I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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