Texts From Last Night

megagamer's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9274) Bad night (1828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do. http://tfl.nu/ja9q
  Replies (12) Good night (2029) Bad night (3901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old http://tfl.nu/y7b8
  Replies (23) Good night (1573) Bad night (6444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college. http://tfl.nu/3hcf
  Replies (19) Good night (2281) Bad night (5690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  It was only one, it doesn't count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES". (781): It was only one, it doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/lfgz
  Replies (29) Good night (1134) Bad night (3770)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70
  Replies (11) Good night (4065) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7292) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO. http://tfl.nu/ip2n
  Replies (27) Good night (8015) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8587) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (12) Good night (5039) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/0qxf
  Replies (19) Good night (2436) Bad night (5401)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though http://tfl.nu/r22j
  Replies (8) Good night (5654) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors. http://tfl.nu/ipmp
  Replies (36) Good night (2335) Bad night (5257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16199) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  He managed to light the Jello on fire...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): He managed to light the Jello on fire... http://tfl.nu/tu7i
  Replies (16) Good night (5485) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day. http://tfl.nu/5atz
  Replies (29) Good night (4979) Bad night (1703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material. http://tfl.nu/ws01
  Replies (13) Good night (4143) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS http://tfl.nu/kzom
  Replies (27) Good night (3720) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (2910) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (30) Good night (3913) Bad night (4794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks. http://tfl.nu/gf3t
  Replies (13) Good night (5729) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop. http://tfl.nu/wrzz
  Replies (15) Good night (1390) Bad night (5099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain. http://tfl.nu/y8ei
  Replies (15) Good night (6635) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap. http://tfl.nu/9a2a
  Replies (25) Good night (4183) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving http://tfl.nu/e1pp
  Replies (13) Good night (4402) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all. http://tfl.nu/c3dm
  Replies (16) Good night (5714) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception. http://tfl.nu/j51s
  Replies (33) Good night (1513) Bad night (4526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie http://tfl.nu/7ez3
  Replies (14) Good night (1611) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes http://tfl.nu/2sgp
  Replies (14) Good night (4307) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us http://tfl.nu/1uhw
  Replies (29) Good night (5854) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is. http://tfl.nu/s7zh
  Replies (15) Good night (4648) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers. http://tfl.nu/61q6
  Replies (13) Good night (6193) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk. http://tfl.nu/wafm
  Replies (15) Good night (4921) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day... http://tfl.nu/iy3f
  Replies (13) Good night (825) Bad night (4325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it. http://tfl.nu/sbum
  Replies (18) Good night (6960) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either. http://tfl.nu/u7gs
  Replies (15) Good night (921) Bad night (5365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14308) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16812) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that. http://tfl.nu/jia8
  Replies (110) Good night (14038) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (31) Good night (14654) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (33) Good night (14553) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles. http://tfl.nu/jmsm
  Replies (32) Good night (14388) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (16301) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (86) Good night (15270) Bad night (2447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (16260) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih
  Replies (50) Good night (17088) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4362) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (24) Good night (17227) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9465) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8
  Replies (39) Good night (10461) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23041) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (17613) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (99) Good night (11814) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (30) Good night (9146) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24103) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (19370) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard. http://tfl.nu/hy6n
  Replies (10) Good night (6254) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that. http://tfl.nu/w7w8
  Replies (18) Good night (1778) Bad night (6258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low http://tfl.nu/d44y
  Replies (14) Good night (865) Bad night (5504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car. http://tfl.nu/9e5w
  Replies (18) Good night (4202) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name? http://tfl.nu/f6w0
  Replies (13) Good night (4913) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (9902) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We should party with her soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death. (715): We should party with her soon http://tfl.nu/q1hq
  Replies (16) Good night (7899) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner. http://tfl.nu/49va
  Replies (19) Good night (5066) Bad night (1920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child." http://tfl.nu/sqg2
  Replies (18) Good night (5235) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (6712) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him http://tfl.nu/33vk
  Replies (18) Good night (654) Bad night (5087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9168) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team http://tfl.nu/lnn4
  Replies (6) Good night (4135) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger. http://tfl.nu/77i8
  Replies (35) Good night (770) Bad night (14388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
  Replies (16) Good night (6930) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again http://tfl.nu/a301
  Replies (7) Good night (3302) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots. http://tfl.nu/9g8z
  Replies (13) Good night (6037) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him. http://tfl.nu/fka6
  Replies (12) Good night (6184) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night http://tfl.nu/0qnk
  Replies (77) Good night (7397) Bad night (4057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself. http://tfl.nu/68qu
  Replies (13) Good night (4154) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2248) Bad night (5844)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked. http://tfl.nu/j1kr
  Replies (20) Good night (931) Bad night (4460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store http://tfl.nu/eac9
  Replies (10) Good night (7525) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it. http://tfl.nu/h4q6
  Replies (22) Good night (5877) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday. http://tfl.nu/h79n
  Replies (10) Good night (3995) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (10913) Bad night (2707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed http://tfl.nu/zsvf
  Replies (20) Good night (821) Bad night (4368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ilti
  Replies (42) Good night (9681) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on. http://tfl.nu/zd9d
  Replies (28) Good night (952) Bad night (4949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out. http://tfl.nu/0ttb
  Replies (23) Good night (5774) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland. http://tfl.nu/ca0n
  Replies (71) Good night (28627) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (36483) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (76) Good night (49379) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (184) Good night (53948) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39830) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62701) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76747) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask. http://tfl.nu/r7za
  Replies (8) Good night (7777) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying. http://tfl.nu/sfs9
  Replies (18) Good night (1365) Bad night (4045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  You did not just play the dead husband card again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): You did not just play the dead husband card again. http://tfl.nu/xl50
  Replies (20) Good night (893) Bad night (5154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6
  Replies (6) Good night (4206) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (5919) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that. http://tfl.nu/vsly
  Replies (26) Good night (924) Bad night (7630)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom http://tfl.nu/r4rn
  Replies (67) Good night (521) Bad night (5892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill? http://tfl.nu/149i
  Replies (85) Good night (739) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3124) Bad night (5420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (10639) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I love milkshakes.

