Texts From Last Night

shrivledballs's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u
  Replies (29) Good night (7858) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (12369) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx
  Replies (14) Good night (5333) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her http://tfl.nu/4r4o
  Replies (11) Good night (5380) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car. http://tfl.nu/uk3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1677) Bad night (2866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?" http://tfl.nu/kb6v
  Replies (12) Good night (5302) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree (404): YES. http://tfl.nu/chua
  Replies (5) Good night (3415) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (16417) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8361) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (43) Good night (4305) Bad night (7974)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement. http://tfl.nu/rfma
  Replies (25) Good night (9126) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid http://tfl.nu/u0xl
  Replies (18) Good night (3005) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away

  (440): View more from Ohio

  isn't bella the cat???

  (216): View more from Ohio

  that she is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away (440): isn't bella the cat??? (216): that she is http://tfl.nu/l83t
  Replies (9) Good night (2498) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina... http://tfl.nu/yr74
  Replies (48) Good night (1013) Bad night (5685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours... (1-614): FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/d4zw
  Replies (69) Good night (3826) Bad night (2442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are. http://tfl.nu/a3si
  Replies (10) Good night (1044) Bad night (3457)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
  Replies (11) Good night (3960) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I wanna eat

  (562): View more from California

  then frost

  (562): View more from California

  then eat your cupcake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I wanna eat (562): then frost (562): then eat your cupcake http://tfl.nu/zc7x
  Replies (12) Good night (829) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef http://tfl.nu/mi4v
  Replies (33) Good night (6557) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life http://tfl.nu/eu21
  Replies (24) Good night (4680) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (33) Good night (7842) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win? (720): This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok? http://tfl.nu/drjm
  Replies (98) Good night (2426) Bad night (5451)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?! http://tfl.nu/ay46
  Replies (20) Good night (2047) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (253) Good night (3186) Bad night (75933)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6106) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days. http://tfl.nu/kqbj
  Replies (9) Good night (1237) Bad night (2958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wow, a mother in the making

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test (1-217): wow, a mother in the making http://tfl.nu/2c41
  Replies (45) Good night (1371) Bad night (5326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6332) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina. http://tfl.nu/rpnu
  Replies (46) Good night (6985) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  By 8 I mean 9.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And by 9 I mean 10.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party. (503): By 8 I mean 9. (503): And by 9 I mean 10. http://tfl.nu/vux8
  Replies (62) Good night (2873) Bad night (4638)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow. http://tfl.nu/v829
  Replies (32) Good night (4410) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  They are making fun of natty and blackberries.

  (646): View more from New York

  Tell them they are ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): They are making fun of natty and blackberries. (646): Tell them they are ugly. http://tfl.nu/s2y1
  Replies (8) Good night (3675) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid! http://tfl.nu/xi6r
  Replies (51) Good night (1110) Bad night (10110)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay http://tfl.nu/z5xx
  Replies (9) Good night (3884) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (36) Good night (8428) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Do they take checks?

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Do they take checks? (1-606): Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL? http://tfl.nu/lvo7
  Replies (18) Good night (4669) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (61) Good night (12686) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (16830) Bad night (2262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something. http://tfl.nu/x6k7
  Replies (21) Good night (6471) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age. http://tfl.nu/rqe0
  Replies (25) Good night (1134) Bad night (5186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean. http://tfl.nu/s35t
  Replies (9) Good night (4412) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade. http://tfl.nu/8ipj
  Replies (11) Good night (3039) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It'd be like medium rare by now.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It'd be like medium rare by now. (1-419): I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/d8mh
  Replies (9) Good night (1443) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  only on the fourth of july.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming. (1-813): only on the fourth of july. http://tfl.nu/s13z
  Replies (20) Good night (7472) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip http://tfl.nu/9463
  Replies (10) Good night (3292) Bad night (1302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college http://tfl.nu/i5zk
  Replies (27) Good night (5832) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16028) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (1802) Bad night (6405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14396) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  it glows. i had to have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): it glows. i had to have it. http://tfl.nu/ygwq
  Replies (14) Good night (5037) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water. http://tfl.nu/9vgl
  Replies (6) Good night (4187) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  I honestly don't know what to make of that.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  A ham sandwich would be nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich. (1-423): I honestly don't know what to make of that. (423): A ham sandwich would be nice. http://tfl.nu/fg3s
  Replies (16) Good night (7198) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (11169) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit. http://tfl.nu/67fb
  Replies (20) Good night (3963) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (10880) Bad night (2110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole http://tfl.nu/vkxw
  Replies (21) Good night (572) Bad night (6656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica. http://tfl.nu/vdor
  Replies (23) Good night (861) Bad night (3571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high http://tfl.nu/yu6x
  Replies (49) Good night (7222) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had http://tfl.nu/e6dk
  Replies (15) Good night (4519) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos. http://tfl.nu/b1xi
  Replies (22) Good night (852) Bad night (3772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19355) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs. http://tfl.nu/b4sz
  Replies (13) Good night (4322) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth. http://tfl.nu/4sta
  Replies (14) Good night (1360) Bad night (2896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4362) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You might as well just give her the money now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it. (610): You might as well just give her the money now. http://tfl.nu/i76w
  Replies (72) Good night (3680) Bad night (1207)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
  Replies (15) Good night (4872) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY. http://tfl.nu/lkyy
  Replies (9) Good night (853) Bad night (4765)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  did it start talking like on Land before time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur (413): did it start talking like on Land before time? http://tfl.nu/4v1u
  Replies (12) Good night (3747) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it? http://tfl.nu/ijgp
  Replies (40) Good night (578) Bad night (9140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

  (1-760): View more from California

  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk
  Replies (40) Good night (6501) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze. http://tfl.nu/d5vp
  Replies (112) Good night (1019) Bad night (23954)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7793) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day. http://tfl.nu/xpns
  Replies (29) Good night (5550) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): 2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out. http://tfl.nu/1knp
  Replies (26) Good night (7047) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch (636): Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving? (573): IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation http://tfl.nu/yr3e
  Replies (29) Good night (6584) Bad night (1882)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (30) Good night (8412) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday... http://tfl.nu/fzwu
  Replies (36) Good night (7549) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned. http://tfl.nu/94k0
  Replies (14) Good night (6315) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed. http://tfl.nu/jzfc
  Replies (35) Good night (5893) Bad night (1868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle (1-306): Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other http://tfl.nu/7xcc
  Replies (9) Good night (4978) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud. http://tfl.nu/cvat
  Replies (15) Good night (5492) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8
  Replies (25) Good night (11428) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was. http://tfl.nu/qrct
  Replies (39) Good night (1443) Bad night (5041)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv (1-405): we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina http://tfl.nu/dapc
  Replies (24) Good night (2160) Bad night (4987)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks" http://tfl.nu/u0u9
  Replies (18) Good night (5488) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Mommy issues

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick. (1-303): Mommy issues http://tfl.nu/pw3k
  Replies (4) Good night (421) Bad night (1492)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack http://tfl.nu/ix39
  Replies (21) Good night (809) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
  Replies (61) Good night (2979) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7610) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.

