Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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