  (210): View more from Texas

  Not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat. (1-210): I love milkshakes. (210): Not the point. http://tfl.nu/tb5t
  Replies (19) Good night (4917) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7169) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"? http://tfl.nu/jnls
  Replies (20) Good night (1184) Bad night (5356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out. http://tfl.nu/fs1q
  Replies (15) Good night (987) Bad night (4454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26359) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6597) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes http://tfl.nu/q5w9
  Replies (25) Good night (5262) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1164) Bad night (18745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad http://tfl.nu/i5ms
  Replies (30) Good night (733) Bad night (4168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how to spell recollection?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there (412): You know how to spell recollection? http://tfl.nu/3vjh
  Replies (16) Good night (5157) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (14247) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (110) Good night (11817) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah. http://tfl.nu/uiae
  Replies (12) Good night (4149) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine. http://tfl.nu/wyxo
  Replies (9) Good night (4644) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break. http://tfl.nu/iu19
  Replies (13) Good night (1028) Bad night (3752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action. http://tfl.nu/m88z
  Replies (26) Good night (5328) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/a93z
  Replies (13) Good night (4365) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned http://tfl.nu/r5xe
  Replies (6) Good night (735) Bad night (4545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart? http://tfl.nu/us70
  Replies (22) Good night (1131) Bad night (5420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter http://tfl.nu/j5l8
  Replies (13) Good night (7916) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6060) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (3610) Bad night (5262)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/fiwi
  Replies (43) Good night (1076) Bad night (13801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms. http://tfl.nu/bpq6
  Replies (35) Good night (7242) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in http://tfl.nu/qgu1
  Replies (12) Good night (4633) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star http://tfl.nu/tu9p
  Replies (11) Good night (3429) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  couldn't find a condom?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  basically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you (1-804): couldn't find a condom? (804): basically http://tfl.nu/rfmp
  Replies (16) Good night (5552) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for singing to me while i puked last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): thanks for singing to me while i puked last night http://tfl.nu/ey2e
  Replies (9) Good night (5223) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (8806) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it. http://tfl.nu/sdid
  Replies (11) Good night (5291) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line http://tfl.nu/rmxl
  Replies (51) Good night (9946) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people http://tfl.nu/gtxu
  Replies (13) Good night (4631) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked. http://tfl.nu/g0yc
  Replies (13) Good night (4197) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing. http://tfl.nu/gzcy
  Replies (26) Good night (13105) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us? http://tfl.nu/rk36
  Replies (25) Good night (4282) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Wasn't he an English major?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him. (1-703): Wasn't he an English major? http://tfl.nu/vbmk
  Replies (12) Good night (916) Bad night (4682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"... http://tfl.nu/vy09
  Replies (6) Good night (4483) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it. http://tfl.nu/3ndz
  Replies (8) Good night (835) Bad night (3425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire. http://tfl.nu/uvyh
  Replies (10) Good night (3651) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts http://tfl.nu/21q5
  Replies (6) Good night (3961) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7111) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack... (303): Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c? http://tfl.nu/og73
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life http://tfl.nu/bfvb
  Replies (27) Good night (4293) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more. http://tfl.nu/2mzd
  Replies (16) Good night (1073) Bad night (7447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own http://tfl.nu/ot8v
  Replies (27) Good night (8230) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys. http://tfl.nu/3mjd
  Replies (8) Good night (814) Bad night (5148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame http://tfl.nu/uj51
  Replies (29) Good night (7578) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/fqx3
  Replies (51) Good night (8196) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed http://tfl.nu/3q3u
  Replies (17) Good night (895) Bad night (4017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (9383) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.' http://tfl.nu/2fkm
  Replies (17) Good night (9084) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen. http://tfl.nu/y9v8
  Replies (13) Good night (5561) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot. http://tfl.nu/93sx
  Replies (26) Good night (6693) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home. http://tfl.nu/gpi6
  Replies (32) Good night (8002) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8060) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13729) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (121) Good night (2758) Bad night (14581)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad. http://tfl.nu/jkuj
  Replies (9) Good night (544) Bad night (3611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet http://tfl.nu/6v3o
  Replies (54) Good night (1210) Bad night (4123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture http://tfl.nu/o7a7
  Replies (31) Good night (1661) Bad night (7982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night. http://tfl.nu/710a
  Replies (20) Good night (859) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6246) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come. http://tfl.nu/svxw
  Replies (75) Good night (4789) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea. http://tfl.nu/4ze6
  Replies (40) Good night (5048) Bad night (3190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio. http://tfl.nu/95rn
  Replies (30) Good night (6566) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/ht79
  Replies (9) Good night (959) Bad night (3466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty http://tfl.nu/sjep
  Replies (6) Good night (2466) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg! http://tfl.nu/jn1p
  Replies (19) Good night (601) Bad night (3169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority http://tfl.nu/980f
  Replies (27) Good night (4410) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems. http://tfl.nu/58jb
  Replies (17) Good night (542) Bad night (2514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite http://tfl.nu/a8vx
  Replies (24) Good night (3492) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11436) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm going to rape that little man

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  omg not your brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i'm going to rape that little man (414): omg not your brother http://tfl.nu/01hx
  Replies (3) Good night (449) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz
  Replies (18) Good night (5561) Bad night (1763)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  idk, I had a turtle in mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat? (1-941): idk, I had a turtle in mine. http://tfl.nu/ag7m
  Replies (30) Good night (3386) Bad night (5063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party http://tfl.nu/47pk
  Replies (33) Good night (11954) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (12576) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she has a santa fetish

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place? (215): she has a santa fetish (267): cute. http://tfl.nu/kuhz
  Replies (18) Good night (5391) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true http://tfl.nu/pl0k
  Replies (23) Good night (3955) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel. http://tfl.nu/sip1
  Replies (41) Good night (3732) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture http://tfl.nu/ued3
  Replies (15) Good night (3990) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why. http://tfl.nu/rcz3
  Replies (18) Good night (4660) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/s17l
  Replies (11) Good night (5305) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2553) Bad night (6633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15981) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them. http://tfl.nu/v4vg
  Replies (22) Good night (6424) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (7950) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12027) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back http://tfl.nu/1qlt
  Replies (16) Good night (6972) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night? http://tfl.nu/7t3i
  Replies (15) Good night (878) Bad night (5106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28557) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
  Replies (40) Good night (4612) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here http://tfl.nu/0qbu
  Replies (12) Good night (5658) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (8817) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  That changes everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy. (1-360): That changes everything. http://tfl.nu/pss9
  Replies (27) Good night (4777) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
  Replies (27) Good night (1753) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere http://tfl.nu/0cj1
  Replies (17) Good night (6373) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): And my fence, why is part of it on the roof? http://tfl.nu/v3wp
  Replies (6) Good night (4871) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v49x
  Replies (6) Good night (862) Bad night (3457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics http://tfl.nu/3wmw
  Replies (68) Good night (10363) Bad night (2139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break http://tfl.nu/6afp
  Replies (9) Good night (4227) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party.. http://tfl.nu/fqwv
  Replies (14) Good night (6205) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6357) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Did you go home with that guy without me?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Did you go home with that guy without me? (479): Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car http://tfl.nu/ua1d
  Replies (8) Good night (742) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/4ovg
  Replies (34) Good night (5381) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!! http://tfl.nu/o3fb
  Replies (29) Good night (640) Bad night (4663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