  (585): View more from New York

  I hate you.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers. (585): I hate you. (314): To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me. http://tfl.nu/wpxa
  Replies (23) Good night (2839) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover. http://tfl.nu/xecz
  Replies (18) Good night (6231) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like half our conversations start this way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770
  Replies (16) Good night (5690) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test. http://tfl.nu/4vmp
  Replies (25) Good night (1104) Bad night (4479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40249) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control. http://tfl.nu/aw3o
  Replies (36) Good night (5931) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus? http://tfl.nu/ye38
  Replies (5) Good night (1395) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again. http://tfl.nu/4zrz
  Replies (2) Good night (4469) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just another sign I need to get out of this town

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him (608): Just another sign I need to get out of this town http://tfl.nu/jzm5
  Replies (25) Good night (2621) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence. http://tfl.nu/nvim
  Replies (20) Good night (7389) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.' http://tfl.nu/1grt
  Replies (22) Good night (1955) Bad night (4195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid. http://tfl.nu/v3pa
  Replies (9) Good night (4153) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8033) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself. http://tfl.nu/imt6
  Replies (8) Good night (4310) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to? http://tfl.nu/cdfm
  Replies (11) Good night (910) Bad night (4240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again. http://tfl.nu/gz8q
  Replies (21) Good night (1122) Bad night (5925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning? http://tfl.nu/weqo
  Replies (22) Good night (9588) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up http://tfl.nu/dywv
  Replies (13) Good night (871) Bad night (4548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (8777) Bad night (3733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed http://tfl.nu/muwj
  Replies (21) Good night (4814) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter. http://tfl.nu/re1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5256) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (926) Bad night (4691)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70 http://tfl.nu/w9g2
  Replies (13) Good night (5882) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls. http://tfl.nu/1jxr
  Replies (12) Good night (1609) Bad night (2776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself. http://tfl.nu/hfdh
  Replies (12) Good night (680) Bad night (6827)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl. http://tfl.nu/1sz9
  Replies (37) Good night (4327) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Guys should not giggle. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean? (1-859): im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle (859): Guys should not giggle. Ever. http://tfl.nu/p9xa
  Replies (22) Good night (2729) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you? http://tfl.nu/3dbu
  Replies (8) Good night (4424) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day... http://tfl.nu/iy3f
  Replies (13) Good night (825) Bad night (4325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers. http://tfl.nu/61q6
  Replies (13) Good night (6193) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My bed smells like naked

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My bed smells like naked (414): Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes http://tfl.nu/anqj
  Replies (2) Good night (2201) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where. http://tfl.nu/dvsr
  Replies (3) Good night (3052) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you. http://tfl.nu/ejbb
  Replies (9) Good night (7430) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4604) Bad night (1996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (30) Good night (3913) Bad night (4794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (23) Good night (10995) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5243) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/5c0j
  Replies (10) Good night (5757) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5099) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?

  (317): View more from Indiana

  all hypothetical of course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all? (317): all hypothetical of course http://tfl.nu/v0tg
  Replies (14) Good night (5146) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face http://tfl.nu/zdhw
  Replies (52) Good night (8320) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10149) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (515) Bad night (4753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover http://tfl.nu/h2d8
  Replies (56) Good night (2715) Bad night (6143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened... http://tfl.nu/apd0
  Replies (17) Good night (5564) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet... http://tfl.nu/488j
  Replies (29) Good night (3107) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present. http://tfl.nu/aj43
  Replies (16) Good night (5336) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it http://tfl.nu/l3dc
  Replies (16) Good night (4397) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t
  Replies (18) Good night (6445) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  He managed to light the Jello on fire...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): He managed to light the Jello on fire... http://tfl.nu/tu7i
  Replies (16) Good night (5485) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home http://tfl.nu/wods
  Replies (17) Good night (769) Bad night (7558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/zv6d
  Replies (6) Good night (5488) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3302) Bad night (8618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night. http://tfl.nu/kc82
  Replies (6) Good night (3453) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal? http://tfl.nu/acjy
  Replies (12) Good night (3842) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day. http://tfl.nu/5atz
  Replies (29) Good night (4979) Bad night (1703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (42) Good night (7600) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts. http://tfl.nu/8v61
  Replies (16) Good night (639) Bad night (5976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still. http://tfl.nu/aa8c
  Replies (11) Good night (5360) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5491) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36356) Bad night (2651)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish? http://tfl.nu/wvgn
  Replies (28) Good night (8273) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night http://tfl.nu/hkfs
  Replies (43) Good night (9649) Bad night (2713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club. http://tfl.nu/cpxm
  Replies (44) Good night (819) Bad night (6238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9334) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville. (202): Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am. http://tfl.nu/fp1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5075) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4464) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal? http://tfl.nu/w2t0
  Replies (27) Good night (770) Bad night (2984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back. http://tfl.nu/3ip5
  Replies (24) Good night (6016) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think http://tfl.nu/kspc
  Replies (16) Good night (4037) Bad night (2927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr
  Replies (50) Good night (5294) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): So... how did lowering your standards work out last night? http://tfl.nu/lq5v
  Replies (5) Good night (941) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole! http://tfl.nu/ivhw
  Replies (44) Good night (5581) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation. http://tfl.nu/r77c
  Replies (19) Good night (4800) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!" (1-606): You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents. http://tfl.nu/3y9c
  Replies (16) Good night (698) Bad night (5484)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window. http://tfl.nu/h7i3
  Replies (22) Good night (952) Bad night (3843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q
  Replies (74) Good night (3543) Bad night (17368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it. http://tfl.nu/aapx
  Replies (26) Good night (3325) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Um, that's called prostitution

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Um, that's called prostitution (773): Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money http://tfl.nu/jjue
  Replies (4) Good night (2433) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  he's 29.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son. (1-302): he's 29. http://tfl.nu/ab19
  Replies (16) Good night (1290) Bad night (4480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to. http://tfl.nu/sxdr
  Replies (17) Good night (996) Bad night (5419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (9791) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much. http://tfl.nu/ucje
  Replies (7) Good night (1201) Bad night (5373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2
  Replies (7) Good night (4849) Bad night (2159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this. http://tfl.nu/ok35
  Replies (19) Good night (6015) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw
  Replies (24) Good night (8313) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault" http://tfl.nu/rtah
  Replies (7) Good night (4462) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane. http://tfl.nu/zl9e
  Replies (18) Good night (6110) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success. http://tfl.nu/yoei
  Replies (16) Good night (5767) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It usually does with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit (1-717): It usually does with you http://tfl.nu/9ly0
  Replies (6) Good night (3979) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer. http://tfl.nu/ud7u
  Replies (21) Good night (4123) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (2664) Bad night (1613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (8724) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8281) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina??? http://tfl.nu/hnyt
  Replies (24) Good night (938) Bad night (7613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers. http://tfl.nu/1i45
  Replies (18) Good night (6308) Bad night (1451)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
  Replies (16) Good night (4889) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7488) Bad night (1572)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts. http://tfl.nu/kf4k
  Replies (16) Good night (4626) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk http://tfl.nu/6prh
  Replies (27) Good night (3134) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1236) Bad night (5603)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this" http://tfl.nu/g0yg
  Replies (9) Good night (1759) Bad night (6024)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel
  Replies (12) Good night (8202) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door. http://tfl.nu/f9if
  Replies (9) Good night (4161) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12208) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44049) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high. http://tfl.nu/4ptt
  Replies (36) Good night (7448) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (1906) Bad night (8512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week http://tfl.nu/b2p9
  Replies (25) Good night (4802) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number. http://tfl.nu/7aw5
  Replies (11) Good night (367) Bad night (3634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (2887) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): put your butt on the phone this is a booty call http://tfl.nu/3vuo
  Replies (25) Good night (2649) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom. http://tfl.nu/95nr
  Replies (18) Good night (1902) Bad night (3745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4526) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d
  Replies (12) Good night (4945) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3395) Bad night (5213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...

  (863): View more from Florida

  Can I come live with you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC... (863): Can I come live with you? http://tfl.nu/y56x
  Replies (21) Good night (5265) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4067) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o
  Replies (9) Good night (6001) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/q9ps
  Replies (37) Good night (8208) Bad night (2713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (4740) Bad night (3079)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?! http://tfl.nu/h1we
  Replies (13) Good night (6290) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10286) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi
  Replies (25) Good night (6339) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Writing my paper on freud at bar

  (917): View more from New York City

  ??

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children

  (917): View more from New York City

  Smooth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Writing my paper on freud at bar (917): ?? (203): Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children (917): Smooth http://tfl.nu/hb6n
  Replies (8) Good night (1168) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!

  (806): View more from Texas

  wasnt one 13?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT! (806): wasnt one 13? http://tfl.nu/mo38
  Replies (58) Good night (753) Bad night (3337)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that. http://tfl.nu/ze20
  Replies (22) Good night (3849) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9. http://tfl.nu/1zb6
  Replies (25) Good night (1750) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something? http://tfl.nu/tu2y
  Replies (12) Good night (5147) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college http://tfl.nu/eldf
  Replies (32) Good night (5461) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2237) Bad night (6912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota. http://tfl.nu/u34o
  Replies (35) Good night (3048) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore. http://tfl.nu/kjzo
  Replies (12) Good night (3508) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me. http://tfl.nu/4ss8
  Replies (18) Good night (6772) Bad night (1589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait until you see the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help. (1-978): Wait until you see the roof. http://tfl.nu/itso
  Replies (34) Good night (4270) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you http://tfl.nu/qry0
  Replies (8) Good night (3366) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (7529) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket. http://tfl.nu/tn78
  Replies (48) Good night (4557) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (35) Good night (8508) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks http://tfl.nu/9z2d
  Replies (20) Good night (5768) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She's allergic to latex.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lucky bastard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She's allergic to latex. (678): Lucky bastard. http://tfl.nu/kpxi
  Replies (30) Good night (5494) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying. http://tfl.nu/y4gl
  Replies (91) Good night (1639) Bad night (9393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box. http://tfl.nu/9hzq
  Replies (7) Good night (2510) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend

  (301): View more from Maryland

  1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend (301): 1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps http://tfl.nu/019j
  Replies (29) Good night (3488) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

  (949): View more from California

  Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn? (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER. http://tfl.nu/x4x0
  Replies (29) Good night (833) Bad night (3624)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Why did you send me a picture of a dick?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Why did you send me a picture of a dick? (630): It was an accident sry. Not mine tho. http://tfl.nu/rf2s
  Replies (15) Good night (466) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer?? (1-404): no. http://tfl.nu/c4dk
  Replies (21) Good night (6056) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context. http://tfl.nu/nfjx
  Replies (26) Good night (5836) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (10757) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i think the cat found all the blow we lost... http://tfl.nu/uqm6
  Replies (31) Good night (1250) Bad night (5363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off? (1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it. http://tfl.nu/du1d
  Replies (16) Good night (1159) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I should injure you considerably.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so. (1-847): I should injure you considerably. http://tfl.nu/3r9j
  Replies (86) Good night (3729) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (7697) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase http://tfl.nu/jdu6
  Replies (24) Good night (8864) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication. http://tfl.nu/41jl
  Replies (18) Good night (1078) Bad night (2626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!

  (1-903): View more from Texas

  What does that even mean?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude! (1-903): What does that even mean? http://tfl.nu/qhna
  Replies (30) Good night (947) Bad night (4879)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You fucking left with him didn't you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand" (314): You fucking left with him didn't you?! http://tfl.nu/a3ou
  Replies (33) Good night (1330) Bad night (3658)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon. http://tfl.nu/mzh2
  Replies (9) Good night (440) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed. http://tfl.nu/lx5o
  Replies (20) Good night (5448) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room http://tfl.nu/2vn0
  Replies (12) Good night (4062) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student. http://tfl.nu/quj8
  Replies (26) Good night (9757) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Are your eyes okay

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if I was Asian they would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes (1-260): Are your eyes okay (260): I mean if I was Asian they would be http://tfl.nu/l3r4
  Replies (8) Good night (1744) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6337) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen. (1-513): She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do. (513): She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses. http://tfl.nu/52u6
  Replies (35) Good night (1205) Bad night (4648)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1386) Bad night (9928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (8904) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella. http://tfl.nu/sl5d
  Replies (41) Good night (4151) Bad night (2270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8453) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat. http://tfl.nu/8e48
  Replies (20) Good night (1544) Bad night (5065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/zgr7
  Replies (90) Good night (1287) Bad night (3378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

  (650): View more from California

  I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide. (650): I tried to assassinate the ginger baby http://tfl.nu/c72u
  Replies (28) Good night (1348) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df
  Replies (97) Good night (1354) Bad night (7294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (9954) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/vxnk
  Replies (22) Good night (4904) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/3m71
  Replies (22) Good night (6304) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down. http://tfl.nu/o90m
  Replies (43) Good night (5895) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for. http://tfl.nu/2a8f
  Replies (50) Good night (642) Bad night (4441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

  (415): View more from California

  and she bought it?!?

  (650): View more from California

  yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah (415): and she bought it?!? (650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes http://tfl.nu/zwxp
  Replies (28) Good night (7853) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!! http://tfl.nu/1wys
  Replies (9) Good night (5855) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed? http://tfl.nu/9or7
  Replies (7) Good night (481) Bad night (2072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos" http://tfl.nu/exf3
  Replies (5) Good night (524) Bad night (3284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore. http://tfl.nu/ktqn
  Replies (8) Good night (1760) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool. (912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar? (760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out. http://tfl.nu/o1sk
  Replies (26) Good night (4310) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude are you serious?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I know you already have a pic on your phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
  Replies (95) Good night (2212) Bad night (2793)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8124) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6373) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/e78z
  Replies (25) Good night (7317) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (42) Good night (2884) Bad night (6377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck. http://tfl.nu/wwj8
  Replies (14) Good night (648) Bad night (6647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right? http://tfl.nu/xt5v
  Replies (37) Good night (4871) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies (815): Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more. http://tfl.nu/camm
  Replies (13) Good night (641) Bad night (1587)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate. http://tfl.nu/qrjm
  Replies (13) Good night (3912) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (39) Good night (8425) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/gyhj
  Replies (13) Good night (4061) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her http://tfl.nu/niqc
  Replies (14) Good night (1111) Bad night (5090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah. http://tfl.nu/1uyt
  Replies (30) Good night (9083) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19
  Replies (45) Good night (8304) Bad night (1815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?" http://tfl.nu/1ge9
  Replies (29) Good night (807) Bad night (8015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis. http://tfl.nu/iuvq
  Replies (28) Good night (5679) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle. http://tfl.nu/aifz
  Replies (11) Good night (3508) Bad night (1779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm full of awesome ideas

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm full of awesome ideas (972): Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs... http://tfl.nu/g4si
  Replies (20) Good night (4276) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives. http://tfl.nu/3y3d
  Replies (9) Good night (1004) Bad night (4743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined..... http://tfl.nu/yuuz
  Replies (13) Good night (661) Bad night (4209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr
  Replies (16) Good night (1848) Bad night (6336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7254) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we've started having sober sex

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you really do like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him http://tfl.nu/ocmd
  Replies (19) Good night (8257) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (8941) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate? http://tfl.nu/d0z4
  Replies (19) Good night (4344) Bad night (2009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9368) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together. http://tfl.nu/fujj
  Replies (13) Good night (4750) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6753) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink. http://tfl.nu/xse5
  Replies (6) Good night (4224) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant. http://tfl.nu/y6pb
  Replies (30) Good night (3890) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5343) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky http://tfl.nu/igrt
  Replies (26) Good night (4084) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
  Replies (18) Good night (1626) Bad night (5871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later http://tfl.nu/a1zy
  Replies (19) Good night (8220) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (7643) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name. http://tfl.nu/imhe
  Replies (63) Good night (6396) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5013) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though http://tfl.nu/8e43
  Replies (10) Good night (1264) Bad night (4018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (12455) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth? http://tfl.nu/ukqr
  Replies (21) Good night (4862) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on http://tfl.nu/80ye
  Replies (12) Good night (3486) Bad night (1688)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m
  Replies (8) Good night (4117) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10015) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (5718) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1178) Bad night (4854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's shedding

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  I told you penises don't tan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's shedding (1-912): I told you penises don't tan http://tfl.nu/7fx9
  Replies (43) Good night (1064) Bad night (9744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes. http://tfl.nu/gk7e
  Replies (15) Good night (1212) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever. http://tfl.nu/u46n
  Replies (21) Good night (4825) Bad night (1581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient. http://tfl.nu/9tdu
  Replies (19) Good night (853) Bad night (6175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves http://tfl.nu/mggy
  Replies (20) Good night (5797) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9047) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008. http://tfl.nu/vkb0
  Replies (9) Good night (4415) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/envk
  Replies (9) Good night (977) Bad night (4912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us. http://tfl.nu/5cyi
  Replies (12) Good night (5533) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late. http://tfl.nu/bosu
  Replies (17) Good night (4664) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs. http://tfl.nu/uj0s
  Replies (19) Good night (6853) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2647) Bad night (4504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party. http://tfl.nu/y163
  Replies (17) Good night (4354) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5548) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable. http://tfl.nu/i02t
  Replies (3) Good night (2593) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (813) Bad night (2219)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon http://tfl.nu/z2jl
  Replies (21) Good night (4631) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese. http://tfl.nu/0pie
  Replies (13) Good night (3718) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5136) Bad night (3366)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover. http://tfl.nu/82ke
  Replies (19) Good night (1218) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding? http://tfl.nu/zuv6
  Replies (29) Good night (4472) Bad night (1959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does. http://tfl.nu/rw4v
  Replies (3) Good night (423) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.

  (1-619): View more from California

  i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning. (1-619): i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth! http://tfl.nu/6amj
  Replies (9) Good night (1162) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning. (1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon. http://tfl.nu/wxu1
  Replies (19) Good night (5702) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (1875) Bad night (13104)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo" http://tfl.nu/an5c
  Replies (9) Good night (1075) Bad night (3798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby??? http://tfl.nu/31ox
  Replies (41) Good night (469) Bad night (3143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12004) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's. http://tfl.nu/yr3w
  Replies (11) Good night (776) Bad night (4040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'. http://tfl.nu/h82o
  Replies (13) Good night (3436) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (8589) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool? http://tfl.nu/8wpx
  Replies (15) Good night (6272) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one http://tfl.nu/7c6m
  Replies (12) Good night (3714) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

  (253): View more from Washington

  Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp
  Replies (21) Good night (815) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/fxno
  Replies (32) Good night (747) Bad night (8053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am http://tfl.nu/0rv3
  Replies (3) Good night (3026) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (15) Good night (9322) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend. http://tfl.nu/x4zz
  Replies (14) Good night (6113) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people. http://tfl.nu/vbtd
  Replies (13) Good night (6529) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier. (1-248): You suck. http://tfl.nu/uyss
  Replies (41) Good night (601) Bad night (3196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in. http://tfl.nu/ogcc
  Replies (59) Good night (7776) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (24) Good night (17227) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1099) Bad night (6566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool

  (386): View more from Florida

  It could be our claim to fame

  (904): View more from Florida

  Done. I'll pack a cooler.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool (386): It could be our claim to fame (904): Done. I'll pack a cooler. http://tfl.nu/te4d
  Replies (10) Good night (3401) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8653) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that would be two times in a week with two different guys.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): that would be two times in a week with two different guys. (913): they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right? http://tfl.nu/b8ql
  Replies (21) Good night (3853) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
  Replies (7) Good night (4517) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
  Replies (29) Good night (8950) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one http://tfl.nu/ihc6
  Replies (22) Good night (726) Bad night (10808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on http://tfl.nu/aizw
  Replies (7) Good night (4057) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops. http://tfl.nu/javd
  Replies (23) Good night (5027) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing. http://tfl.nu/w8ww
  Replies (7) Good night (5051) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8304) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2073) Bad night (6084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird http://tfl.nu/vuhd
  Replies (11) Good night (5841) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (12739) Bad night (1707)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34730) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6014) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5
  Replies (8) Good night (4496) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm. http://tfl.nu/clwu
  Replies (8) Good night (3413) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?" http://tfl.nu/ecul
  Replies (55) Good night (780) Bad night (4796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (28) Good night (1761) Bad night (6468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (80) Good night (2276) Bad night (7734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5406) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it http://tfl.nu/r7l5
  Replies (16) Good night (5001) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy http://tfl.nu/e6l2
  Replies (36) Good night (3761) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth http://tfl.nu/plwz
  Replies (47) Good night (972) Bad night (5323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis. http://tfl.nu/bygw
  Replies (14) Good night (1070) Bad night (5265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010' http://tfl.nu/beuj
  Replies (9) Good night (6210) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (1634) Bad night (13232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (16476) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl
  Replies (11) Good night (6344) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
  Replies (9) Good night (6648) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (38) Good night (7954) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/4mwl
  Replies (18) Good night (4622) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5411) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.

  (607): View more from New York

  Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone. (607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/z2i9
  Replies (7) Good night (5480) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly http://tfl.nu/smco
  Replies (6) Good night (649) Bad night (3399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
  Replies (16) Good night (6170) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido" http://tfl.nu/7omt
  Replies (27) Good night (1364) Bad night (4322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you http://tfl.nu/zo5g
  Replies (7) Good night (3759) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now http://tfl.nu/184c
  Replies (45) Good night (1112) Bad night (7602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (2715) Bad night (4677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight. http://tfl.nu/rmxq
  Replies (20) Good night (3861) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Wait, how do girls masturbate?

  (1-925): View more from California

  I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

  (925): View more from California

  ..how does it fit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Wait, how do girls masturbate? (1-925): I dunno we use shower heads I guess. (925): ..how does it fit? http://tfl.nu/ktf5
  Replies (85) Good night (1817) Bad night (5507)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho. http://tfl.nu/pviw
  Replies (9) Good night (452) Bad night (3907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (12844) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party. http://tfl.nu/53gh
  Replies (17) Good night (1548) Bad night (2280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one. http://tfl.nu/52ae
  Replies (16) Good night (3386) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11338) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina" http://tfl.nu/3nun
  Replies (40) Good night (561) Bad night (4726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything http://tfl.nu/8gpe
  Replies (14) Good night (3987) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
  Replies (44) Good night (1215) Bad night (6160)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q
  Replies (24) Good night (564) Bad night (4000)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud. http://tfl.nu/nbnf
  Replies (15) Good night (1218) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I thought that was really considerate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating' (586): I thought that was really considerate http://tfl.nu/g1h7
  Replies (3) Good night (1954) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning. http://tfl.nu/0np0
  Replies (6) Good night (5230) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go. http://tfl.nu/47sp
  Replies (18) Good night (5107) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (3610) Bad night (5262)
• Favorite

  (560): View more from

  I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (560): I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time? http://tfl.nu/wzlt
  Replies (69) Good night (846) Bad night (20727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it. http://tfl.nu/cnbd
  Replies (31) Good night (602) Bad night (7277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/ofbb
  Replies (22) Good night (949) Bad night (3151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers. http://tfl.nu/c1gi
  Replies (4) Good night (2129) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole' http://tfl.nu/gd5q
  Replies (5) Good night (675) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night. http://tfl.nu/gx6d
  Replies (17) Good night (3454) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  You went to church with your boobs hanging out?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): You went to church with your boobs hanging out? (978): Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well. http://tfl.nu/nomt
  Replies (22) Good night (6655) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads. http://tfl.nu/gq0b
  Replies (24) Good night (5014) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is" http://tfl.nu/c0jq
  Replies (36) Good night (948) Bad night (3924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now http://tfl.nu/b8d3
  Replies (21) Good night (549) Bad night (2327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Omg suz!! take the unibrow off

  (516): View more from New York

  No! im just getting hammered instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg (410): Omg suz!! take the unibrow off (516): No! im just getting hammered instead http://tfl.nu/mscr
  Replies (12) Good night (2408) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (8932) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10803) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning? http://tfl.nu/g5lh
  Replies (4) Good night (1175) Bad night (4446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yeah, but four times?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it. (1-702): Yeah, but four times? http://tfl.nu/x8r7
  Replies (30) Good night (6470) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life. http://tfl.nu/04rm
  Replies (63) Good night (888) Bad night (5063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit (303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex http://tfl.nu/u4ul
  Replies (8) Good night (1974) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high http://tfl.nu/6j5i
  Replies (69) Good night (3296) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend? http://tfl.nu/xot8
  Replies (23) Good night (379) Bad night (1666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4277) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink. (630): if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan. http://tfl.nu/ows1
  Replies (6) Good night (1052) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem http://tfl.nu/lhco
  Replies (25) Good night (4805) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Bea Arthur died yesterday

  (240): View more from Maryland

  You shut your stupid mouth

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Betty White is next, I just know it.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Bea Arthur died yesterday (240): You shut your stupid mouth (301): Betty White is next, I just know it. (240): Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next. http://tfl.nu/xn02
  Replies (20) Good night (864) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one.. http://tfl.nu/0qqy
  Replies (9) Good night (3922) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina http://tfl.nu/v4ze
  Replies (80) Good night (5078) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine. http://tfl.nu/p4hk
  Replies (21) Good night (330) Bad night (3271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened http://tfl.nu/r1vr
  Replies (11) Good night (4511) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again. http://tfl.nu/0sqv
  Replies (23) Good night (1219) Bad night (4478)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12660) Bad night (1416)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs http://tfl.nu/dxeo
  Replies (13) Good night (8199) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts. http://tfl.nu/2tox
  Replies (11) Good night (6005) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better http://tfl.nu/ch4v
  Replies (19) Good night (5223) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together.. (313): I can't decide if I actually want to know or not.. http://tfl.nu/mkwc
  Replies (18) Good night (705) Bad night (4334)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy http://tfl.nu/sgsn
  Replies (25) Good night (601) Bad night (4804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing. http://tfl.nu/gyso
  Replies (21) Good night (5853) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs. http://tfl.nu/qooi
  Replies (24) Good night (4381) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5204) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian. http://tfl.nu/yfk0
  Replies (17) Good night (3911) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  No - puma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar? (773): No - puma. http://tfl.nu/r06a
  Replies (8) Good night (1287) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5360) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  my dad is going to jail this weekend

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  where are we going to get our weed from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): my dad is going to jail this weekend (1-602): where are we going to get our weed from? http://tfl.nu/lw00
  Replies (22) Good night (1937) Bad night (6179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass http://tfl.nu/6hj6
  Replies (29) Good night (5611) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies. http://tfl.nu/mtcu
  Replies (50) Good night (6369) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What are you wearing to our high school reunion?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What are you wearing to our high school reunion? (678): I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?" http://tfl.nu/i3zg
  Replies (27) Good night (4156) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack http://tfl.nu/9hdw
  Replies (32) Good night (1092) Bad night (4511)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

  (951): View more from California

  sound pretty economical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood. (951): sound pretty economical http://tfl.nu/xtyc
  Replies (11) Good night (2783) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot. http://tfl.nu/bk2l
  Replies (8) Good night (988) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi
  Replies (15) Good night (464) Bad night (3113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  one might say we're banned from that church

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): one might say we're banned from that church http://tfl.nu/l4dz
  Replies (5) Good night (3664) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Is this the I'm gay speech?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself (1-609): Is this the I'm gay speech? http://tfl.nu/ywd1
  Replies (2) Good night (1770) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
  Replies (15) Good night (1625) Bad night (2293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8178) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell http://tfl.nu/mqh8
  Replies (29) Good night (6002) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions. http://tfl.nu/8qmh
  Replies (23) Good night (3354) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome) http://tfl.nu/u3lw
  Replies (7) Good night (307) Bad night (1786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
  Replies (90) Good night (1378) Bad night (12211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11431) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love http://tfl.nu/i52c
  Replies (12) Good night (4951) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children? http://tfl.nu/iefn
  Replies (26) Good night (989) Bad night (5721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52345) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise. http://tfl.nu/slpx
  Replies (13) Good night (2484) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'. http://tfl.nu/39kt
  Replies (10) Good night (4644) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3
  Replies (18) Good night (1323) Bad night (4602)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (589) Good night (4041) Bad night (98821)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning? (770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle http://tfl.nu/6kcj
  Replies (32) Good night (3142) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle. (1-901): Dude, if you don't take her, I will. http://tfl.nu/8ufn
  Replies (34) Good night (6434) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out. http://tfl.nu/5rrz
  Replies (43) Good night (4462) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service. http://tfl.nu/dlye
  Replies (89) Good night (10953) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz
  Replies (18) Good night (5561) Bad night (1763)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird? http://tfl.nu/7neo
  Replies (26) Good night (3853) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me. http://tfl.nu/gxz0
  Replies (14) Good night (4962) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i can juggle bunnies

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  cool

  (802): View more from Vermont

  on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i can juggle bunnies (1-802): cool (802): on fire http://tfl.nu/wqba
  Replies (11) Good night (2732) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm sorry my penis didn't work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I'm sorry my penis didn't work http://tfl.nu/tw6r
  Replies (10) Good night (338) Bad night (2013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week. http://tfl.nu/ba7c
  Replies (13) Good night (3072) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock http://tfl.nu/oxvs
  Replies (14) Good night (5787) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe http://tfl.nu/fzk2
  Replies (10) Good night (838) Bad night (3729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (6752) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4529) Bad night (1780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36403) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon. http://tfl.nu/gt7r
  Replies (43) Good night (694) Bad night (3760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (021): View more from

  Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (021): Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant. http://tfl.nu/uluq
  Replies (49) Good night (342) Bad night (6447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis. http://tfl.nu/937p
  Replies (25) Good night (2224) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  just do him I won't tell jon

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): just do him I won't tell jon (1-269): um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore http://tfl.nu/l9xs
  Replies (7) Good night (459) Bad night (2174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out. http://tfl.nu/d51a
  Replies (13) Good night (441) Bad night (4246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands... http://tfl.nu/51q8
  Replies (25) Good night (1102) Bad night (3781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy http://tfl.nu/0s17
  Replies (10) Good night (509) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands. http://tfl.nu/553v
  Replies (21) Good night (4122) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5074) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country... http://tfl.nu/c11y
  Replies (47) Good night (13200) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies" http://tfl.nu/cnee
  Replies (16) Good night (4344) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today. (1-207): I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population... http://tfl.nu/tclz
  Replies (96) Good night (3307) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT. http://tfl.nu/2ngi
  Replies (14) Good night (1466) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified. http://tfl.nu/evog
  Replies (15) Good night (1247) Bad night (4190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box.. http://tfl.nu/ei9f
  Replies (32) Good night (1761) Bad night (4782)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers. http://tfl.nu/run3
  Replies (19) Good night (5780) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing (248): Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa http://tfl.nu/broz
  Replies (12) Good night (931) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  I would love to give you more rug burn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible. (1-313): I would love to give you more rug burn http://tfl.nu/8ela
  Replies (5) Good night (1752) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome http://tfl.nu/lk4z
  Replies (37) Good night (8498) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8452) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/syql
  Replies (16) Good night (4047) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer http://tfl.nu/6bxa
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  barbara walters just said penis...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): barbara walters just said penis... http://tfl.nu/ninz
  Replies (10) Good night (2474) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5694) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
  Replies (58) Good night (14054) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes http://tfl.nu/yjwe
  Replies (32) Good night (5329) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  so today I found out that she used to be a he....

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  are you gonna get a divorce?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): so today I found out that she used to be a he.... (1-931): are you gonna get a divorce? http://tfl.nu/5e03
  Replies (85) Good night (706) Bad night (16411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard? http://tfl.nu/skft
  Replies (12) Good night (5510) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec
  Replies (28) Good night (5468) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one. (623): Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully. http://tfl.nu/x05a
  Replies (36) Good night (4386) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (7647) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (27095) Bad night (2261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;) (1-775): Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city. http://tfl.nu/zbb5
  Replies (14) Good night (4472) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking http://tfl.nu/678a
  Replies (14) Good night (470) Bad night (1959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar? (405): No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before. http://tfl.nu/y495
  Replies (6) Good night (424) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  ...are you coming on to me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me. (601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly (901): ...are you coming on to me? http://tfl.nu/90vx
  Replies (12) Good night (3021) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life. http://tfl.nu/0m3z
  Replies (29) Good night (1324) Bad night (3052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you http://tfl.nu/59jr
  Replies (4) Good night (4151) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!" http://tfl.nu/psh2
  Replies (10) Good night (1500) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit. http://tfl.nu/d25i
  Replies (17) Good night (3823) Bad night (1919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way. http://tfl.nu/v52c
  Replies (63) Good night (3121) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics http://tfl.nu/in12
  Replies (28) Good night (432) Bad night (3407)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (3975) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me. http://tfl.nu/1449
  Replies (24) Good night (4825) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (48) Good night (8959) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention http://tfl.nu/4fnt
  Replies (26) Good night (5878) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening http://tfl.nu/ihge
  Replies (12) Good night (6829) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend (1-727): Awkward http://tfl.nu/j0vr
  Replies (13) Good night (407) Bad night (2892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. http://tfl.nu/yxgi
  Replies (34) Good night (790) Bad night (2295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn. http://tfl.nu/3kzi
  Replies (15) Good night (1227) Bad night (4701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza http://tfl.nu/rg2w
  Replies (31) Good night (795) Bad night (5003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them. http://tfl.nu/quds
  Replies (19) Good night (5541) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets. http://tfl.nu/agl3
  Replies (48) Good night (852) Bad night (4079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Girl's gotta have her standards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years. (1-780): Girl's gotta have her standards. http://tfl.nu/3849
  Replies (7) Good night (915) Bad night (1727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for http://tfl.nu/2pon
  Replies (16) Good night (4930) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you http://tfl.nu/nk9c
  Replies (16) Good night (619) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/b942
  Replies (12) Good night (4890) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement. http://tfl.nu/h6nw
  Replies (43) Good night (575) Bad night (6175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant (617): then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him. http://tfl.nu/q2li
  Replies (6) Good night (591) Bad night (3470)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever. http://tfl.nu/ykgr
  Replies (64) Good night (9476) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you? http://tfl.nu/jgvr
  Replies (10) Good night (4318) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1369) Bad night (9540)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  HOT DATE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day. (1-201): HOT DATE. http://tfl.nu/4vki
  Replies (11) Good night (3483) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential http://tfl.nu/2wmk
  Replies (5) Good night (2841) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4510) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
  Replies (10) Good night (4259) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight. http://tfl.nu/dfco
  Replies (33) Good night (1571) Bad night (4575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Whoa, Gary Coleman died

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Whatchu talkin bout?!?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Too soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Whoa, Gary Coleman died (224): Whatchu talkin bout?!?! (847): Too soon. http://tfl.nu/36gw
  Replies (49) Good night (6681) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32302) Bad night (3093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta http://tfl.nu/2wvh
  Replies (21) Good night (4219) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband

  (404): View more from Georgia

  did it work?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  nope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband (404): did it work? (678): nope http://tfl.nu/53k6
  Replies (44) Good night (384) Bad night (1764)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though http://tfl.nu/7ly3
  Replies (18) Good night (5752) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6317) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it. http://tfl.nu/l9cy
  Replies (18) Good night (4291) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I woke up on my floor...

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I woke up on my floor... (1-516): I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop... http://tfl.nu/u1o5
  Replies (12) Good night (3597) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark. http://tfl.nu/cekc
  Replies (62) Good night (1929) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  thats barely a game just flip a coin

  (954): View more from Florida

  should we drink on heads or tails?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5 (201): thats barely a game just flip a coin (954): should we drink on heads or tails? http://tfl.nu/hfuc
  Replies (18) Good night (2456) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Texas should really raise its teaching standards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party. (713): I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over. (832): Texas should really raise its teaching standards. http://tfl.nu/yy08
  Replies (24) Good night (2839) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow http://tfl.nu/rth3
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?

  (323): View more from California

  Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________? (323): Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her http://tfl.nu/qxlw
  Replies (3) Good night (1005) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds. http://tfl.nu/8f3d
  Replies (8) Good night (5375) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home. http://tfl.nu/81x1
  Replies (37) Good night (5122) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww http://tfl.nu/qfxi
  Replies (104) Good night (946) Bad night (31347)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/retd
  Replies (42) Good night (5568) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts. http://tfl.nu/kee8
  Replies (27) Good night (4795) Bad night (2173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it http://tfl.nu/osby
  Replies (37) Good night (1958) Bad night (4850)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (47) Good night (8983) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes (586): I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition http://tfl.nu/j099
  Replies (7) Good night (1191) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (19103) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb
  Replies (31) Good night (3858) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked. http://tfl.nu/rk5j
  Replies (58) Good night (2289) Bad night (4904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
  Replies (21) Good night (1556) Bad night (6188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles http://tfl.nu/o8dc
  Replies (13) Good night (5429) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy. http://tfl.nu/dyh1
  Replies (18) Good night (5502) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg
  Replies (39) Good night (2507) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day) http://tfl.nu/fh88
  Replies (40) Good night (1418) Bad night (3696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1688) Bad night (14820)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too. http://tfl.nu/4mju
  Replies (98) Good night (3413) Bad night (8634)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we agree. completely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing (1-301): that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome (301): we agree. completely http://tfl.nu/eynh
  Replies (31) Good night (8005) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin http://tfl.nu/xzqi
  Replies (52) Good night (642) Bad night (3099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  dollar beers will do that to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning. (1-630): dollar beers will do that to you. http://tfl.nu/e57v
  Replies (26) Good night (2349) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect." http://tfl.nu/c4jw
  Replies (130) Good night (1805) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed. http://tfl.nu/5k49
  Replies (20) Good night (6462) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you

  (1-636): View more from Missouri

  when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you (1-636): when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced http://tfl.nu/5nrz
  Replies (5) Good night (1505) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A simple 'no' would have sufficed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls. (610): A simple 'no' would have sufficed http://tfl.nu/eyzn
  Replies (14) Good night (1527) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall. http://tfl.nu/zz1u
  Replies (35) Good night (5443) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): 8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs. http://tfl.nu/mvq2
  Replies (13) Good night (2371) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates. http://tfl.nu/bvcb
  Replies (17) Good night (3413) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL. http://tfl.nu/l6ak
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night. http://tfl.nu/a8sl
  Replies (20) Good night (1618) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq
  Replies (22) Good night (7513) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off. http://tfl.nu/pihu
  Replies (16) Good night (7395) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes. http://tfl.nu/3pwk
  Replies (13) Good night (5335) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily. http://tfl.nu/kdcy
  Replies (34) Good night (1584) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common? http://tfl.nu/fh8y
  Replies (16) Good night (588) Bad night (4161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie. http://tfl.nu/xse4
  Replies (65) Good night (590) Bad night (16133)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9246) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (7702) Bad night (1971)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels. http://tfl.nu/pla2
  Replies (12) Good night (5433) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen http://tfl.nu/0xt9
  Replies (17) Good night (5207) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6160) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  You should've just screamed yes we can!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad. (1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can! http://tfl.nu/ng19
  Replies (52) Good night (8607) Bad night (1228)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
  Replies (37) Good night (901) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone. http://tfl.nu/i40f
  Replies (23) Good night (6456) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership. http://tfl.nu/f8ej
  Replies (50) Good night (6263) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop. http://tfl.nu/x1i9
  Replies (12) Good night (5035) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches http://tfl.nu/86sw
  Replies (25) Good night (3348) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7076) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22866)
• Favorite

  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper

  (574): View more from Indiana

  well at least shes not calling you fat anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (345): so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper (574): well at least shes not calling you fat anymore http://tfl.nu/rxln
  Replies (21) Good night (5388) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
  Replies (81) Good night (10731) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (7960) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (337) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14045) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high. http://tfl.nu/z4jl
  Replies (25) Good night (5286) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31293) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home. http://tfl.nu/zb6p
  Replies (6) Good night (565) Bad night (3609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10044) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (70) Good night (7595) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college. http://tfl.nu/169r
  Replies (81) Good night (7970) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way. http://tfl.nu/230k
  Replies (16) Good night (6957) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d
  Replies (19) Good night (1912) Bad night (2993)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut. (740): i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck.. http://tfl.nu/ltlc
  Replies (37) Good night (4929) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant http://tfl.nu/6mtv
  Replies (17) Good night (2945) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore. http://tfl.nu/fjzm
  Replies (39) Good night (1011) Bad night (6338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5
  Replies (21) Good night (8215) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it http://tfl.nu/iwz3
  Replies (10) Good night (3153) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him. http://tfl.nu/tve9
  Replies (14) Good night (5308) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you'll never guess what i found when i got home...

  (928): View more from Arizona

  a cake, in the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): you'll never guess what i found when i got home... (928): a cake, in the toilet http://tfl.nu/md4l
  Replies (25) Good night (5351) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder http://tfl.nu/zi03
  Replies (10) Good night (3276) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up http://tfl.nu/fu0m
  Replies (22) Good night (5104) Bad night (2468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad. http://tfl.nu/pphf
  Replies (16) Good night (7995) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred. http://tfl.nu/j0t5
  Replies (18) Good night (3686) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier http://tfl.nu/rs4k
  Replies (25) Good night (3733) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  she was so not down for the gang bang

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): she was so not down for the gang bang http://tfl.nu/snu1
  Replies (4) Good night (354) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation. http://tfl.nu/m27j
  Replies (9) Good night (479) Bad night (3478)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Maybe my heart is located in my vagina http://tfl.nu/huf2
  Replies (18) Good night (5065) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response. http://tfl.nu/3ka8
  Replies (16) Good night (7208) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

  (818): View more from California

  Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

  (818): View more from California

  And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week. (818): Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks. (818): And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it. http://tfl.nu/ncbc
  Replies (14) Good night (3088) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God. http://tfl.nu/n9ll
  Replies (43) Good night (1046) Bad night (6676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  I don't want it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU (1-609): I don't want it. http://tfl.nu/jvul
  Replies (36) Good night (873) Bad night (7527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said http://tfl.nu/s0mp
  Replies (21) Good night (4389) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh yea! I was just doing that too!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina. (610): Oh yea! I was just doing that too! http://tfl.nu/grjr
  Replies (10) Good night (711) Bad night (2173)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way. http://tfl.nu/4k3o
  Replies (30) Good night (4651) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (63) Good night (7838) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
  Replies (82) Good night (25527) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  How did you manage that?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  lol... jersey girls rock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): How did you manage that? (860): Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis (203): lol... jersey girls rock http://tfl.nu/qjnw
  Replies (66) Good night (817) Bad night (2638)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (767) Good night (6467) Bad night (106515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google.... http://tfl.nu/f2r9
  Replies (16) Good night (5108) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Too many margaritas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog. (321): Too many margaritas? http://tfl.nu/18gt
  Replies (9) Good night (3728) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/wxg3
  Replies (21) Good night (5267) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"

  (231): View more from Michigan

  OMG its one we used last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing" (231): OMG its one we used last night http://tfl.nu/jpyf
  Replies (19) Good night (816) Bad night (8833)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9334) Bad night (1948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6597) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived http://tfl.nu/hxwe
  Replies (31) Good night (5070) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am. http://tfl.nu/u2qi
  Replies (14) Good night (1125) Bad night (5581)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/hjgx
  Replies (55) Good night (440) Bad night (5424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5151) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar. http://tfl.nu/rv9o
  Replies (27) Good night (946) Bad night (9357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people http://tfl.nu/ib6w
  Replies (23) Good night (3514) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
  Replies (17) Good night (4247) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it. http://tfl.nu/xnwu
  Replies (10) Good night (848) Bad night (4257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that http://tfl.nu/q1k2
  Replies (12) Good night (4377) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (9811) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ir0f
  Replies (8) Good night (4337) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper. http://tfl.nu/471e
  Replies (10) Good night (3794) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (778) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard. http://tfl.nu/avz2
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (2347)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now. http://tfl.nu/6a5q
  Replies (17) Good night (708) Bad night (3803)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester. http://tfl.nu/4eoz
  Replies (4) Good night (5806) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness http://tfl.nu/m7sl
  Replies (21) Good night (5480) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24328) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4699) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (49) Good night (2908) Bad night (5463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again? http://tfl.nu/oao4
  Replies (19) Good night (807) Bad night (7179)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. http://tfl.nu/oxhe
  Replies (133) Good night (1355) Bad night (36659)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8245) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you srsly need to quit going to that bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?! (616): you srsly need to quit going to that bar http://tfl.nu/h4yo
  Replies (25) Good night (1165) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum
  Replies (36) Good night (10162) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): hey, can i borrow that thing you never use? (1-479): what? (479): your penis http://tfl.nu/2nga
  Replies (11) Good night (1202) Bad night (3513)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

  (214): View more from Texas

  so how much did i say i owed you?

  (972): View more from Texas

  $5 and a new fuck buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards. (214): so how much did i say i owed you? (972): $5 and a new fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/zurg
  Replies (21) Good night (2875) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96139) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them. http://tfl.nu/ng5q
  Replies (9) Good night (2610) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6406) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (82) Good night (16667) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference http://tfl.nu/ny65
  Replies (4) Good night (1177) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (31) Good night (14654) Bad night (507)