Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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