  (818): View more from California

  Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

  (818): View more from California

  And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week. (818): Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks. (818): And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it. http://tfl.nu/ncbc
  Replies (14) Good night (3088) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes http://tfl.nu/v030
  Replies (14) Good night (1230) Bad night (4456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  return my video game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): return my video game http://tfl.nu/7gzq
  Replies (14) Good night (525) Bad night (1808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf
  Replies (28) Good night (7602) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (641) Bad night (3513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster. http://tfl.nu/zgi0
  Replies (29) Good night (1905) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go. http://tfl.nu/oxgw
  Replies (2) Good night (2146) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion. http://tfl.nu/ju2t
  Replies (49) Good night (2567) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes. http://tfl.nu/c6y2
  Replies (9) Good night (458) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10161) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm http://tfl.nu/hl7i
  Replies (37) Good night (8799) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9397) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1133) Bad night (5809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on. http://tfl.nu/nsc2
  Replies (20) Good night (5282) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27269) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  ..im mad u rememberd about that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt (1-732): ..im mad u rememberd about that http://tfl.nu/q0le
  Replies (14) Good night (785) Bad night (3176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk http://tfl.nu/s9es
  Replies (25) Good night (5719) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dont start drinking without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor? (609): dont start drinking without me http://tfl.nu/ofdx
  Replies (47) Good night (4737) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame' http://tfl.nu/un7j
  Replies (16) Good night (3607) Bad night (3755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating http://tfl.nu/7lhs
  Replies (24) Good night (5775) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds. http://tfl.nu/6mgz
  Replies (41) Good night (3898) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two. http://tfl.nu/86sn
  Replies (21) Good night (4661) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (25202) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make. http://tfl.nu/4how
  Replies (50) Good night (638) Bad night (4904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
  Replies (12) Good night (906) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What are you wearing to our high school reunion?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What are you wearing to our high school reunion? (678): I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?" http://tfl.nu/i3zg
  Replies (27) Good night (4156) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football. http://tfl.nu/9dil
  Replies (35) Good night (2756) Bad night (2817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5
  Replies (13) Good night (5404) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low? http://tfl.nu/5hhv
  Replies (29) Good night (641) Bad night (3771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's http://tfl.nu/fnpd
  Replies (38) Good night (3103) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (193) Good night (36730) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40249) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Turn them off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day? (216): Turn them off? http://tfl.nu/9fwv
  Replies (20) Good night (3793) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy. http://tfl.nu/msnn
  Replies (39) Good night (5231) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore? http://tfl.nu/tjz8
  Replies (18) Good night (798) Bad night (3704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him http://tfl.nu/sdh3
  Replies (53) Good night (5249) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart http://tfl.nu/ug8y
  Replies (27) Good night (16384) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low? http://tfl.nu/crwl
  Replies (13) Good night (789) Bad night (4496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180. http://tfl.nu/lfvw
  Replies (11) Good night (3660) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF? http://tfl.nu/cban
  Replies (21) Good night (1425) Bad night (5445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist. http://tfl.nu/cj2p
  Replies (15) Good night (3772) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner. http://tfl.nu/vo3h
  Replies (32) Good night (3246) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits? http://tfl.nu/zxqx
  Replies (39) Good night (2094) Bad night (2906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret' http://tfl.nu/447f
  Replies (55) Good night (1002) Bad night (16291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret http://tfl.nu/39e1
  Replies (3) Good night (2944) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Do you want the good news or bad news first?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  bad news

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Do you want the good news or bad news first? (678): bad news (205): The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos. http://tfl.nu/6wx8
  Replies (17) Good night (3683) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
  Replies (61) Good night (2979) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): 6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter. http://tfl.nu/kp9e
  Replies (42) Good night (5094) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low http://tfl.nu/4tyo
  Replies (24) Good night (3017) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There is no way he is gay with that hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): There is no way he is gay with that hair. http://tfl.nu/3fbq
  Replies (7) Good night (2693) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training... http://tfl.nu/a5eu
  Replies (36) Good night (3894) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how do you have sooo much energy?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): how do you have sooo much energy? (571): billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week http://tfl.nu/czgq
  Replies (16) Good night (4154) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now.... http://tfl.nu/m585
  Replies (36) Good night (672) Bad night (2645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48993) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle. http://tfl.nu/bjh3
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (2794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures. http://tfl.nu/g3us
  Replies (12) Good night (792) Bad night (2439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight. http://tfl.nu/zyt9
  Replies (10) Good night (3150) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I haven't been this sober since birth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I haven't been this sober since birth. http://tfl.nu/qg8c
  Replies (15) Good night (973) Bad night (2493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way. http://tfl.nu/5yxg
  Replies (26) Good night (3892) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out. http://tfl.nu/zite
  Replies (19) Good night (4354) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him. http://tfl.nu/jidd
  Replies (27) Good night (6413) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve http://tfl.nu/ierf
  Replies (21) Good night (677) Bad night (3602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning. http://tfl.nu/55ug
  Replies (12) Good night (4153) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room http://tfl.nu/urin
  Replies (4) Good night (3757) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7
  Replies (19) Good night (6782) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free http://tfl.nu/786e
  Replies (18) Good night (3012) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Public safety found my id!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Public safety found my id! (248): And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had. http://tfl.nu/apb6
  Replies (15) Good night (5076) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (99) Good night (36577) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone http://tfl.nu/s3uu
  Replies (7) Good night (4960) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her. http://tfl.nu/7nk8
  Replies (17) Good night (356) Bad night (3209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face... http://tfl.nu/9kl8
  Replies (9) Good night (1313) Bad night (4449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Did you just see the Batmobile???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Did you just see the Batmobile??? http://tfl.nu/vqtz
  Replies (24) Good night (5404) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire. http://tfl.nu/v2n0
  Replies (19) Good night (5050) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight http://tfl.nu/ncr8
  Replies (79) Good night (7423) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (29283) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (827) Bad night (3327)
• Favorite

  (456): View more from

  im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (456): im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out http://tfl.nu/zwp7
  Replies (27) Good night (3772) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal. http://tfl.nu/3jar
  Replies (72) Good night (1585) Bad night (5732)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (35015) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i just sent this text using only my big toe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i just sent this text using only my big toe http://tfl.nu/upij
  Replies (22) Good night (5738) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer http://tfl.nu/we5u
  Replies (10) Good night (653) Bad night (4274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch? http://tfl.nu/c2lm
  Replies (30) Good night (5040) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room. http://tfl.nu/wji4
  Replies (12) Good night (405) Bad night (4523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors. http://tfl.nu/tdd7
  Replies (44) Good night (9883) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice? http://tfl.nu/c0bh
  Replies (14) Good night (380) Bad night (4760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch? http://tfl.nu/y5pd
  Replies (17) Good night (9732) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/v1t4
  Replies (40) Good night (5042) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
  Replies (411) Good night (25221) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs http://tfl.nu/fh11
  Replies (17) Good night (4288) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487
  Replies (37) Good night (7055) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting. http://tfl.nu/pz3u
  Replies (27) Good night (8468) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (336) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble. http://tfl.nu/c9ha
  Replies (30) Good night (1277) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Beat you to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card? (847): Beat you to it. http://tfl.nu/fyxy
  Replies (9) Good night (1227) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok. http://tfl.nu/zi5p
  Replies (7) Good night (513) Bad night (2931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33654) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened. http://tfl.nu/9qga
  Replies (16) Good night (761) Bad night (4299)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16064) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious. http://tfl.nu/pwp7
  Replies (35) Good night (3943) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW. http://tfl.nu/joal
  Replies (23) Good night (541) Bad night (5147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house? http://tfl.nu/bwc7
  Replies (28) Good night (3617) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right? http://tfl.nu/loiq
  Replies (9) Good night (3380) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me. http://tfl.nu/ksmg
  Replies (8) Good night (345) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead (201): NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it" http://tfl.nu/4pzt
  Replies (85) Good night (4484) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (28148) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
  Replies (82) Good night (25526) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  can u grab me a application

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers (1-973): can u grab me a application http://tfl.nu/7bd4
  Replies (11) Good night (2494) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you? http://tfl.nu/agyh
  Replies (5) Good night (499) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908)): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing. http://tfl.nu/g33r
  Replies (29) Good night (7896) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims? http://tfl.nu/jffq
  Replies (45) Good night (3751) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2321) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay. http://tfl.nu/7iul
  Replies (17) Good night (7715) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Only if they know about it too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room? (1-780): Only if they know about it too. http://tfl.nu/fxqr
  Replies (42) Good night (2947) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese. http://tfl.nu/t7g1
  Replies (22) Good night (2586) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (1-415): View more from California

  What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?

  (415): View more from California

  Irish Spring?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (1-415): What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey? (415): Irish Spring? http://tfl.nu/ebnx
  Replies (20) Good night (3973) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw his package. It spoke to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I saw his package. It spoke to me. http://tfl.nu/ses1
  Replies (11) Good night (3132) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude my mom stole all your condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Dude my mom stole all your condoms http://tfl.nu/kyrw
  Replies (2) Good night (457) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft. http://tfl.nu/x178
  Replies (345) Good night (2634) Bad night (16851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (7936) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job http://tfl.nu/wtkj
  Replies (18) Good night (394) Bad night (4117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever. http://tfl.nu/2wq0
  Replies (47) Good night (4466) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk. (504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera. http://tfl.nu/hakn
  Replies (196) Good night (1574) Bad night (15970)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall. http://tfl.nu/yfss
  Replies (66) Good night (5367) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going? http://tfl.nu/rdp8
  Replies (20) Good night (515) Bad night (5023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer http://tfl.nu/p97m
  Replies (2) Good night (301) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later. (919): wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here! (828): i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa. http://tfl.nu/e72d
  Replies (2) Good night (595) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver. http://tfl.nu/1xbw
  Replies (39) Good night (506) Bad night (4118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert. http://tfl.nu/ehir
  Replies (38) Good night (1290) Bad night (3392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me? http://tfl.nu/n53h
  Replies (90) Good night (669) Bad night (9950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (3858) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked http://tfl.nu/ct4t
  Replies (23) Good night (13343) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo http://tfl.nu/a19q
  Replies (40) Good night (703) Bad night (3778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter http://tfl.nu/3hf7
  Replies (127) Good night (2364) Bad night (3603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg
  Replies (29) Good night (412) Bad night (1791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics http://tfl.nu/20pv
  Replies (3) Good night (1735) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!

  (650): View more from California

  LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!! (650): LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops! http://tfl.nu/mj23
  Replies (4) Good night (724) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti http://tfl.nu/zbwe
  Replies (36) Good night (22113) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (36845) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher. http://tfl.nu/r85b
  Replies (8) Good night (2844) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink. http://tfl.nu/eils
  Replies (25) Good night (3131) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions http://tfl.nu/cic0
  Replies (100) Good night (6864) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (36) Good night (24327) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i think my mom watched the whole time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i think my mom watched the whole time http://tfl.nu/ceac
  Replies (5) Good night (422) Bad night (4345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter? http://tfl.nu/9l91
  Replies (22) Good night (286) Bad night (2180)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion. http://tfl.nu/nlg6
  Replies (4) Good night (2367) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that? http://tfl.nu/z9q7
  Replies (36) Good night (2443) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22866)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes http://tfl.nu/dtzq
  Replies (47) Good night (3780) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week. http://tfl.nu/ufqh
  Replies (20) Good night (4162) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell. http://tfl.nu/hc6j
  Replies (17) Good night (2341) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38044) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (2887) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation http://tfl.nu/j8xh
  Replies (4) Good night (544) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof... http://tfl.nu/xn7m
  Replies (26) Good night (3101) Bad night (251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please http://tfl.nu/85bu
  Replies (38) Good night (689) Bad night (3163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers http://tfl.nu/2g28
  Replies (3) Good night (2352) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off. http://tfl.nu/n7xz
  Replies (18) Good night (390) Bad night (4488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  wait, did i just see you litter out your window??

  (281): View more from Texas

  umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window?? (281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out. http://tfl.nu/y9ae
  Replies (35) Good night (3757) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/tro9
  Replies (10) Good night (775) Bad night (1668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on http://tfl.nu/pg75
  Replies (43) Good night (2926) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina http://tfl.nu/02ir
  Replies (35) Good night (479) Bad night (4442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box. http://tfl.nu/9hzq
  Replies (7) Good night (2510) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cont stop tolking in a british axsent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I cont stop tolking in a british axsent http://tfl.nu/j2m9
  Replies (45) Good night (3626) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1
  Replies (31) Good night (10910) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot http://tfl.nu/time
  Replies (21) Good night (10483) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa
  Replies (42) Good night (8909) Bad night (2039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Wish you were here....

  (734): View more from Michigan

  And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Wish you were here.... (734): And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it? http://tfl.nu/j5nc
  Replies (36) Good night (1721) Bad night (6599)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up. http://tfl.nu/gf96
  Replies (19) Good night (5751) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Please get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot. (1-919): Please get laid. http://tfl.nu/xffk
  Replies (37) Good night (1581) Bad night (5534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (13930) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9564) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  define virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying. (571): define virginity. http://tfl.nu/5by8
  Replies (17) Good night (5439) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax. http://tfl.nu/uaku
  Replies (13) Good night (983) Bad night (7481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you. http://tfl.nu/2p1b
  Replies (8) Good night (4324) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (19446) Bad night (1770)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20047) Bad night (3295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you http://tfl.nu/yn2g
  Replies (9) Good night (4215) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo
  Replies (15) Good night (7012) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out! http://tfl.nu/n1rp
  Replies (11) Good night (4263) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win. http://tfl.nu/dvpb
  Replies (24) Good night (7106) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Why?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight (1-480): Why? (480): 'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward http://tfl.nu/ohlj
  Replies (8) Good night (967) Bad night (4489)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship. http://tfl.nu/z11g
  Replies (23) Good night (1784) Bad night (4450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word. http://tfl.nu/hy59
  Replies (21) Good night (4834) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/7fga
  Replies (18) Good night (7360) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german. http://tfl.nu/cfoz
  Replies (18) Good night (6394) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3
  Replies (33) Good night (9955) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

  (206): View more from Washington

  Or, you could have used a condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i
  Replies (35) Good night (864) Bad night (6510)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (27) Good night (8562) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right. http://tfl.nu/vsow
  Replies (10) Good night (857) Bad night (3132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone http://tfl.nu/fyy6
  Replies (32) Good night (6813) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6483) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death. http://tfl.nu/862e
  Replies (10) Good night (1618) Bad night (3600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college. http://tfl.nu/ajs9
  Replies (13) Good night (4122) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr
  Replies (9) Good night (5780) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7606) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we convinced you the moon was a planet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): we convinced you the moon was a planet...again http://tfl.nu/tbv6
  Replies (23) Good night (6751) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems http://tfl.nu/opwd
  Replies (19) Good night (4136) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64505) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (44) Good night (8618) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5559) Bad night (1630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8453) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee
  Replies (22) Good night (579) Bad night (3204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up. http://tfl.nu/pzz5
  Replies (26) Good night (7496) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low. http://tfl.nu/on4s
  Replies (13) Good night (957) Bad night (3042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day

  (619): View more from California

  ahah at least you got away with it

  (714): View more from California

  nope...my gran was the one who informed me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day (619): ahah at least you got away with it (714): nope...my gran was the one who informed me http://tfl.nu/wy9x
  Replies (10) Good night (831) Bad night (2322)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  wait... oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM (616): Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek? (401): wait... oh http://tfl.nu/kgtx
  Replies (9) Good night (2909) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning http://tfl.nu/vrio
  Replies (6) Good night (464) Bad night (1759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I puked a lego.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I puked a lego. http://tfl.nu/7r9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1435) Bad night (2354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away

  (440): View more from Ohio

  isn't bella the cat???

  (216): View more from Ohio

  that she is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away (440): isn't bella the cat??? (216): that she is http://tfl.nu/l83t
  Replies (9) Good night (2498) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  come over anyways, right now, right this second

  (850): View more from Florida

  it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying

  (561): View more from Florida

  wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): come over anyways, right now, right this second (850): it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying (561): wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation http://tfl.nu/cwsr
  Replies (28) Good night (582) Bad night (2777)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (23490) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background? http://tfl.nu/ijcb
  Replies (63) Good night (2402) Bad night (3169)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on

  (818): View more from California

  and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on (818): and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top http://tfl.nu/u7hy
  Replies (3) Good night (434) Bad night (2392)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (27649) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  "You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): "You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB http://tfl.nu/8qh8
  Replies (4) Good night (619) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (29314) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  someone get that fucking seahorse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): someone get that fucking seahorse. http://tfl.nu/vz56
  Replies (20) Good night (2382) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something. http://tfl.nu/fnx9
  Replies (5) Good night (1909) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex. http://tfl.nu/eqpv
  Replies (16) Good night (3831) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic... http://tfl.nu/yey5
  Replies (87) Good night (9622) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  it wasn't lemon gatorade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): it wasn't lemon gatorade http://tfl.nu/yeyb
  Replies (22) Good night (942) Bad night (17251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod. http://tfl.nu/vf6z
  Replies (29) Good night (1155) Bad night (8037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up http://tfl.nu/mvtn
  Replies (15) Good night (661) Bad night (7866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (13383) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil. http://tfl.nu/drc4
  Replies (13) Good night (7099) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious http://tfl.nu/xtk1
  Replies (47) Good night (2379) Bad night (10770)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): who the fuck is that kid sitting with you... (1-314): I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out. http://tfl.nu/gjl6
  Replies (15) Good night (833) Bad night (4453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone http://tfl.nu/hza4
  Replies (15) Good night (5046) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it http://tfl.nu/rarj
  Replies (14) Good night (6807) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself. http://tfl.nu/6w0d
  Replies (30) Good night (4779) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old. http://tfl.nu/papu
  Replies (8) Good night (6603) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  GAY or at the very least bisexual.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Weird... you've rode him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict? (1-517): GAY or at the very least bisexual. (1-517): His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation. (517): Weird... you've rode him. http://tfl.nu/8rng
  Replies (7) Good night (545) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0
  Replies (23) Good night (1570) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  After last night, I could never be a politician.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): After last night, I could never be a politician. http://tfl.nu/69mb
  Replies (11) Good night (1026) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/e026
  Replies (8) Good night (1515) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos. http://tfl.nu/20bz
  Replies (7) Good night (1171) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer http://tfl.nu/pw3y
  Replies (16) Good night (725) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore. http://tfl.nu/7ot8
  Replies (24) Good night (5091) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20231) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up. http://tfl.nu/1vah
  Replies (13) Good night (3564) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket . http://tfl.nu/mvi5
  Replies (58) Good night (6444) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (7837) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides. http://tfl.nu/gjkd
  Replies (29) Good night (1281) Bad night (3070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously.. http://tfl.nu/exbf
  Replies (24) Good night (1189) Bad night (6311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart. http://tfl.nu/xj2p
  Replies (40) Good night (5974) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie. http://tfl.nu/dgs6
  Replies (28) Good night (4825) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer? http://tfl.nu/yj7n
  Replies (26) Good night (4375) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move http://tfl.nu/msae
  Replies (33) Good night (6896) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (340): well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt http://tfl.nu/yxfk
  Replies (21) Good night (3128) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me. http://tfl.nu/8azw
  Replies (16) Good night (604) Bad night (3274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well. http://tfl.nu/uja4
  Replies (56) Good night (796) Bad night (4692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA. http://tfl.nu/q47o
  Replies (31) Good night (1197) Bad night (5096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn
  Replies (90) Good night (7651) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history http://tfl.nu/gm9f
  Replies (17) Good night (3986) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving http://tfl.nu/h9li
  Replies (28) Good night (655) Bad night (7645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?" http://tfl.nu/o8h0
  Replies (9) Good night (4850) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever. http://tfl.nu/989r
  Replies (18) Good night (5362) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man http://tfl.nu/37r4
  Replies (21) Good night (4924) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant. (847): Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you. http://tfl.nu/48mv
  Replies (63) Good night (2552) Bad night (5646)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore. http://tfl.nu/ntw9
  Replies (55) Good night (5266) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened http://tfl.nu/tpah
  Replies (13) Good night (5942) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up. http://tfl.nu/ay5l
  Replies (33) Good night (1044) Bad night (4931)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee. http://tfl.nu/3r9a
  Replies (16) Good night (4725) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15947) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
  Replies (44) Good night (5944) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"

  (631): View more from New York

  I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship" (631): I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint... http://tfl.nu/594s
  Replies (19) Good night (3913) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away.......... http://tfl.nu/eso1
  Replies (32) Good night (576) Bad night (8068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (6707) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  suggestion: become a stripper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed. (508): suggestion: become a stripper. http://tfl.nu/xaou
  Replies (22) Good night (4414) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex http://tfl.nu/vz15
  Replies (67) Good night (803) Bad night (5068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
  Replies (38) Good night (6407) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work. http://tfl.nu/kzvl
  Replies (26) Good night (3969) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall. http://tfl.nu/zz1u
  Replies (35) Good night (5443) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i think girls just don't want to fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father (973): i think girls just don't want to fuck you http://tfl.nu/fr5s
  Replies (31) Good night (1874) Bad night (5751)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch." http://tfl.nu/35ko
  Replies (29) Good night (962) Bad night (4226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad. http://tfl.nu/536n
  Replies (22) Good night (963) Bad night (3473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (11558) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots. http://tfl.nu/2a1b
  Replies (23) Good night (746) Bad night (3863)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions. http://tfl.nu/7qp6
  Replies (29) Good night (7889) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  not a thing

  (613): View more from Ontario

  walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom? (1-613): not a thing (613): walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom http://tfl.nu/euwx
  Replies (19) Good night (705) Bad night (4870)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one. http://tfl.nu/7onj
  Replies (36) Good night (7571) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number. http://tfl.nu/465z
  Replies (31) Good night (14988) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
  Replies (81) Good night (2407) Bad night (5769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/tn9h
  Replies (18) Good night (7754) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went. http://tfl.nu/2aw8
  Replies (25) Good night (5084) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again http://tfl.nu/srv7
  Replies (21) Good night (6116) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something http://tfl.nu/obfg
  Replies (29) Good night (695) Bad night (5758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w
  Replies (22) Good night (7559) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/ktmw
  Replies (15) Good night (4936) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  i can respect that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you. (1-404): i can respect that. http://tfl.nu/fvjd
  Replies (14) Good night (4630) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): we should become lesbians. not together. just in general. http://tfl.nu/a6ds
  Replies (15) Good night (6253) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

  (1-909): View more from California

  I worship thee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00
  Replies (54) Good night (7777) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  whatd she say to you?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table (1-256): whatd she say to you? (256): no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle http://tfl.nu/mg7u
  Replies (60) Good night (1652) Bad night (7921)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39429) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11003) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it http://tfl.nu/kytb
  Replies (18) Good night (1071) Bad night (4533)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer. http://tfl.nu/2zy4
  Replies (59) Good night (9850) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest. http://tfl.nu/jp7b
  Replies (36) Good night (6037) Bad night (2167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Intervention is following me on twitter.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Intervention is following me on twitter. (440): wow. http://tfl.nu/4vti
  Replies (14) Good night (4938) Bad night (1131)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17140) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14716) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
  Replies (60) Good night (7018) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  i always knew you were classy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom.... (1-605): i always knew you were classy http://tfl.nu/hf24
  Replies (44) Good night (1617) Bad night (4937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8446) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling... http://tfl.nu/h6kn
  Replies (38) Good night (834) Bad night (3628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing. http://tfl.nu/a6am
  Replies (45) Good night (1081) Bad night (6525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent

  (770): View more from Georgia

  don't you ever do that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent (770): don't you ever do that... http://tfl.nu/61yw
  Replies (29) Good night (4277) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv. http://tfl.nu/a1rt
  Replies (15) Good night (5263) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (91) Good night (1853) Bad night (7626)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night. http://tfl.nu/vtqv
  Replies (26) Good night (711) Bad night (3652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ckot
  Replies (212) Good night (573) Bad night (10173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6
  Replies (61) Good night (1564) Bad night (6042)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8022) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I find this completely acceptable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework? (321): I find this completely acceptable. http://tfl.nu/32xm
  Replies (27) Good night (5260) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows. http://tfl.nu/3dnj
  Replies (10) Good night (5362) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent http://tfl.nu/7y58
  Replies (13) Good night (5442) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination http://tfl.nu/nh5d
  Replies (17) Good night (637) Bad night (3428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s
  Replies (18) Good night (6366) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  What is a GED?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3
  Replies (47) Good night (680) Bad night (9466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube (630): my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cxvl
  Replies (17) Good night (6894) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating. http://tfl.nu/sjit
  Replies (35) Good night (12904) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  as in "white"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry" (1-864): as in "white"? http://tfl.nu/140y
  Replies (24) Good night (4957) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom. http://tfl.nu/yf2o
  Replies (98) Good night (1532) Bad night (18007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen. http://tfl.nu/ucck
  Replies (14) Good night (4352) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help. http://tfl.nu/q9on
  Replies (39) Good night (518) Bad night (8797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny. http://tfl.nu/aua9
  Replies (13) Good night (4969) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you. http://tfl.nu/3bx1
  Replies (13) Good night (591) Bad night (4037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call? http://tfl.nu/91ao
  Replies (29) Good night (448) Bad night (7204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution? http://tfl.nu/2bly
  Replies (15) Good night (4467) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help. http://tfl.nu/t5wn
  Replies (11) Good night (348) Bad night (1276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj
  Replies (71) Good night (12192) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt dude, i swear!

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I told you not to have sex with her on my futon (612): I didnt dude, i swear! (952): either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon http://tfl.nu/i90q
  Replies (19) Good night (2358) Bad night (6151)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  His little brother walked in on us. Six times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): His little brother walked in on us. Six times. http://tfl.nu/ruyk
  Replies (29) Good night (1154) Bad night (8705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them. http://tfl.nu/0bl8
  Replies (13) Good night (793) Bad night (4796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans. http://tfl.nu/q9cz
  Replies (20) Good night (1482) Bad night (6973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch. http://tfl.nu/4x1m
  Replies (73) Good night (10159) Bad night (2134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum... http://tfl.nu/p3s1
  Replies (20) Good night (6924) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went. http://tfl.nu/izjf
  Replies (37) Good night (1030) Bad night (5477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Who won mens moguls?

  (845): View more from New York

  That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously? (1-845): Who won mens moguls? (845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude. http://tfl.nu/8mik
  Replies (63) Good night (6301) Bad night (1888)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'. http://tfl.nu/aatj
  Replies (44) Good night (1387) Bad night (5868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ya and it worked didnt it??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron.. (614): ya and it worked didnt it?? http://tfl.nu/b3g5
  Replies (27) Good night (6227) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China http://tfl.nu/t41x
  Replies (19) Good night (4394) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage? http://tfl.nu/cpvo
  Replies (12) Good night (5134) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on http://tfl.nu/6iv3
  Replies (24) Good night (7199) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (10756) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7741) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v
  Replies (16) Good night (7310) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby (1-515): What the fuck were you doing at wal mart? http://tfl.nu/0ikn
  Replies (50) Good night (7135) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11794) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (24303) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11338) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  running late. just ran over a dude on a bike

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): running late. just ran over a dude on a bike http://tfl.nu/e4pf
  Replies (52) Good night (1870) Bad night (7777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm drunk

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Is that why you're texting me

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm drunk (615): Is that why you're texting me (405): Yes http://tfl.nu/5xy8
  Replies (16) Good night (1230) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
  Replies (31) Good night (5705) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey. http://tfl.nu/1r0k
  Replies (27) Good night (11047) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (60) Good night (53395) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl
  Replies (37) Good night (18601) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college. http://tfl.nu/w89j
  Replies (17) Good night (4098) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar. http://tfl.nu/crfd
  Replies (7) Good night (3074) Bad night (1742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago. http://tfl.nu/uh8m
  Replies (35) Good night (13118) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op
  Replies (24) Good night (6807) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry. http://tfl.nu/w271
  Replies (10) Good night (4968) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Just try to lay there and not be pregnant. http://tfl.nu/a665
  Replies (56) Good night (1084) Bad night (6446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

  (713): View more from Texas

  what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over. (713): what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jxuh
  Replies (95) Good night (676) Bad night (5566)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often. http://tfl.nu/ixlv
  Replies (15) Good night (4350) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (19) Good night (6496) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/ox2k
  Replies (13) Good night (477) Bad night (4011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh... http://tfl.nu/to9x
  Replies (16) Good night (4378) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  please don't let me die tonight

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what have you done for me lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): please don't let me die tonight (860): what have you done for me lately? http://tfl.nu/9vcn
  Replies (18) Good night (4542) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9
  Replies (28) Good night (6921) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs http://tfl.nu/qh32
  Replies (21) Good night (3995) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard http://tfl.nu/p7e3
  Replies (16) Good night (4911) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix. http://tfl.nu/c1od
  Replies (43) Good night (9399) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed http://tfl.nu/lr4z
  Replies (18) Good night (1837) Bad night (3698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed. http://tfl.nu/da2p
  Replies (13) Good night (4609) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate http://tfl.nu/lx6z
  Replies (61) Good night (843) Bad night (5304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus? http://tfl.nu/vinz
  Replies (20) Good night (3872) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again? http://tfl.nu/cny9
  Replies (13) Good night (677) Bad night (5313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it http://tfl.nu/0her
  Replies (11) Good night (5186) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer. http://tfl.nu/bp97
  Replies (7) Good night (3169) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (5854) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated. http://tfl.nu/vtpc
  Replies (40) Good night (1163) Bad night (3378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6695) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more. http://tfl.nu/ypfs
  Replies (25) Good night (526) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear. http://tfl.nu/va6s
  Replies (47) Good night (4565) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death. http://tfl.nu/mvsk
  Replies (12) Good night (817) Bad night (4691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (7930) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5694) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah. http://tfl.nu/atyf
  Replies (22) Good night (4410) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/b0ha
  Replies (7) Good night (3232) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it. http://tfl.nu/hzy8
  Replies (33) Good night (12115) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game http://tfl.nu/hrfj
  Replies (20) Good night (4240) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb
  Replies (74) Good night (9091) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant http://tfl.nu/1flc
  Replies (67) Good night (5407) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm http://tfl.nu/xdgb
  Replies (16) Good night (5340) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score. http://tfl.nu/p406
  Replies (26) Good night (8855) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting. http://tfl.nu/foam
  Replies (7) Good night (4071) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9
  Replies (38) Good night (7346) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8156) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them http://tfl.nu/lo0z
  Replies (24) Good night (5145) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom http://tfl.nu/suhd
  Replies (31) Good night (1421) Bad night (3989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka. http://tfl.nu/j6vt
  Replies (19) Good night (4172) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong http://tfl.nu/jy3c
  Replies (23) Good night (3932) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u
  Replies (20) Good night (854) Bad night (5478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (5731) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis. http://tfl.nu/4cqk
  Replies (22) Good night (1152) Bad night (3988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob http://tfl.nu/1gjp
  Replies (192) Good night (2081) Bad night (15431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (2761) Bad night (11346)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us http://tfl.nu/r5ct
  Replies (19) Good night (5492) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible... http://tfl.nu/v1vf
  Replies (33) Good night (6715) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully. http://tfl.nu/qn1h
  Replies (119) Good night (11887) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose? http://tfl.nu/yztp
  Replies (23) Good night (4452) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea http://tfl.nu/myhx
  Replies (7) Good night (444) Bad night (3411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/an7n
  Replies (57) Good night (491) Bad night (4921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking http://tfl.nu/def8
  Replies (14) Good night (727) Bad night (3483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  whats up tonight?

  (408): View more from California

  Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): whats up tonight? (408): Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind http://tfl.nu/m6ab
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (31250) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here... http://tfl.nu/iwch
  Replies (54) Good night (4223) Bad night (1556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/co7p
  Replies (26) Good night (657) Bad night (5452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon. http://tfl.nu/dlc4
  Replies (21) Good night (2572) Bad night (2101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking http://tfl.nu/g2ou
  Replies (16) Good night (5913) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night?? http://tfl.nu/8e78
  Replies (33) Good night (744) Bad night (2479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single http://tfl.nu/a7um
  Replies (13) Good night (4755) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  and i looked up. we had an audience...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): and i looked up. we had an audience... http://tfl.nu/amn4
  Replies (16) Good night (4139) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (28683) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting http://tfl.nu/4np3
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage. http://tfl.nu/iczm
  Replies (28) Good night (3862) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever. http://tfl.nu/jxfd
  Replies (14) Good night (5429) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one. http://tfl.nu/4drw
  Replies (2) Good night (455) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars. http://tfl.nu/h8m5
  Replies (15) Good night (5680) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook http://tfl.nu/grvu
  Replies (20) Good night (425) Bad night (4196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look. http://tfl.nu/ne7a
  Replies (14) Good night (623) Bad night (4248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her http://tfl.nu/gcpo
  Replies (11) Good night (994) Bad night (3961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Farmville is her only friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Farmville is her only friend. http://tfl.nu/6s8i
  Replies (55) Good night (678) Bad night (5450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck. http://tfl.nu/kfpi
  Replies (5) Good night (2513) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (30929) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine. http://tfl.nu/3sll
  Replies (29) Good night (722) Bad night (3965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me. http://tfl.nu/04rv
  Replies (32) Good night (4949) Bad night (1644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza http://tfl.nu/rg2w
  Replies (31) Good night (795) Bad night (5003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware. http://tfl.nu/l9zj
  Replies (13) Good night (1231) Bad night (3630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after. http://tfl.nu/w4bv
  Replies (78) Good night (5605) Bad night (2447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle. http://tfl.nu/1g9t
  Replies (4) Good night (700) Bad night (3495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (47) Good night (8089) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again. http://tfl.nu/2li2
  Replies (25) Good night (663) Bad night (4924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/5c8q
  Replies (29) Good night (5357) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10332) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic? http://tfl.nu/piwl
  Replies (28) Good night (6440) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (6011) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester http://tfl.nu/7fwg
  Replies (19) Good night (757) Bad night (4382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick. http://tfl.nu/6zdd
  Replies (16) Good night (1376) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10160) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches. http://tfl.nu/cp2j
  Replies (14) Good night (5982) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister? http://tfl.nu/p7gf
  Replies (15) Good night (4957) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12894) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night http://tfl.nu/hkfs
  Replies (43) Good night (9647) Bad night (2713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!! http://tfl.nu/a7ta
  Replies (22) Good night (5874) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/xu8i
  Replies (39) Good night (6472) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1022) Bad night (12395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow... http://tfl.nu/tod7
  Replies (74) Good night (1512) Bad night (11748)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
  Replies (66) Good night (26226) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning. http://tfl.nu/jpte
  Replies (13) Good night (460) Bad night (3514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS http://tfl.nu/jjgj
  Replies (36) Good night (4742) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1
  Replies (90) Good night (29859) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2826) Bad night (37937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i think im in thre room next to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me. (816): i think im in thre room next to you http://tfl.nu/b5hq
  Replies (28) Good night (1715) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven. http://tfl.nu/u85e
  Replies (24) Good night (2884) Bad night (2237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (24) Good night (7964) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room. http://tfl.nu/qe4u
  Replies (22) Good night (6348) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car. http://tfl.nu/95qt
  Replies (40) Good night (1026) Bad night (7994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61
  Replies (21) Good night (4081) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off. http://tfl.nu/iqir
  Replies (18) Good night (6958) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open. http://tfl.nu/pz60
  Replies (20) Good night (3123) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY

  (614): View more from Ohio

  handstands? WTF?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  she was a gymnast

  (614): View more from Ohio

   go to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY (614): handstands? WTF? (405): she was a gymnast (614): go to hell. http://tfl.nu/pyfe
  Replies (9) Good night (2565) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life. http://tfl.nu/7q9y
  Replies (7) Good night (1075) Bad night (2924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better. http://tfl.nu/5ydt
  Replies (15) Good night (2952) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Dual....:-)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Dual....:-) http://tfl.nu/1kk8
  Replies (11) Good night (1155) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt