Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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