If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
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Those field tracheotomies only work in Hollywood. You're fucked either way without a scalpel.
If you're badly enough off to need a field tracheotomy and the nearest qualified person doesn't do one, you're dead anyway. Assuming your friend is qualified, be grateful you have friends with skills.
med school Magyver.