fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
North Korea, Best Korea!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
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