://tfl.nu/xcqc
  Replies (4) Good night (1566) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur. http://tfl.nu/9vxg
  Replies (11) Good night (5484) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie
  Replies (57) Good night (1017) Bad night (10903)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  batman just walked across the sidewalk

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  lay off the drugs

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no for real he was wearing a cape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): batman just walked across the sidewalk (1-630): lay off the drugs (630): no for real he was wearing a cape http://tfl.nu/eo01
  Replies (15) Good night (4547) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch http://tfl.nu/21eo
  Replies (7) Good night (1964) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt
  Replies (36) Good night (15444) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon! http://tfl.nu/33kf
  Replies (9) Good night (3507) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Stop drinking at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5
  Replies (8) Good night (3082) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (10762) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm hungry

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I'm hungry (1-215): Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex http://tfl.nu/pt2l
  Replies (4) Good night (1637) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now. http://tfl.nu/g0pf
  Replies (22) Good night (716) Bad night (3024)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol. http://tfl.nu/g84x
  Replies (2) Good night (710) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy http://tfl.nu/f1hz
  Replies (9) Good night (1245) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I miss high conversations.

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Swinging. Is. Amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high. (1-270): I miss high conversations. (270): Swinging. Is. Amazing. http://tfl.nu/qk9i
  Replies (5) Good night (1965) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (6859) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1
  Replies (11) Good night (4503) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.

  (1-707): View more from California

  Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy. (1-707): Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots. http://tfl.nu/h6l1
  Replies (11) Good night (1259) Bad night (2919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  i'd get off the bar first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing? (1-216): i'd get off the bar first. http://tfl.nu/xsi2
  Replies (18) Good night (434) Bad night (2653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth http://tfl.nu/th81
  Replies (14) Good night (2261) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT. http://tfl.nu/gdsf
  Replies (6) Good night (4844) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned http://tfl.nu/3gli
  Replies (30) Good night (5958) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1627) Bad night (24783)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps http://tfl.nu/8xhn
  Replies (5) Good night (2092) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids http://tfl.nu/et14
  Replies (18) Good night (1253) Bad night (3662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/jyfi
  Replies (10) Good night (1199) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy. http://tfl.nu/ujmz
  Replies (15) Good night (2920) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross http://tfl.nu/ueo2
  Replies (18) Good night (641) Bad night (2443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position (1-512): I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed. http://tfl.nu/u3vm
  Replies (9) Good night (1558) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (12490) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie! http://tfl.nu/p3px
  Replies (27) Good night (1739) Bad night (3606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38044) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/d04x
  Replies (12) Good night (4665) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now. http://tfl.nu/26wy
  Replies (9) Good night (490) Bad night (1551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  I just wanted to decorate you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair. (1-269): I just wanted to decorate you... http://tfl.nu/gax7
  Replies (8) Good night (3054) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers? http://tfl.nu/gqlt
  Replies (9) Good night (2198) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts http://tfl.nu/ee07
  Replies (10) Good night (2128) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload. (1-256): That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man. http://tfl.nu/ruio
  Replies (41) Good night (2393) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash. http://tfl.nu/b0ts
  Replies (19) Good night (1771) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:) http://tfl.nu/dc1v
  Replies (6) Good night (4594) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  she looked like the bat from fern gully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): she looked like the bat from fern gully. http://tfl.nu/q79p
  Replies (31) Good night (551) Bad night (3132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave" http://tfl.nu/shdd
  Replies (34) Good night (5151) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight. http://tfl.nu/jud2
  Replies (14) Good night (4766) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18691) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past. http://tfl.nu/fh9a
  Replies (4) Good night (1668) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world. http://tfl.nu/0s72
  Replies (45) Good night (5079) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance. http://tfl.nu/jrt8
  Replies (6) Good night (248) Bad night (1826)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36757) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up. (540) I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid. http://tfl.nu/obhg
  Replies (20) Good night (3451) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2112) Bad night (9680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me. http://tfl.nu/8txy
  Replies (13) Good night (1399) Bad night (5651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (11569) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (30) Good night (11358) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye http://tfl.nu/xi6q
  Replies (6) Good night (2261) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice http://tfl.nu/q2o9
  Replies (20) Good night (428) Bad night (3522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all.. http://tfl.nu/gmlb
  Replies (9) Good night (435) Bad night (1472)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people http://tfl.nu/73fe
  Replies (8) Good night (1212) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  Best Friends For Life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub. (1-815): Best Friends For Life. http://tfl.nu/ev62
  Replies (5) Good night (3063) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see! http://tfl.nu/96ew
  Replies (64) Good night (829) Bad night (1823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right? http://tfl.nu/9010
  Replies (17) Good night (4434) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (40) Good night (1963) Bad night (4136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor http://tfl.nu/iwft
  Replies (7) Good night (1858) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer. http://tfl.nu/bgxs
  Replies (8) Good night (2400) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning. http://tfl.nu/jpte
  Replies (13) Good night (460) Bad night (3514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
  Replies (14) Good night (4627) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am http://tfl.nu/p6fg
  Replies (13) Good night (4401) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

  (347): View more from New York

  he is a god among men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment. (917): Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles. (347): he is a god among men. http://tfl.nu/gmep
  Replies (50) Good night (7013) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof
  Replies (18) Good night (2359) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier. http://tfl.nu/u9m6
  Replies (15) Good night (2715) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it http://tfl.nu/8nv8
  Replies (16) Good night (2013) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost. http://tfl.nu/ucyv
  Replies (7) Good night (1699) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards. (267): You should probably take note of that and make it happen. http://tfl.nu/k5f3
  Replies (22) Good night (2346) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (28) Good night (20817) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo http://tfl.nu/iz8u
  Replies (7) Good night (366) Bad night (3106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster? http://tfl.nu/pms2
  Replies (6) Good night (2579) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up... (978): Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis? http://tfl.nu/mb06
  Replies (12) Good night (890) Bad night (2796)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats. http://tfl.nu/c5o0
  Replies (14) Good night (726) Bad night (1942)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/o3ef
  Replies (18) Good night (7108) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed. http://tfl.nu/uy5s
  Replies (8) Good night (3273) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back. http://tfl.nu/ap60
  Replies (27) Good night (6554) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13118) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl http://tfl.nu/2pl6
  Replies (7) Good night (433) Bad night (3512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do. http://tfl.nu/dz7m
  Replies (17) Good night (538) Bad night (2075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere. (1-941): Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4qq
  Replies (13) Good night (2839) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Marry him. Now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky
  Replies (13) Good night (3560) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed. http://tfl.nu/jn5l
  Replies (7) Good night (331) Bad night (1603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/bjop
  Replies (23) Good night (4047) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in. http://tfl.nu/mt4b
  Replies (15) Good night (3328) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd. http://tfl.nu/ry1b
  Replies (23) Good night (349) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end http://tfl.nu/vfas
  Replies (10) Good night (5925) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  we live in such a classy society.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead. (815): we live in such a classy society. http://tfl.nu/glf0
  Replies (25) Good night (5313) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob http://tfl.nu/j762
  Replies (19) Good night (4147) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you http://tfl.nu/oo8d
  Replies (36) Good night (810) Bad night (4283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (5435) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin... http://tfl.nu/5fas
  Replies (29) Good night (2596) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2727) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (6752) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/ch0g
  Replies (8) Good night (6735) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother. http://tfl.nu/be9n
  Replies (86) Good night (3658) Bad night (7303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea http://tfl.nu/kd80
  Replies (27) Good night (5553) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished. http://tfl.nu/1qri
  Replies (9) Good night (4979) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there. http://tfl.nu/fwws
  Replies (28) Good night (4602) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again http://tfl.nu/myb5
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (2315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now. http://tfl.nu/4cfq
  Replies (54) Good night (7016) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting. http://tfl.nu/l79o
  Replies (58) Good night (669) Bad night (3466)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks. http://tfl.nu/kxma
  Replies (34) Good night (1843) Bad night (2252)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (7394) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called. http://tfl.nu/6o7h
  Replies (12) Good night (677) Bad night (5313)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman" http://tfl.nu/jaxb
  Replies (79) Good night (1264) Bad night (6607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa. http://tfl.nu/kz18
  Replies (2) Good night (1649) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some. http://tfl.nu/upkj
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock. http://tfl.nu/bwd8
  Replies (40) Good night (4936) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot. http://tfl.nu/el8s
  Replies (6) Good night (2028) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (5846) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Where are you???

  (210): View more from Texas

  With some dude on the way to his house to blaze

  (310): View more from California

  You went back to a stranger's house????

  (210): View more from Texas

  He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.

  (310): View more from California

  I love LA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Where are you??? (210): With some dude on the way to his house to blaze (310): You went back to a stranger's house???? (210): He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc. (310): I love LA. http://tfl.nu/3r8e
  Replies (15) Good night (2529) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high. http://tfl.nu/gsqh
  Replies (8) Good night (1664) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours? http://tfl.nu/8xmr
  Replies (7) Good night (3693) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8582) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc
  Replies (30) Good night (6647) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around http://tfl.nu/vprs
  Replies (40) Good night (559) Bad night (3141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Guess what happened to me today at work?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  I have chlamydia. What happened.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Guess what happened to me today at work? (1-734): I have chlamydia. What happened. (734): Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second. http://tfl.nu/rf53
  Replies (11) Good night (2264) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing. http://tfl.nu/nkz8
  Replies (10) Good night (829) Bad night (2918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj. http://tfl.nu/nu7q
  Replies (16) Good night (2221) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.

  (516): View more from New York

  By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): 1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model. (516): By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method. http://tfl.nu/fz41
  Replies (27) Good night (2081) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads. http://tfl.nu/vfmt
  Replies (6) Good night (2297) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago. http://tfl.nu/4qky
  Replies (10) Good night (6182) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him http://tfl.nu/mt9f
  Replies (24) Good night (1137) Bad night (2925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton http://tfl.nu/f5q9
  Replies (27) Good night (663) Bad night (4400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message http://tfl.nu/pqsm
  Replies (9) Good night (5284) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy. http://tfl.nu/c9sd
  Replies (17) Good night (4353) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11436) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!! http://tfl.nu/zroi
  Replies (36) Good night (1073) Bad night (1812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4. http://tfl.nu/tyhh
  Replies (2) Good night (1630) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn. http://tfl.nu/iixt
  Replies (12) Good night (2490) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

  (518): View more from New York

  So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi. (518): So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits? http://tfl.nu/jsif
  Replies (36) Good night (4500) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (39) Good night (7543) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Darwin at his finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg. (202): Darwin at his finest. http://tfl.nu/rqsd
  Replies (25) Good night (5576) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up in my neighbors garage.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j
  Replies (21) Good night (8885) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin. http://tfl.nu/eslz
  Replies (5) Good night (2067) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex http://tfl.nu/mh19
  Replies (24) Good night (1355) Bad night (3847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon http://tfl.nu/1u8n
  Replies (12) Good night (3634) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips." http://tfl.nu/kfac
  Replies (5) Good night (2186) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college? http://tfl.nu/onzy
  Replies (37) Good night (5130) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6385) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed. http://tfl.nu/521h
  Replies (9) Good night (2801) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1
  Replies (15) Good night (3945) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now. http://tfl.nu/sgsy
  Replies (11) Good night (1914) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom http://tfl.nu/fom9
  Replies (18) Good night (2944) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well http://tfl.nu/pd1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1127) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
  Replies (32) Good night (6443) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12895) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair http://tfl.nu/x122
  Replies (8) Good night (785) Bad night (1849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17720) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/bm31
  Replies (9) Good night (3878) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin. http://tfl.nu/s6ok
  Replies (25) Good night (2910) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys. http://tfl.nu/p4yk
  Replies (20) Good night (5515) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean not really

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult. (1-202): I mean not really (202): Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible. http://tfl.nu/azl7
  Replies (25) Good night (2566) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem http://tfl.nu/u45p
  Replies (26) Good night (968) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car. http://tfl.nu/1mzx
  Replies (47) Good night (7379) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams http://tfl.nu/1l19
  Replies (10) Good night (952) Bad night (3396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj
  Replies (30) Good night (7583) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who'd you have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl
  Replies (12) Good night (1930) Bad night (3845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea. http://tfl.nu/ohgs
  Replies (22) Good night (4127) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet. http://tfl.nu/32zr
  Replies (19) Good night (837) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back http://tfl.nu/kyt1
  Replies (180) Good night (20407) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant. http://tfl.nu/0cvw
  Replies (50) Good night (5122) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me http://tfl.nu/is24
  Replies (81) Good night (8242) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes http://tfl.nu/c86w
  Replies (24) Good night (3032) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you http://tfl.nu/jrvn
  Replies (19) Good night (5213) Bad night (1637)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies." (401): I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are. http://tfl.nu/26v4
  Replies (17) Good night (4492) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (778) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control. http://tfl.nu/g1ps
  Replies (9) Good night (1417) Bad night (2202)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (193) Good night (36730) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq
  Replies (47) Good night (4620) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses. http://tfl.nu/nf3m
  Replies (3) Good night (1954) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik? http://tfl.nu/lg9s
  Replies (41) Good night (2901) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36355) Bad night (2651)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today. http://tfl.nu/tybk
  Replies (9) Good night (1183) Bad night (1661)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over http://tfl.nu/x0ne
  Replies (4) Good night (2000) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay. http://tfl.nu/qj10
  Replies (19) Good night (932) Bad night (1776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now? http://tfl.nu/j3p5
  Replies (9) Good night (1880) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns". http://tfl.nu/398g
  Replies (12) Good night (2228) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back. http://tfl.nu/2rvp
  Replies (23) Good night (6855) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7279) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her. http://tfl.nu/xmhd
  Replies (26) Good night (4714) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you. (270): No, that's okay. Don't worry about it. (618): Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/gcov
  Replies (43) Good night (3191) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2120) Bad night (34020)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was always good at matching as a child.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her. (614): I was always good at matching as a child. http://tfl.nu/vx3e
  Replies (5) Good night (3318) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (11869) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized (914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes." http://tfl.nu/s64m
  Replies (23) Good night (2950) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw
  Replies (9) Good night (3176) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong. http://tfl.nu/sr7f
  Replies (19) Good night (2001) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d. http://tfl.nu/ncdi
  Replies (12) Good night (425) Bad night (1688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (29) Good night (11259) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  If you're joking I'm going to be sad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's. (919): If you're joking I'm going to be sad http://tfl.nu/jh0h
  Replies (39) Good night (8626) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.

  (415): View more from California

  be there in 3 mins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit. (415): be there in 3 mins http://tfl.nu/00q0
  Replies (26) Good night (3176) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): mustard is like jesus in yellow tights http://tfl.nu/uvec
  Replies (9) Good night (1076) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  u cheatin on me?

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  if i did i would try to upgrade babe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): u cheatin on me? (1-434): if i did i would try to upgrade babe. http://tfl.nu/br4f
  Replies (4) Good night (428) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified http://tfl.nu/y3tt
  Replies (13) Good night (2183) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet. http://tfl.nu/fwq9
  Replies (20) Good night (6192) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college. http://tfl.nu/qsq7
  Replies (28) Good night (4090) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her http://tfl.nu/4r4o
  Replies (11) Good night (5380) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now. http://tfl.nu/y7cf
  Replies (35) Good night (3824) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+77): View more from

  her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk
  Replies (22) Good night (6577) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun. http://tfl.nu/3gwj
  Replies (38) Good night (11268) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (221): View more from

  I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (221): I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/7n2x
  Replies (20) Good night (906) Bad night (7168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend. http://tfl.nu/1ak5
  Replies (9) Good night (1385) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what http://tfl.nu/cm71
  Replies (7) Good night (1756) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow. http://tfl.nu/x1mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3478) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM! http://tfl.nu/lg7j
  Replies (4) Good night (489) Bad night (1930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word. http://tfl.nu/n6a7
  Replies (11) Good night (2909) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material. http://tfl.nu/16u9
  Replies (64) Good night (5151) Bad night (2313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu
  Replies (21) Good night (3431) Bad night (1589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY http://tfl.nu/1b9m
  Replies (26) Good night (2733) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1587) Bad night (5508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power http://tfl.nu/ghbk
  Replies (7) Good night (2602) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant. http://tfl.nu/llpo
  Replies (5) Good night (1744) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (10962) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl? http://tfl.nu/mavc
  Replies (75) Good night (3146) Bad night (6869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV" http://tfl.nu/w3he
  Replies (37) Good night (5091) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook http://tfl.nu/tp82
  Replies (24) Good night (1641) Bad night (9802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me." http://tfl.nu/89qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1444) Bad night (4494)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer http://tfl.nu/3muy
  Replies (6) Good night (995) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned. http://tfl.nu/25dz
  Replies (36) Good night (4699) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww! http://tfl.nu/rzts
  Replies (89) Good night (613) Bad night (13371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter. http://tfl.nu/lm85
  Replies (16) Good night (2874) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx
  Replies (56) Good night (14376) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26070) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (33) Good night (6270) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Oh God

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms (712): Oh God (515): I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship http://tfl.nu/mj00
  Replies (31) Good night (905) Bad night (1805)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): 1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow! http://tfl.nu/fjak
  Replies (9) Good night (2395) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool. http://tfl.nu/4pl2
  Replies (44) Good night (4837) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell http://tfl.nu/7uki
  Replies (9) Good night (1025) Bad night (1859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire http://tfl.nu/rfl8
  Replies (6) Good night (5405) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying" http://tfl.nu/wtiy
  Replies (19) Good night (10139) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22866)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6350) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice. http://tfl.nu/enx3
  Replies (3) Good night (1316) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french? http://tfl.nu/ofgx
  Replies (23) Good night (6870) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (10890) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart. http://tfl.nu/8dw8
  Replies (18) Good night (4957) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49126) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning... http://tfl.nu/swvs
  Replies (40) Good night (359) Bad night (2392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (779): explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/17j8
  Replies (5) Good night (654) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt