I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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You're my hero.
With the Master Sword after you've leveled up?
Princess Zelda is keeping that upside-down triforce locked up tight, eh?
I can see the appeal in dating someone who is completely unable to make any noise besides grunts of pain or ecstasy.